My brain is finding "loopholes" to get its fix, need an advice.

Xander_

Xander_

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Odd thing, i would usually manage to deal with cravings, however after a specific amount of days, cravings get more intense and it appears like my brain has figured out a loophole that gets me every time into a relapse, if someone has any tip, advice or suggestion please do not hesitate to respond.

Let me get to the point ...Cravings would start out of sudden, usually when i am in a situation where i have important stuff to do.
For example, i had cravings roughly about 2:50 PM, but i had to get ready for University and arrive there at 4:00 PM, i had an exam.

Now, at that point i felt that unpleasant pain of cravings, they went on for a while i would get ready, already stressed out, i simply said to myself out of nowhere "i will relapse 3 times today once i get home" - And that is it, cravings vanished within 5 minutes, everything was alright, i forgot about it, until i was heading home. Craving wasnt even intense, i just went to my room, did it 3 times in a row. Mind you, when i relapsed once, i was like "alright, i have to do it one more time", so i relapsed second time, once i relapsed second time i said "okay, now lets give it a go one more time" and only after 3rd relapse, i found myself with a dick in my hand thinking "what the hell" with all those negative emotions coming back. So i went to take a cold shower for 15 minutes to clear my head a bit and think what actually happened.

Or, another example. Once i would be at classes, similar thing would happen. Cravings, intense cravings, "i will relapse 2 times today once i come home", cravings calm down, come home relapse 2 times.

Or when i would study in group with my classmates, cravings pop out, they become intense, "i will relapse 2-3 times today once i come home", cravings slowly calm down, come home, relapse.

And i noticed this to be a major problem, this went on for years, but in previous years this would be a turning point towards more intense sessions, and this would go back and forth. I havent noticed it until today, probably thanks to a journal.
 
If you want to stop doing this, put on blockers. That way, for all that you tell yourself that you will relapse when you get home, there’s no way for you to do so. Surely, ridding yourself of this addiction is worth the inconvenience that blockers will impose on you.

Since you seem to have difficulty with self-control, however, you have to be careful not to leave any loopholes in the blocker setup. You have to make it so that viewing porn will require an entirely new device, which will require using a standard user account on your PC, disabling safe mode for non-admins, and BIOS configuration to disable boot from USB. For blockers, I would recommend a combination of K9, Covenant Eyes, and use of the hosts file (though Covenant Eyes is something I use because K9 seems limited over my WiFi network for some strange reason).
 
I also experienced the same in the first 6 months of my reboot. I usually can go without PMO for 15 days and go binging on the 16th day. I am on my 24th day now, my longest streak in a long time. I would suggest brother to develop new habits in preparation for intense urges in the future. For me, what works best are cold shower, proper eating habits, intense exercises like lifting weights and more time with nature. Our brain works in such a way that it maintains homeostasis after sometime of developing habits and trying to do new habits will always feel awkward. We just don't need to stop PMO but to also replace it with new activities that are fun and fulfilling. It would not feel good at the start but it is always worth it. Just don't focus on your addiction, focus on your goals. Good luck brother!
 
your mind/ego is currently running your life.

In order to regain control over your actions, it is helpful to quiet your mind,

Learn how to meditate, learn fasting and journal every day.

Over time you will gain mastery over your mind.

I suggest reading the book the power of now.
 
I wrote about something similar several months ago and tonight I was thinking of starting a motivational thread on it. This is a technique I've used on a lot of other things with a lot of success, but haven't really tried it on nofap.
____________
A little background,

Many years ago when I entered first year of university, I failed almost all of my courses in the 1st semester and was placed on academic probation (one step ahead of being kicked out). The following semester they made us take this mandatory 1-hour/week class to fix our routines, our problems, procrastination and shit like that.

During the course, we came upon the topic of addictions. The professor of this class was a psychology professor specializing in addictions. He gave us a guideline on how to overcome most addictions. He said, you can rewire your brain by simple tricks (self-rewarding) that ameliorate addictive behavior.

It goes something like this,
You set a goal (i.e. nofap) to accomplish something and before you work (i.e. abstinence) upon achieving that goal, you set a reward (???) for the work performed. The reasoning behind this is that any work without a reward is unsustainable (imagine going to work every day and not getting paid), and that you are looking forward to the reward. The reward should be something pleasurable (no, not jacking off; it can be literally anything unrelated, even things you normally don't do).

So, I set up little rewards for myself that I would treat myself with after every X amount of hours spent studying, i.e. after every 15 hours of studying, I'd go get high; after every 60 hours of studying, I'd go get smashed, etc. <<These are rewards I knew were fun but used to do very, very rarely before setting up this regimen; clearly, not the best rewards but it got me studying daily.
__________________

Also followed this method initially in working out and having a clean diet. In order to become fit (goal), for every 5 days spent lifting weights and 2 days doing cardio (work), I treated myself with junk fast food (reward). After a year, when my body changed shape, I let go of fast food and just looking in the mirror became a reward.

Similarly, I want to try this now on nofap.
I will make a new thread asking people to join a similar regimen and seek advice from those who've already done it and their experience.

I feel that the benefits (rewards) perpetuated by fellow nofappers are simply not enough to keep everyone motivated to do the work of abstinence (i.e. health benefits, elevating mood, social behavior, etc). If you can do it, that's great! I envy you.

I also feel that working towards a specific reward eases the pain of doing the work and eases the tension. In your case, I'm guessing just thinking of rewarding yourself with a fap after writing the exam numbed the craving to fap during your working hours (because you know fapping is pleasurable).
 
Last edited:
Never Again said:
If you want to stop doing this, put on blockers. That way, for all that you tell yourself that you will relapse when you get home, there’s no way for you to do so. Surely, ridding yourself of this addiction is worth the inconvenience that blockers will impose on you.

Since you seem to have difficulty with self-control, however, you have to be careful not to leave any loopholes in the blocker setup. You have to make it so that viewing porn will require an entirely new device, which will require using a standard user account on your PC, disabling safe mode for non-admins, and BIOS configuration to disable boot from USB. For blockers, I would recommend a combination of K9, Covenant Eyes, and use of the hosts file (though Covenant Eyes is something I use because K9 seems limited over my WiFi network for some strange reason).
Click to expand...
I don't know, i might give it a shot, again. Last time i went on with blockers it did not turn out to go that well ... But, we'll see.

AwesomeBeast said:
I also experienced the same in the first 6 months of my reboot. I usually can go without PMO for 15 days and go binging on the 16th day. I am on my 24th day now, my longest streak in a long time. I would suggest brother to develop new habits in preparation for intense urges in the future. For me, what works best are cold shower, proper eating habits, intense exercises like lifting weights and more time with nature. Our brain works in such a way that it maintains homeostasis after sometime of developing habits and trying to do new habits will always feel awkward. We just don't need to stop PMO but to also replace it with new activities that are fun and fulfilling. It would not feel good at the start but it is always worth it. Just don't focus on your addiction, focus on your goals. Good luck brother!
Click to expand...

True, it might be that im too focused on the addiction itself rather than the whole view itself. Truth be told, i figured out that when i have more obligations, such as exam, the count of doing good habits constantly falls off which then can lead to such relapse, perhaps its that i simply run out of willpower to do anything else, so i just come to such terrible decision to relapse ahead.
RightEffort said:
your mind/ego is currently running your life.

In order to regain control over your actions, it is helpful to quiet your mind,

Learn how to meditate, learn fasting and journal every day.

Over time you will gain mastery over your mind.

I suggest reading the book the power of now.
Click to expand...

I tried meditating before, but, it looks like its not my thing. I do know spirituality is indeed important in NoFap, however i am being a hypocrite for procrastinating on working on my spirituality example "I will start to read and research bible tomorrow, or when my streak gets higher" - and none of that happens actually.

I have been considering reading that book, at this moment im reading Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill, once im done with that book, The Power of Now is a must to read.


lif3 said:
I wrote about something similar several months ago and tonight I was thinking of starting a motivational thread on it. This is a technique I've used on a lot of other things with a lot of success, but haven't really tried it on nofap.
____________
A little background,

Many years ago when I entered first year of university, I failed almost all of my courses in the 1st semester and was placed on academic probation (one step ahead of being kicked out). The following semester they made us take this mandatory 1-hour/week class to fix our routines, our problems, procrastination and shit like that.

During the course, we came upon the topic of addictions. The professor of this class was a psychology professor specializing in addictions. He gave us a guideline on how to overcome most addictions. He said, you can rewire your brain by simple tricks (self-rewarding) that ameliorate addictive behavior.

It goes something like this,
You set a goal (i.e. nofap) to accomplish something and before you work (i.e. abstinence) upon achieving that goal, you set a reward (???) for the work performed. The reasoning behind this is that any work without a reward is unsustainable (imagine going to work every day and not getting paid), and that you are looking forward to the reward. The reward should be something pleasurable (no, not jacking off; it can be literally anything unrelated, even things you normally don't do).

So, I set up little rewards for myself that I would treat myself with after every X amount of hours spent studying, i.e. after every 15 hours of studying, I'd go get high; after every 60 hours of studying, I'd go get smashed, etc. <<These are rewards I knew were fun but used to do very, very rarely before setting up this regimen; clearly, not the best rewards but it got me studying daily.
__________________

Also followed this method initially in working out and having a clean diet. In order to become fit (goal), for every 5 days spent lifting weights and 2 days doing cardio (work), I treated myself with junk fast food (reward). After a year, when my body changed shape, I let go of fast food and just looking in the mirror became a reward.

Similarly, I want to try this now on nofap.
I will make a new thread asking people to join a similar regimen and seek advice from those who've already done it and their experience.

I feel that the benefits (rewards) perpetuated by fellow nofappers are simply not enough to keep everyone motivated to do the work of abstinence (i.e. health benefits, elevating mood, social behavior, etc). If you can do it, that's great! I envy you.

I also feel that working towards a specific reward eases the pain of doing the work and eases the tension. In your case, I'm guessing just thinking of rewarding yourself with a fap after writing the exam numbed the craving to fap during your working hours (because you know fapping is pleasurable).
Click to expand...

There is a lot of truth in your last sentences. I noticed i tend to be good with streaks when i have some obligation to do, example some social stuff or university or similar, and it keeps me going, once that is over my brakes just loosen up and that's when it starts to go downhill from there. Thanks for helping me out.
 
@Xander74 - awesome - Thats a great book too :)

I suggest be open to learning more about what meditation actually is the more you learn what it actually is the more you will be willing to do it despite the initial discomfort - Science of enlightenment is a good audio book for that purpose. its not really about 'spirituality' because who knows what that even is...

To me, meditation is about as SELF AWARENESS, self discipline, finding lasting peace and mastery over the mind and emotions and every thing in between ;)
 
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