My dad is a bully (RANT)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. I've never liked him. Actually, I've never met someone who has. Ever. Ever since I was born my family and I have been literally on edge, everyday feels like we're walking on eggshells. Every morning I awake to him calling my grandma and uncle retards over the smallest irrelevant things. It hurts the most when he belittles and mocks my grandma, she is the only woman in my life I feel attached to. It is she, whom has sacrificed the most for me and did her best to teach me right from wrong.

    My bio mom died in a car wreck when I was 7 years old. Although it left some scars I never really felt bad about it. Mom worked her whole life and her and dad frequently fought, atleast she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I remember a big fight in which mother threatened my dad divorce, I wish it happened.

    After the car wreck dad increasingly became unstable. It's understandable because his wife died and he got seriously injured. However, I don't understand why he took his anger out on us. He would throw things and break things over small matters. His intimidation made it terrifying to speak out against any decision he made.

    Now he can't control bio mom he became controlling to me, my brother, and my grandma. My brother got sick of it and moved out, but dad still bullys us. He married my step mom from the PH so "she could raise us". Multiple times he referred to her as a "maid". He forids her to drive and shames her when she wants to visit friends.

    He enjoys bribing us with expensive gifts. I had my own computer and laptop at age 7, which I started watching porn and became addicted. I had no parental guidance over any decision I made. Everytime I confronted my dad over his behavior he would say "You have everything, I bought you expensive clothes, laptops, cell phone, computer, tablet, and this is how you treat me?".

    He is constantly on facebook posting hateful things about other people. He is always boasting about how hes right and everyone elses opinion is wrong. Yet he still wonders why everyone hates him and can't stand him.

    Since I was a young girl he would fill my mind with scary conspiracy theories (Some I agree, some I dont). He taught me that the government can watch us through our T.V. Whether hes correct or not, it was fucked up to tell me that. Later on, he purposely put a T.V. In the bathroom in front of the toilet even though I had a mental breakdown about the government watching us.

    He knows we feel fucking uncomfortable yet he purposely does shit like this to us. My grandma and everyone else is in denial. None of our family members or friends visit us because of my dad. His excuse is "When you speak the truth no one will like you", good heavens! He actually thinks he's in the right about all this!

    I'm homeschooled now because my porn addiction issue was so severe I had withdrawals in the past that were comparable to cocaine withdrawal. I've grown so distant from both my family and my friends. My last friends stopped coming around because of my dad.

    *Sigh*.. It is my fault I'm in this mess anyways. I made bad decisions my entire life. Dad, I'm sorry to put the blame on you. I love you and I dont love you. You're the biggest asshole and problem in my life but im thankful that you gave me a house to live in and food to eat. People in this world have worse than me. Heavenly father please forgive me for being the person I am today.
  2. It just came to my mind just HOW much my dad didn't give a shit about me! I told him two years ago I had a PMO problem and he didn't do shit! He didn't care I was missing and skipping school! He doesn't care that I don't socialize and I don't have much friends. Sometimes I wonder why God allowed me to be born into this family.
  3. Sounds like he's not happy in life, Ive have a bad temper too with my sister and people I've loved...was because i wasnt happy...maybe its unforgivness with some one, or still angry because of the loss of your mom, or hates his job or everything... we tend to take things out on those we love you goto a good church? Try and find a pastor to talk to about it...
    One day have a talk with your dad...after dinner when he's not hungry lol. And just tell him how much you love him. Just ask him why he's so upset all the time. Maybe he just needs someone to open up too...if you can't talk to him persuade him to come meet a friend in church....someome u think he will respect and can talk to him? Try and give him a book to read to help him control his thoughts and help him focus
    Tao Te Ching, the Bible or books on the Buddha

    Moatasem likes this.
  4. Look up Tony Robbins on YouTube.
    Moatasem likes this.
  5. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    Just my thoughts that you may find interesting: I believe codependency can be a cultural norm to some extent (speaking from experience here) and also, quite frankly I think full psychological individuation would be the ideal development as an adult, but it does not seem to happen much. I think it would look alien and uncaring to most people. And the weird thing is people who are not fully individuated are in the position of being some kind of authority or caretaker. Clinical detachment might work with that but not so much in other relationships.
    Moatasem, unk45d3 and HipPete like this.
  6. I wish it was that easy to just sit down and talk to him. But hes absolutely unreasonable. Its the same reason my elder brother moved out of the house. Even when I tried to talk to him before my dad justs makes fun and laughs about what I have to say. Usually it almost always turns into a argument/fight about whos right or whos wrong. My father won't listen to what I have to say and won't give up the fight unless I say hes right. Which I never do, so I end up ignoring the fuck outta him because he acts like a 5 year old when he doesn't have his way.
    Moatasem likes this.
  7. Lol my dad used to flip out and break things around the house like a 5 year old too. It's just cuz there not happy at there job or something in their past they dont deal with that allowing them to be unhappy. Does he drink?
  8. I’m so sorry to read all this. I don’t know how old you are and how possible it is, but move out as soon as you can! You don’t deserve to be treated like this. It will be so good for your mental health. I can relate as my dad has always been a bully as well. He acts like an asshole and then tries to make us feel guilty for not wanting to be around him! I can’t wait to move out sometime this year.
  9. Talk to a pastor about it....get some help threw God's people...its free. Will pray for you.
  10. Crimson Guard

    Crimson Guard Fapstronaut

    Hey 白色玉花 :d your name means white flowers or something? haha, that's nice :d so.. I read your story and.. I can say that.. I kinda understand you because I didn't have anyone to talk to when I was a child. I mean.. my parents were there, my mom was there, my dad was there, but they were too busy.. and.. anytime I wanted to say something or to do something that they considered wrong.. they told me not to, just because they considered like that and because they were afraid of other things. I kinda hated my life, because I ended up in the situation of not being able to talk with my parents. Nothing.. I mean, I am sure that now, when I am not living with them anymore because I am studying at the university, they realized that they don't know anything about me.. I men, maybe they know that I am their child but nothing more than that. And.. is sad, I don't care, but is sad. I had hobbies, I could have gone to several events, but they didn't let me go, and I hated them for that. But you know what? I believe that God gave me this life to be an example, I passed through this life to give my own children a better life! I know what was wrong with my parents, I know how I was beaten for nothing so many times, this was not very nice for me, but it teached me not to repeat these things with my children! That's what I learned! I found my escape in God, because He is mercy, and He can help anyone who guides his life through Him!
    I was never permitted to have a girlfriend, they didn't let me, anytime I was talking to a girl, they told me not to, because is not good. Although, I had a girlfriend, I smoked, I drunk, and I watched porn so much, because I felt so lonely. Now I am fighting to change my life, I stopped smoking and drinking 2 years ago and now I am trying to stop watching porn and to stop masturbating. I have to tell you that it is harder than to stop smoking and drinking together!
    You are going through all these things, for a purpose! Be strong, put your faith in God, and always think that all of these are making you a different person! You will not be like that with your children! You know that! And.. I also thought, how would it be if I had children.. How would I grow up them.. I mean, if your child would come to you and tell you that he smokes... how would you react? Wouldn't you FIRST OF ALL maybe scream, or be angry.. I guess yes.. And.. you know, it is hard to be a parent! But going through these things make you a better one! You'll see! God bless you 白色玉花! :d
    Moatasem, HipPete and Knighthawk like this.
  11. Thank you everyone for your advice and support.
  12. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

    Literally just had an issue with my dad today. He's not as unstable as your dad seems to be but he exhibits similar behavior, as well as some of his own stuff (domineering over the females in his family to the point where he drove away his wife - my mom, acting like a petulant child when he doesn't get his way, physically reprimanding us quite violently when we were children, acting two-faced with people, harboring rather toxic old-fashioned views on society, religiously "devoted", holding his provision over our heads like a cloud of guilt, etc.) and he just pouts and runs away when we disagree over something, especially now that I'm older, and bigger than him. We still live together despite me almost being done with college, which is a problem.

    I love my father but he can be a jerk, overly possessive, and immature. I also hate how similar I can be to him, at times. Our mother (I have four siblings) skipped out on us when I was in high school because he didn't know how to treat his women other than to provide for them/keep them on a short leash. He didn't have the best male role models growing up but now he's passed that same behavior on to his sons.

    A lot of my disgusting habits can be traced back to his treatment of us - although I am my own person, at the end of the day, so the brunt of the blame falls on me. I was very confused growing up - he's capable of wild affection and terrifying rage. I craved his approval and wept every time he yelled and whipped me. I love him, that's the hard fact. That's the kind of father I love.

    I don't want to be a father.

    We all have our issues, though. You seem to have it very hard and I don't envy you. I'm glad you were able to tell your story here. I'm glad that I've told my own, partially. Family is always tough, no matter where you come from.

    Stay strong.
  13. Thank you for also sharing your story. It puts me at ease when I'm able to connect and hear from others that have similar stories as me, it helps me cope to know that I'm not the only one going through stuff like this. Lets all do our best to stay strong and improve ourselves despite being in such a negative world.
    Moatasem and Such Small Hands like this.
  14. What I've learned in my life:
    There is just one way to get free from the burden, others has laid on us: FORGIVE!
    No other possibility but: FORGIVE

    People are wounded. Why? Because other people treat them like shit. And wounded people are wounding others, treating others like shit.
    It is a tough way, but it is possible to forgive the ones who hurt us.

    If you forgive your father, of course you want to be a father, but not a father like your own father.
  15. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    Forgiveness is so important. And, as we all become fathers, there is no better way to help make the world a better place!
    Roady likes this.
  16. I used to hate my father. He was very controlling and negative and he basically made me feel like shit whenever he was around. When I was a young child we were very close and I used to tell people that my dad was my best friend but his verbal and physical abuse drove me to hate him. This destroyed my confidence in myself and my confidence with other people as well.

    I used to want to kill my father and when I was talking with my mother a few weeks ago, she reminded me that I actually tried to as a young kid and I threatened him multiple times. ( I thought this was hilarious) My primary motivation for studying martial arts was to Kick the shit out of my father as he was a ranger in Vietnam. For a long time I blamed my father for alot of my personal shortcomings, PMO and relationship problems.

    When I really started taking my relationship with God seriously, I began reading the bible and then I realized how it was the lack of forgiveness that perpetuated the Issues that began with my father. After maturing a little bit I realized my father acted that way because his parents were total pieces of shit. For a while I adopted a zero tolerance policy towards his abusiveness and I talk a ridiculous amount of shit when he took things to far. This made me feel great but ultimately it was unproductive. I never went as fas as kicking his ass but I was very tempted to more than a few times.

    I had some resentment towards my mother because she would get upset with my father when he acted that way towards me but she never did anything. I realized both of my parents loved me in their own way but they couldnt love me adequately because of the negative interactions that they had with their parents. Both of my parents did really well in their careers but in many ways theyre both emotionally immature. I dont think this is an excuse but now I understand and dont hold their behavior against them.

    Now my father is alot older and Im not sure how much time he has as he has parkinsons due to exposure to agent orange and he suffered a stroke a few years ago. I can tell hes very ashamed of his behavior and it makes him feel like shit. We get along better but we've still never discussed these things.

    At the end of the day I realized 2 things. My shortcomings are my fault and are a result an incorrect response to my negativity. My quality of life and my ability to deal with my fathers negativity once I started taking responsibility for my behavior and dealing with my emotions properly and maturely.

    If God can forgive me for wasting half of my life on selfish bullshit like Drugs and PMO then I should be able to forgive anyone for anything. Even with the abuse I suffered, Im 1000 times more fortunate then my parents were. I realize that their shortcomings were a result of the negativity they suffered and moving past my issues and not holding grudges were key in allowing me to improve as a person.
  17. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    How do we forgive our Fathers?
    Maybe in a dream
    Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
    when we were little?

    Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
    or making us nervous
    because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

    Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
    For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

    And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
    Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
    for shutting doors
    for speaking through walls
    or never speaking
    or never being silent?

    Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
    or their deaths
    saying it to them or not saying it?

    If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

    - Sherman Alexie
  18. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    It is not necessarily your fault that you’re a pmo addict. Your parents didn’t do their job and as a consequence you became exposed to stuff you should have never been exposed to.

    So, yeah you got a raw deal. So did I. But, we have to move on and start taking care of ourselves. The sooner you can get away from that jerk the better. I assume you have to live at home because your age? Soon you’ll be free to leave. Then you go, get in college. You’ll make friends, don’t worry.

    My dad was the same way. I tried to tell him, to relate as normal people but he was/is too self consumed to make any real connection. Now I avoid him completely and I’m much better for it.

    I feel your pain. Work on parenting yourself and wait for the day when you’ll be free.
  19. Shapirous

    Shapirous Fapstronaut

    You need say how you feel about all this things and how you love him.
  20. same story here. Ive denied my father and cut contact to 0. He is responsible for all shit Ive gonei n life.
    Deleted Account likes this.

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