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My Concerning Sexual Behavior & Fetishes (An Introduction)

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Mar 30, 2022.

  1. I'd like to state that this is my first time ever posting to the forums here on NoFap. I have tried this program out before, but I had little to no success. The longest I had previously lasted without masturbating was three days. However, I didn't mind given that it had no clear negative effect on me at the time. Now, it does. I recently noticed that my sexual behaviors have been disastrous for my social life and the way that I treat and view my female friends. Not only that, but it has had a terrible impact on my happiness and productivity. However, I am here to mainly focus on how it impacts my peers and what my sexual behaviors entail.

    To kick things off, it is best to make sense of my fetishes and the factors that they play in my sexual behavior. I have some incredibly niche and unique kinks, so much to the point that I am emboldened to engage in unnecessary sexual behavior around women in my life because I don't think they even realize it's a kink. I have a huge thing for humilation/embarassment such as pantsing, wedgies, panty slips, upskirts, wardrobe malfunctions, and other similar pranks/situations. The reason I believe this emboldens me is because a kink such as a pantsing is the literally just the sexualization of a popular prank. If I make a joke about pantsing, most girls will assume I'm being funny when in reality their laughter turns me on. Not to mention, it is so niche that it would be the last thing they would expect to be someone's kink. Therefore, I find it easier to engage in sexual activities within the realms of those fetishes rather than just asking for typical sexual favors or making explicitly sexual comments. It is no excuse for my behavior, but I still identify it as a driving factor in why I have fallen such a victim to my lust.

    There is something that I need to make clear, though. I do have a certain level of respect for women and their privacy. I would never pull a girl's pants down without consent nor would I ever point out a random chick's underwear to her. I am generally well principled in that manner... just not well enough. My main problem comes with not being able to control my levels of horniness around women. I didn't really know how to explain my approach until a few months ago when a friend of my told me about Consent-Non-Consent. From my understanding, it is a fetish where two parties' consent to some sort of rape-play. That specific thing does not turn me on in the slightest, but the concept of two parties consenting to a non-consensual action sort of applies here. I will often joke about pantsing each other with a girl, and I will confirm with her that she would be okay with me pantsing her. If she says yes, then I will usually do it at some point. Most of the time I even give them a heads up before I do it (although I have only done it three times, all times in private with the girls). I also believe that it is incredibly distasteful to pants, wedgie, or upskirt anyone as a form of sexual harassment or bullying. I believe there is a group of people with these fetishes who enjoy the bullying aspect, but that is not the case for me. I only enjoy it in the format of a joke between friends. It bothers me when I see those sorts of things online, as the "victim" enjoying it is really the main thing that arouses me. If there is pain and fear rather than enjoyment and playfulness, it sickens me to my stomach.

    I have always been incredibly self-conscious about having these kinks. I have only told a hand full of people, most of which I have never met in person. I feel as if people will either find it extremely weird and niche, or that they will find it to be disturbing. I cannot help what I am into. It has been this way ever since I was very young. I don't even find most nudity to be arousing because of my fixation on underwear-related fetishes, which causes me more problems than I can count. I intend on addressing all of these in separate threads though, as I realized that I would just be writing too much If I put it all in one thread. I'm not sure what my goal is at the moment, but that really is what I want to figure out. I guess my main objective would be to stop myself from trying to involve my female friends in my kinks, or to just get rid of the kinks altogether and live a decently normal sex life. That really is why I'm here. I see my fetishes and treatment of women as a much bigger problem than masturbation or porn addiction.

    If you have any initial thoughts or advice, please let me know. There will be more to come. I just want to make sense of these things and understand why I am the way I am. I want to be a guy that my female friends can feel safe around. I don't want to be that disgusting dude who is always horny. I also apologize if I went into too much personal detail here. I am new to the community and still am not sure what is and what is not accustom here. Thank you for reading though!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2022
  2. Mazda647

    Mazda647 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @pinnacles

    You sound like a fellow who has a good sense of what his values are. Compared to what others and myself have gotten into, your experiences are quite tame. This is not to say the issues are no less serious. A big part of healing is being able to open up and come to terms with who we are. By posting here you may very well have prevented yourself from progressing to something more destructive. Great to hear you are moving away from involving your peers with your fetishes. I believe you are well on the way to leaving them in your past and being able to look back and laugh at who you once were.
     
    Jackson James likes this.

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