My biggest complaint with the NoFap community...

Discussion in 'NoFap Technical Support and Feedback' started by soulsfan92, May 22, 2016.

  1. soulsfan92

    soulsfan92 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I am a 23 year old male and I have been addicted to PMO for about 10 years. I started NoFap as a way to regain my sexual health and channel my sexual energy into productive aspect of my life and to gain insight.

    However, I feel like this community is a little to extreme and tends to go off topic. Yes the whole point of NoFap is to better your life. However, I keep running into post about how you should just quit all addictions/compulsions in your life. To a certain extent, I agree especially if it is health hazarding and destroying your life, but isn't this suppose to be just about PMO addiction?

    I notice a lot of NoFappers tend to tell people what they should and should not do with their lives. This whole notion on drawing the line on what is productive and what is not tends to be a bit biased in this community. And it makes me want to avoid this community as a whole because it almost comes off as a religion without a God.
     
    Brasileiro likes this.
  2. Agoodguy

    Agoodguy Fapstronaut

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    Sorry you feel that way :(
     
  3. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Well, you are going to get a wide range of opinions on a forum. If you don't want to hear them, don't stay - your choice. :rolleyes:
     
  4. The Progressive One

    The Progressive One Fapstronaut

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    You're 23 years old. You're an adult. You make decisions and you accept responsibility for those decisions. If you feel that this website has a "cult" vibe, then feel free to deactivate your account.

    Most people understand that, generally speaking, advice on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt. But I can say that this community is much better than many other forums. People are positive, constructive, honest, and empathic. You're not going to find many places outside of NoFap where you can talk about jerking off and NOT be called a pervert. So understand that, yes, a bit of blind faith goes a long way.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2016
  5. soulsfan92

    soulsfan92 New Fapstronaut

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    I don't understand the aggressive response. I am far from trying to put this community down. The problem I have is this whole idea that life is about being an efficient and using every hour of the day that you are conscious to build up your skills and resources. Anything that seems fun/entertaining (i.e. Video Games) seems to be frowned upon in this community.

    You're right about taking advice on the internet with a grain of salt, however, I feel like this community can generate paranoia that everything is an addiction and should be avoided at all cost. Same thing like Christians do when with the whole concept of sin.
     
  6. SeeDee

    SeeDee Fapstronaut

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    Realizing you are addicted to something is scary. Yes, I'm a bit paranoid about having addictions, and I'm being aggressive about examining my life and making sure I don't develop any other addictions. It also gives me something to DO, aside from just not viewing porn. Our brains have a very poor grasp of the concept of "not" doing something. It is much more effective to find something to do to replace whatever is not desired.

    That approach is not for everyone, and you're free to say that you would rather focus just on not PMO'ing.
     
  7. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    It's the nature of the internet unfortunately. Though in theory, the range of our discussion may stretch as wide as the horizon, the reality is we tend to settle on one particular 'bandwidth'.... on one particular site. Now even though that site will be dominated by a particular 'orthodoxy', there is nothing stopping you from taking what is good, and leaving what is bad; distil the wisdom that is found, and reject the 'group-think' element. Also, it's easy enough to be yourself, and rock the boat at times, when you are also anonymous.
     
  8. Child of God

    Child of God Fapstronaut

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    I think you are approaching this community the wrong way. If this were some public place without any parameters, like a market, perhaps there would be an issue with this much "ping-ponging" of views on addiction and mental health. Yes this is a biased site.

    That is good though; there are a very specific group of people that come here: people who wish to be rid of PMO addiction. Additionally, some people who need support for dealing with loved ones' PMO addiction. That makes us like-minded. That makes us a team. We do all worry about harmful behaviors and how to stop them, a lot, as well as great alternative behaviors. A lot more than you may be used to. But that just makes us a close-knit community of people dealing with very similar problems.

    Long story short, we give people advice because each one of us in our own experience is more qualified to give advice here than almost any other person the consumer may have the opportunity to ask. And we are all consumers! So it is really quite a beautiful self-sustaining group. I would hate for it to become restricted to anything but that which it uses to help us succeed.
     
  9. hej då

    hej då Fapstronaut

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    Unless you are referring to a guy starting a thread asking weather he should start using heroin (LOL) and getting negative responses I really have no clue what you're talking about...
    So I would like to ask you to give an example or something if you don't mind?
     
  10. I don't think a perfect community can exist. There will always be some opinions and ideas you might disagree with. Because communities are made up from bunch of people and people are different, have different opinions, beliefs. As those people join the community they bring those things with them. I supposed NoFap.com admins could censor all of it on forum. But that would silence a lot of potential ideas, advises and points of perspectives that can also be useful. Dismiss things that you disagree with and use what you do agree with. You are a part of community as well so you can bring your opinion to table, which might be that video games for example are fine. It's not that the whole community is frowning on something, it's just that it's part of it. There many types of people here and many of them will disagree on different ideas. That's fine tho. I just recommend to focus ont hings that unite us instead.

    For a lot of people NoFap extends beyond just PMO. Because we use the positive momentum to improve other areas of our life as well, like eliminating video games or TV. Those things are often related to PMO addiction as well. Those other addictions and negative habits might have been caused by PMO, and some things prevented by PMO. So they are relevant. At least to people who are experiencing them. So they talk about those things. Very often with big passion what can seem almost like a religious way.
     
  11. All hail to our Lord Alexander!
     
  12. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    I bet it's not only NoFappers ... it's humans in general :D

    For example, for the last month, you don't imagine how many people told me "Cut your hair" or "Go to the beach, you're so white". I have always been very pale, and recently have been trying to grow my hair. But people just want me to be like them. So if NoFappers do that ... don't worry, almost everybody does.

    I'm gonna be honest. I think this is more positive than negative. Every addiction is bad. You can make it less "destroying", but it is unhealthy.

    Dictionary.com's definition of "addiction": the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, asnarcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

    Weather it's an addiction to PMO, weather it's an addiction to looking at walls ( doesn't mater what addiction :) ), it will take time from your life. It will take the will to do other stuff.

    For example, if you play a lot of video games, and can't stop it. That's an addiction.

    But if you play a lot of video games, but at any time, you can stop it and go do something else, without feeling the need to go back to play them, that is not an addiction, that's just you liking games very much.

    So if a community is trying to make you drop all addictions ... thats wonderful :D Sure, some people might be too extreme "If you touch a PS4 controller, you're addicted, stop it". But that's the nature of humans. Not only on this community
     
    Calvinklein likes this.
  13. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hi soulsfan92.

    You're right that NoFap isn't perfect & it might not suit everyone. One thing I can say is that I have found it to be very supportive. Regarding something you said in your original post...

    "This whole notion on drawing the line on what is productive and what is not tends to be a bit biased in this community."

    One thing you will find the vast majority of members in agreement on, is that PMO is not productive. We have a wide range of agnostics, atheists, theists & people who don't give a crap either way - they just want to break their addiction to porn.

    My suggestion is that you don't throw the whole thing out as one piece & leave the community. Rather, take some suggestions that you find useful & approach the breaking of your PMO habit in the way that suits you.

    This site is primarily focused on that goal & can't be all things to all people. If you find certain people to be too hard-line or whatever, just skip their advice & search for some jewels elsewhere.

    Strength & wisdom to you on your journey.

    You are welcome here.

    T22.
     
  14. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    You should stop fapping and drink a 24 of beer everyday, while binge watching "Friday the 13th" movies. That way, you will fantasize about becoming a goalie!


    NOT! We came to the realization that we are addicts, with an ADDICTIVE personality. We FAP, PMO for fill a void. Filling the void is not just about stopping to PMO, its about understanding ourselves, the relapse mechanisms, try to gain vital life skills and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
     
  15. IMHO fixing other things in your life helps with the NoFap journey. But this is more about advices more than "you must do that".
    For example I have stopped eating sugary products because of my diet and I recommend it to everyone, and I recommend to reach your balanced weight, for many reasons not only to find a balance in your life, but to be healthy and feel well in general.

    But you as me and the other fapstronauts are free to do what we want and believe what we want to believe, so if you think "eating surar is ok for me", just go ahead and make your decisions, no one will condemn you nor judge you.

    If you feel like you need a day off instead of going god mode and use every day and every hour in the best way possible, just go for it. I do not believe in constant god mode, everyone need some time to relax and focus on something else rather than improving.

    I used a lot of time on the internet and on videogames, and I realized that it was getting in the middle of my goals, so I started to fix that aswell. There are people who told me that you should not play videogames or that you should play like 1 hour per day or even less. But those are opinions, listening to the others point of view will help you with understanding better what your problems and are what your goals are.
    No one is frocing you to do anything, you are the master of your life and you decide what to do with it :)
     
  16. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    I have talked about this myself in a few other threads, I don't particularly like it much either.

    Some of it may just be related to the community members themselves, which means that because a certain group of people tend to come here more than others, that the community has a certain natural bias. It also might just be a case where people take rhetoric and blow it way out of proportion, akin to many political minds do. Either way you may be better of looking into other communities, I know of the reddit and reboot nation communities in particular, however there may be many more that I haven't heard of.

    Almost every community that I have ever been a part of (whether online or otherwise) has flaws, it is expected to a degree, because a group that happens to agree on a certain subject, are likely to have other weird little things they agree with as well. The whole cold shower thing in this community comes to mind, I have never once heard of a (drug) addict overcoming there addiction in that way, and yet it rampant in this community, not saying that it is necessarily wrong, but it is just something that is particular to this group of people that otherwise would never be mentioned.
     
  17. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    It's because most people here have other issues too. Some are OCD, others are controlling, or demanding. Others are push overs. The type of P fetish that people suffer with can greatly reflect on who they are as a person. Many people here consider themselves the next best thing to a psychologist etc etc.
    The way I see it, whatever you do in your life is up to you. This community should simply be a reminder to not PMO, some others on here take it a step further and treat it as some kind of life help centre. There's professionals for that shit, so my advice, don't take onboard anything anyone says here as a solution to problems. I may be called a generalist here but I believe we are all fucked up people, hence why we are here. So any advice we give is skewed and not going to benefit some people. It may even make things worse.

    Final point I will say this. This community is very divided, and so there is extreme diversity in opinions on topics. So many people here are actually rather arrogant, stubborn and narrow minded. But hey that's life I guess.
    Also I don't believe the members statistic at all, soooo many bots that post one message then are inactive for weeks or months even.
     
  18. Star Lord

    Star Lord Fapstronaut

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    Ye I agree
    I don't mind saying that cold showers are a pile of crap in my opinion. To me, a cold shower is
    • the lazy way of dealing with life's problems. (Get outside and do something proactive instead).
    • its not a good thing to regularly put the body through extreme temperature declines
    • and I believe that it's not great for fertility either (it's an opinion, not necessarily fact, before keyboard warriors come along and try to be smart).

    I see people who do the whole cold showers thing as people who have so little about themselves that they have to take cold showers and "endure" the chill to feel like they are strong or accomplished. Get real. Get out and do something to help someone else, or do an actual challenge against someone else other than yourself.

    For the record, I dont wish to get into a discussion over my opinions whether they are right or wrong. Just accept mine may be different and I will yours.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
    SeeDee likes this.
  19. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    I don't exactly have an unfavorable opinion of cold showers, in fact, my longest streak (3 months) was whilst I was doing cold showers, and I have been doing them recently. I think it can be extremely thrilling, in a weird way.

    My point was that there are tons of different ways to get over porn, and to pretend that only maybe one or two things are all someone needs to become abstinent of porn is just ludicrous. Basically as long as someone isn't watching porn, its pretty much good for them (as long as they don't become dependent upon it like porn that is), so videogames or music or whatever are all perfectly acceptable means of distracting someone from PMO, and instead of hating on them like I see at times, we should be advocating them.
     
  20. Child of God

    Child of God Fapstronaut

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    It's not that ludicrous really...

    There are loads of strategies that all work for different people, but when it comes down to it, you really only need one thing.

    Will.
     

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