My Current State of Mind - Extreme Stress/Anxiety - Mental Breakdown

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Believeit!10350, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. Believeit!10350

    Believeit!10350 Fapstronaut

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    A short post, to catch ya'll up on what has been happening in my life

    My private goal for the day counter - is P, and M allowed but no Orgasming (I do my best improvement that way)

    About 2 weeks ago. The personal development strategies started to effect me harshly in painful ways emotionally. I started crying one day, very upset, very stressed because I couldn't even bring myself to take a break from improving my life even though I needed it. I was self sabotaging myself in almost a good way. That same day it all created an explosion after enough accumulation (not to mention the stress from feeling like I have to post every day to journal). I know, noone expected me to do it, but I did. I took responsibility for it. I didn't want to let myself down.

    The stress and anxiety continued to built. I got angry/upset/sad/irritated and felt pain in my chest. It hurt a lot! I talked with Mama about my problems, fears, stressful things going on in my life. It ultimately led to one of my anger episodes, but this one was I believe the worst of all. It started off with screams from me and my mom unfortunatly. Escalated to greater noise, then I threw a music speaker on the floor really loud. Next, I after some more screaming. I started having dangerous thoughts to genuinely hurt my mom and others. (I didn't get to this in my journaling, but I have many serious mental problems that I am now getting proper treatment thankfully) Wanting to also hurt myself and possible suicidalness. It got so bad I punched my mom one time in the abdomen. i stopped myself there because that was too far I realized. I made sure my mom was okay and made the courageous decision to go to the police because who knows what could've happened if I kept trying to ignore my anger problems. I needed professional help.

    Long story short, I went to the precinct, they took me to the Psychiatric ward and treated me greatly for a time. That was part of the reason why I was very inactive on here. I had no electronics at all for 10 days. I came back from the psych ward and am feeling much better to tackle my mental health. I'm on meds and getting the proper help I need.

    So, that's why I haven't posted. I will also be no longer posting days of my journal, but will be here from time to time to keep helping myself not just in my addictions, but also my mental health

    Currently, my plan is to reduce as much stress as I can and even though journaling in nofap is productive it creates too much stress so I'm done with that for the time being. I will continue my NoFap journey, just more or less privately. Got about 2 weeks and a day or 2 more I'm clean O wise. I've watched a lot of Porn and Masturbation, but if it works for me then no need to change it.

    Lasly, this is how I currently feel:

    A bit numb emotionally (due to contemplative rap music)
    legitimately sick and coughing a bit
    ready to continue to tackling my nofap journey and interacting with yall
    minimally horny

    As always, thanks for all your support everyone!

    P.S. I will be responding to all my messages now that have been left untouched :)
     
  2. P and M allowed make for an almost impossible restraint from O. That is why they are in the order P, M and O as generally that's also the rank from easiest, to hardest for most people to abstain from. "Edging" as a lot of people call it is really not a good idea and you will find even tens of thousands of examples from people telling you not to do either of these things. The only thing edging is usually good for is training yourself to overcome premature ejaculation. If you aren't doing that then I would suggest doing PMO completely, where O is allowed if you have a partner that you are having healthy sex with.
     
  3. DerSchütze

    DerSchütze Fapstronaut

    It's called nofap for a reason, P and M are the worst things you can do, edging is horrible for you. It's called nofap for a reason, and your system clearly it isn't working for you based on this post.
     
  4. Believeit!10350

    Believeit!10350 Fapstronaut

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    I see fair point. My system is working though in my own way. I haven't cum 15 days now. I've looked at porn and masturbated, but not cum. I heard edging is pretty bad. But currently, de stressing myself is more important

    Thank you for your criticism, always helpful :)
     
  5. Believeit!10350

    Believeit!10350 Fapstronaut

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    2974 -

    Crazy enough I am still able to maintain not doing O, but I understand that edging is a bad idea in general. I just don't know what else to do anymore. At least, I can take baby steps backwards. If it works, don't fix it :D But I get what your saying
     
  6. DerSchütze

    DerSchütze Fapstronaut

    Just because you don't cum doesn't mean anything, just MO would be better than PM. Porn is poison.
     

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