My dad is a bully (RANT)

I'm only part chinese. I'm a mix of European, Uyghur (维吾尔), and filipino. I don't speak much chinese but I'm trying to learn.

 

It's so conflicting. I love them and they say they "love" me, they honestly think what they're doing for me is the best for me, but they have no idea how much they are damaging me and my little brother mentally. I am the most dysfunctional person you could ever meet.

I never called it abuse because they never really physically did anything to me. It's mostly mental/emotional and verbal and no one takes that shit seriously. I don't know man. It's like everyone in my household is bipolar, like I said it's like walking on eggshells. One moment my dad could be in a good mood and joking with me, the next moment he could be shouting and screaming at my grandma for dropping the TV remote.

It's really fucked up to see the effect on my little brother though. He's showing signs of emotional neglect and everyone's denying it. Dad sits him in front of TV or video games 24/7 while he drives step mom to work. He's being a bully to other little kids at church and causing problems. One time he yelled "I hate little kids they're full of demons!" And my father replied "you're right they probably all have demons."

It's so fucking frustrating! My dad is blaming other kids and parents when it's his own kid that's causing problems!

 

I've been wanting to go to counseling for so long and thats actually one of the things I tried to talk to my dad about. But he got all paranoid and said "If the government knows your mentally ill they'll take away our guns" or "they'll put us on a watch list" and other stuff like that

I'm 18 but I haven't got my drivers license yet. But soon I'm going to try. Part of the reason is that I'm afraid to drive ever since the car wreck that killed my mom, I was sitting in the back seat when it all happened

My aunt recently died and my oldest brother drove me to the funeral and home. He told me he'll help me move out into a apartment nearby as long as I try to help myself by studying hard and learning to drive.

Also this april/may I scheduled to fly out by myself to visit my friend in California. She's literally been my only support system throughout all this. She also said she'll help me with university and stuff so I'm really excited for that.

 

You really have an inspiring and sad story..your words encourages us to never give up !! We must learn what a family matters and not everyone is blessed with it.. I hope everything will get fine for you sister..Plz stay strong.

 

It sounds like your dad honestly may have mental problems, and your mom passing probably threw him over the edge. Sorry about your mom passing by the way. I know how it is to lose a parent. See, my dad and I didn't get along sometimes. Sometimes I even felt that I hated him, but I never really did. I was just so angry at times. My dad had a very bad temper, which is where I get mine from, but he wasn't a bad person. Life got too hard on us at one point and he kinda became a bitter person. He'd complain about the smallest things. He made me feel like I couldn't do anything right, even though he never actually came out and said it. One time it got to a boiling point and he said some things that you just can't take back, but I forgave him for it because I knew he didn't really mean it. Life just got way too fucked up on him and he lost it. I won't get into too many details, but life was fucked at that time. Anyway, he passed away a little over a year ago and despite all the bad times we had, at the end I didn't even give them a passing glance because he was my dad and I loved him and I miss him every second of every fucking day. The point is, he's still your dad, and I guarantee he loves you, even if it may not seem like it. You might feel like you hate him sometimes, but just try to look past that and remember that he's your dad and he's the only one you have or will ever have. One day you may not have him and you don't want to have any regrets about your relationship with him when he's gone, because then it's too late.

 

Tbh I don't care if I lose him in fact I wish it was him instead of my mom that passed. It just her death, he's been a bully ever since I was born. He mocks everyone and if you ever saw the stuff he posts on Facebook you'd dislike him too. He thinks he's above everyone and the law. I can't stand how he mocks and bullys my grandma and uncle for no reason. It's complete emotional abuse.

He also not only has me trapped into a codependent relationship, he has trapped my grandma and my step mom into one as well. We only have one working car, and it's my grandma's, yet he takes it and uses it when he wants and sometimes my grandma can't use it when she needs to. I told her to put her foot down because it's her car but she never speaks up either. My step mom is 28 years old and doesn't drive or have her drivers licence yet because he doesn't let her. So she's completely dependant on him to drive her to work. Also, he doesn't allow my step mom to visit her friends and also threatened them one time. Not only that but he takes most of the money she makes at work for bills and stuff.

He's also in control of my money! When my mom died I had a huge annuity check, that's a lot of money. That money is from the government and I'm suppose to use that for my future college and stuff, but he's been borrowing it, and using my social security check for bills and stuff.

He really should of never had kids. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

 

I'm so mad! Today I had my door locked and was listening to music, so he took a pin and unlocked my door and barged in!

 

Also at my aunt's funeral a week ago he kept making ignorant comments saying stuff like "Thats what happens when you don't eat healthy". And he joked to my grandma "Maybe if you pray she'll wake up". I'm disgusted. He's an adult yet he doesn't know boundaries or how to respect someone .

Btw now that I know he can picklock my door I'm putting clay in the keyhole.

 

Your dad has all the hallmarks of someone that never processed his grief over losing his wife and he's taking it out on everyone. I'm speaking as someone that's gone through something similar, and going to counseling made a huge difference for me. Even though it happened a long time go, it sounds like he can really benefit from talking to someone about how he feels. Sounds like he'd never go for it, based on the things you've said, but he's clearly in pain and processing it the wrong way.

 

@白色玉花, if you are worried, or feel threatened, please go to the relevant authorities. There may be genuine medical reasons for your father's behaviour, but it doesn't negate the bad effects it has and could have on you. It would make things understandable, but it doesn't make things right. I was removed from my Mother for my own protection when I was 17. When you are physically and emotionally safe, then you can safely forgive. Until then, please take care.