My AP straight dipped the f*ck out

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by NaturalPornKiller, Oct 11, 2020.

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  1. NaturalPornKiller

    NaturalPornKiller Fapstronaut

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    What's up community brethren?
    I'd only recently become involved in my first true accountability partnership. I was kind of excited cuz I needed an AP for a while and I finally met someone who was down to be accountable and account for another. S*** was cool for like a week with almost daily correspondence which was a lot more helpful than I thought it could be. Just as I was kind of getting used to that dynamic, my AP just vanished leaving a deleted account in his stead.

    So here I remain absolutely heartbroken and devastated...jus kidding, but it does kinda suck nonetheless. So I guess I'm back to looking for another accountability partner. If anyone is interested in striking up an accountability partnership let me know. I do believe in life after your first AP abandons you for someone with a greater need for accountability. I'm not sure if I just wasn't accountable enough for him or what but I'm ready to pull my s*** together and get back out there on the scene. Also if anyone has experienced a similar scenario feel free to chime in. I'm just curious as to how commonly this occurs (I'm guessing quite commonly...).

    Thank you!
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  2. Hopeful2205

    Hopeful2205 Fapstronaut

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    Hey,
    I have had the same happened to me, was feeling like I was on the right track with AP but then they just disappear.
    I need a consistent person to help me kick this.
    Let me know if you are interested in accountability.

    Thanks!
     
  3. Better find a real life ap.
     
    NaturalPornKiller likes this.
  4. Hopeful2205

    Hopeful2205 Fapstronaut

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  5. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    AP seems like a good idea - and is a good idea - but the responsibilities of tending to another's beck and call and needs are probably too much when one is going through their own shit. But, I don't really know what the rules are or what platforms are used for contact. I never had an AP here, but I found that as soon as I needed someone here whom I regularly converse with, they are not around at the "emergency moment," and my whole recovery crashes when depending on others. I've evolved in thinking that maybe it's for the best, as I will need to wean away from this site some day. It's been five years now, and this is a very strong and adamant steak I have going on now. I think this is it, but I don't want my pride to go before a fall, either. So, I won't jinx it.

    .
     
  6. NaturalPornKiller

    NaturalPornKiller Fapstronaut

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    Word. The accountability partner relationship to me is not a substitute for my own recovery. My recovery depends on my dedication to getting clean despite what happens externally. The whole reason we use is to cope with circumstances that we are subjected to. It is inevitable that things will occur that are beyond our control, but if we are dependent on anything external to maintain our sobriety it's guaranteed that we will relapse. Having an AP is about getting out of the isolation of addiction which makes it easy to deceive ourselves. It is very easy to convince ourselves to dismiss actions or behaviors that are otherwise detrimental to our recovery; not so easy when someone else is there to provide another perspective. Accountability Partnerships are supplemental to our recovery, but not required to get clean.

    It's much easier to dispense advice than it is to utilize it which is the case here. Right now, my statements are based on the ideals that I hope to encounter with an AP not necessarily from experience. Anyways I am seeking an accountability partner. If my AP or myself feel that the partnership isn't effective for either of us I just hope we can communicate it amongst one another to either adjust to or terminate the relationship. This is a possibility of reality that I must consider which I think is a healthy approach compared to just dropping out. Oh well too much chatter not enough action. I need to get to it. Thanks for your input guys. I appreciate each of your perspectives on the matter
     
  7. I guess the question was addressed to me?

    I've had real life ap's myself.
    I visited a couple who were willing to listen. Visited them fot -I think - 12 years?
    I visited a support group for a year.
    I visited another support group for 4 years. Connected to that group I found somebody who was willing to coach me.
    At the end of that "coaching time" I saw I needed some more because of some deep rooted pain, so I did talk to a therapist for 1,5 year.

    And yes things are going much better today while I have the feeling I'm not finished yet.

    Finding an ap is not easy.
    Problem with finding an ap on nofap is you don't know the person.
    An ap should be somebody who is mature, not addicted (any more) and live a healthy lifestyle.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2020
  8. Hopeful2205

    Hopeful2205 Fapstronaut

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