My condition is probably one of the worst for a 17 year old. Porn problem.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Battlinginsomnia, May 25, 2015.

  1. Battlinginsomnia

    Battlinginsomnia Fapstronaut

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    Hi i would like to introduce myself here. My name is Brian, and I live in Australia. Let me tell you my story of how crappy my life has changed in the past year because of violent pornography and other various fucked up stuff i've viewed on the internet.

    It's been a little more than a year now, and my health has severely deteriorated. Firstly I have been watching violent pornography ever since I was 13 years old, and everything was fine until I began viewing more messed up porn that really went into the fucked up category. Then in 2014, around May or so, I developed really bad insomnia that drove me to the verge of suicide, and left me looking like a mess. Basically I was considered pretty good looking until my sleep problems started. Now I look like a shell of my former self. I was considered by people to be a gentle, kind loving person, who would harm a fly. Yet deep inside lay a darker side of me, a secret sadist who watched rape and abuse hentai. At first I thought it was fine, but as soon I began feeling sorry for the characters in the hentai, even though they weren't real.

    At first I didn't realize that this porn and then masturbating to it was creating my insomnia, and I think the point when my insomnia began was a day I still remember. One night in may, the night my problems began I was fantasizing bondage about a girl I was going to meet and watch a movie with the next day, and was going to have a good night's sleep to feel refreshed the next day. However I felt a weird feeling in my head, and then the next thing I realized, I could fall asleep. "Weird, OMG, Why?" I didn't really have any trouble falling asleep in the past before, and suddenly this happens. I dismissed it as just a bad night. After meeting the girl the next day, and arriving home after feeling rejection cause the movie didn't go that well. It was awkward... Anyways I went to bed that night and expected to instantly fall asleep. I was so wrong. It was another bad night that night, and for the next few weeks was probably the worst days of my life, with so little sleep. My body heated up, my insides hurt, my brain stung, skin dried up so bad. The list goes on.

    I went to the doctors to seek help and still didn't realized that porn was making it even worse. I was put on sleep vitamins, and it helped a little. Finally after weeks of torturous insomnia, I finally had a good nights sleep, I was exhausted. Then came a period of about a few weeks of good sleep, and I began returning to normal, and I thought the insomnia was gone. But eventually it came back and it was an on and off thing for about 8 months. Then at the start of 2015 was when it really turned extremely bad. The insomnia at this point was so savage I wanted to just die, commit suicide. Yes, I mean it. I also developed Erectile Dysfunction and anxiety. For a 16 year old at the time, this was scary, as I was scared I couldn't have children. I began to realize at this point that porn was the culprit and discovered that on the nights that I masturbated to the pornography I would have trouble sleeping for a few nights.

    I decided enough was enough and sought help. I asked my parent to take me to see the doctor again and he sent me to the psychologist and psychiatrist, and they both diagnosed me with porn induced ED. I was to immediately stop watching pornography and go on a hard mode reboot. And that was what I did.

    Now 4 months into my reboot my mind feels much more clear, and my sleep has improved a little, but it's still not good. I wake up multiple times a night and still have insomnia, but not as severe as before. My erectile dysfunction hasn't improved. My scalp itches and hair seems like it's falling out, my testicles contract often and Im severely anxious about my future. My blood test show nothing wrong with me. Though I highly doubt it.

    I HAVEN'T HAD AN ERECTION FOR SOOOO LONG. Like 1 month. My penis looks like it's deprived of blood and it is shrinking, im not joking or overreacting. It's true. Im scared. This is possibly one of the worst conditions on this website.

    If any of you have suffered similar problems as me. Then please, I beg of you, PLEASE, message me and tell me how you are going with it. If even better, Have you recovered from it?

    Peace out from Brian, a very anxious and depressed teenager.
     
  2. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    The boner thing some say is flatline. Im convinced its your mind being confused. You no longer watch stimulating material so now its like what just happened. I had that for awhile my last streak though I did get to 311 so I had it for awhile then I relapsed and they came but for a week. But sometimes when I talk to girls it acts up. Unfortunately I can't trust him because once my rational mind kicks in I sometimes find i no longer have any interest. I wouldn't worry but I think it was month 8 or so it was halloween I was getting grinded on and like nothing so its case by case and honestly it sucks.

    There is no sure way out I'm afraid other than waiting it out. Keep me posted on this. Do you get wet dreams? I think your mind is just readjusting I know a month is scary god a month is like 12 months when it comes to not having any erections. But stay true to the course your on 4 months is incredible dude and eventually will be 8 months. just stay on track man your doing great. Just stick with it. Good luck dude.
     
  3. Battlinginsomnia

    Battlinginsomnia Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Will keep you updated
     
  4. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, people can take longer than 90 days to recover. One of the first known successful rebooters, Gabe Deem, took about 9 months. Stay strong and I'm sure things will get better for you. Just know you're out of it.

    And don't feel so isolated. I'm 16, and am just as messed up as you in different ways. Only problem is I'm still trying to break away from this garbage. I believe PMO addiction hits teenagers the hardest - and I think that this coming generation is the first to have "truly" unlimited porn - and therefore - may see extreme symptoms like the ones that me and you have. Message me if you'd like to talk.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2015
  5. Aghast

    Aghast Fapstronaut

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    Hey, i'd just like to let you know that I suffered from extreme insomnia as well a few years ago. I always believed that it was related to PMO. I also experienced the porn induced ED as well. It made it extremely difficult to have a relationship which is essentially all I wanted. I was so self conscious of myself I would get close to girls but always turn them away when I got too close.

    I know how horrible insomnia can be. It feels like you age 10 years in the span of months. You are always forgetful and you can't focus on work or school.

    I can tell you a few things that may help with your sleeping because it definitely helped me. Don't look at a screen an hour before bed (I know this is very hard because of how attached to computers we are now). The light from the monitor disables your melatonin production which is what your body produces to make you sleepy and helps put you into your rem. You can buy 10mg tablets of melatonin and take it before bed. You will have the best and deepest sleep of your life. I used to alternate melatonin with an over the counter sleep aid to try to keep down my tolerance. This will atleast give you some peace.

    The pills are just a temporary relief. The true problem of insomnia is in your mind. You are likely very anxious about something (perhaps the porn induced ED?) and the worrying and stress keeps your body in a constantly agitated state and doesn't allow you to fully relax and give in to a deep sleep. Its a primitive survival mechanism to keep your ancestors alive if they were somewhere dangerous and can't afford to sleep deeply because of predators.

    I know the word meditation sounds like a corny hippy thing to most people. But clearing your mind of all thought and worries before bed is the best way to induce REM sleep because you're telling your body that everything is fine and you can relax.

    Also if you have a million things to do the next day. Take a few minutes to make a decision on how you intend to deal with each thing the following day. Having made an action plan for each worry means you can put the thought to rest and no longer need to fuss over it in bed.

    Flatlining is also very common when quitting PMO. You are perfectly normal. There are many guys going through the same pain that you are when quitting. It's why this forum exists and is so popular. My best advice is to just continue trying to control your thoughts. Don't let situations, pressure and external stigmas effect how you feel, control your mind, don't let it control you. I know this is easier said than done, but like anything worth doing, it just takes practice.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2015
    Fapsman and Drift like this.
  6. Battlinginsomnia

    Battlinginsomnia Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your advice Aghast. Much appreciated, although I have tried melatonin already. It has only helped a bit
     
  7. ecobuilder

    ecobuilder New Fapstronaut

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    It may take 6 month to recover, be patient.
     

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