I developped a compulsive behavior that I dislike. I sometimes reach a state where I'm so horny that instead of watching porn, I masturbate with other men/ have cyber sex with them. The thing is I'm not even gay; it's just that men love my body, unlike women, so being the object of desire for once was what turned me on. But it cannot continue like that. I feel perverted and gay (not that being gay is bad, quite the contrary, it's just that I like the way I was when I didn't have these tendencies). It's actually ironic because dicks in porn usually turn me off and that's why I watch videos where there are only girls.But I digress, My point is this: I feel like I'm not my own true self anymore, and I want to get back to my normal self, or even better; a better version of myself.