My body can sense if my girlfriend is horny

Yes. Plus, the desire I feel towards her is so raw, real, and powerful, that she'll get horny as a response to my feelings for her.

PMO robs us of this experience. This alone is reason to see through a 90-day hard-mode reboot and then a lifetime of abstaining from PM.

 

Throughout the hurt, I think this has turned into one of the positive things to come from our sad situation. When my husband is with me now (as opposed to before admitting PA relapse) I don’t have that feeling like I’m being ‘used’ anymore. Sure he loved me, but it was almost like I was a body and his goal was to O at all costs. I couldn’t put my finger on that subconscious feeling, but that’s exactly it. His constant white knuckling for a decade and then relapsing into months of daily PMO robbed us of real connection - and therefore made me so LESS excited/down for S when he wanted it. @BreakingDawn writing this brings to the surface why I probably feel so much more open to him now, even while my heart is currently pulverized. It’s because I can see/feel/SENSE that my SO is finally being raw and real and letting himself be vulnerable to ME now. After the reveal I went from wanting nothing to do with him, to only wanting to mark my territory, to now craving things from him that I never did before in our 10 year marriage. I am actually starting to DESIRE him. That does give me some hope. Time will tell, I guess.

 

It's super helpful for me to hear your perspective as well. About how long did that transition take, do you think? From wanting nothing to wanting all kinds of things? Weeks, months, year? Just curious for some helpful perspective on my end.

At first, when I started feeling the intensity of my own desire toward my wife, I thought she would be turned off by it. Ironically (at least, it seems ironic from my perspective) it's quite the opposite. She really likes it when I feel that way about her.

 

@BreakingDawn I’m so happy to hear that your wife is liking your new connection/desire for her. I know a lot of wives really want our husbands to feel that immense desire for US, to ONLY us, and let us know in those raw/connecting moments.

I can’t speak for other relationships, but as for the transition for me I think that the not wanting ANYTHING from him, not wanting him to see me get dressed, etc, lasted a few days. Then out of the blue I was struck with this overwhelming urge to mark my territory, to try and speed up healing. I was in so much pain that those minutes of (false?) closeness took the edge off of my heartache. But it was only for a minute and it left me empty afterwards and left him confused and hurt once he realized that my sudden urges were not because of true reconnecting - but probably jealousy and fear. This lasted for maybe 2-3 weeks. After tons of talks, so many steps backwards, surprising strides forwards and seeing how he was so much different than he has EVER been, I started to feel strangely different. He was finally getting the right help and doing things he had never done before to attack his PA and I could start to see my husband slowly turn into the *real* version of him.

My best guess is that it was maybe a little over a month when I started feeling a twinge of desire for him that only grew. It gets better every time I see how vulnerable, patient, and attentive he is to me - without ulterior motives - and especially how he isn’t changing in and out of it wishy washy like before.

He has told me that now learning to open his eyes and look at me while being intimate (not closing his eyes trying hard to get/experience the O) as well as being able to look at me without guilt, magnified his feelings for me and magnifies them even during the times when we aren’t doing anything intimate. I really felt that in my broken heart. Thus propelling that cycle of positive feelings/hope/desire for me, which makes MY desire grow, which makes him happier/feel supported, which makes him want to connect and protect me even more, which makes my desire grow, and so on and therefore starts a seemingly good cycle for us.

I know I kind of rambled some. I hope this makes sense. This is still a confusing time and we still have days that are really hard and need unpacking or the days when the demons/pictures of him PMOing get in my head or the days when I thought of another question and am wrestling with myself if I should ask it or not... but the difference is that he doesn’t revert back into a shell of himself or blame me or gaslight me like he used to, pre-reveal. I absolutely know I would shut down if I start to sense that person coming back. Thankfully, so far, that person doesn’t seem like he’s coming back (please Jesus). And that makes so much difference through the current hurt.