My Daily Progress: Read and Learn

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by BoxPlot, Feb 13, 2019.

  1. BoxPlot

    BoxPlot Fapstronaut

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    This is my day by day progress. I hope some of you can relate to my progress and learn from it because I talk about my weaknesses, why they are happening, when they are happening, and what I probably could have done to prevent a relapse!

    I will just mention two of the reasons why I want to quit pmo. NEVER forget the reason why you want to quit!

    1. I DO NOT think sex is bad, its great, but my wife left me after 11 years, probably because I was a sex addict. So to lose the most important person in the world to me after 11 years because of this addiction has broke my heart. It’s made me feel like an animal. Now sex just reminds me of my worst failure in life and it hurts. BUT NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SEXUAL DESIRES. That’s a warning. No matter how good you think your reasons are.

    2. The first reason now reminds me of how much PMO has control me. I realize how much pmo had control over me and its crazy! Addiction to pmo can make a person have animalistic tendencies, and I seen this in myself a bit and I really did hate it, but I just couldn’t help it! I felt like a wolf hungry for flesh, wanting to eat and feed my craving. It was so powerful. I don’t WANT anything to have that powerful of control over me at all! I want full control of myself. I should be able to have full control over myself and not fall victim. I want full control over my life from now on. I want to be NORMAL about this.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2019
    Nugget9 likes this.
  2. Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

    I don't know of any OTC drugs that would cut your libido, plus this may harm your body in some other way. You need to have a different mindset and want to change for yourself and loved ones, if you don't have this I don't believe you have a long term chance. Read on here and you will learn a lot. Welcome and good luck.
     
    BoxPlot likes this.
  3. I think we all struggle with this same exact situation on some level. You just have to make the decision of not wanting to engage those sexual thoughts and come up with your big WHY. Write that down and know it. When the urges strike that's when you have to go back to that "why" the second they strike. When you're fighting an urge repeat your reasons over and over in your head and just do some deep breathing and it will pass. It takes practice and conscious effort, but you'll eventually start to make more progress. To say something like I struggle with sexual urges and I'm not going to do that anymore is not good enough. You've got to put in the hard work and set yourself up for success so that when urges do hit - you'll have a list of tools and techniques you can use to get over them.
     
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  4. BoxPlot

    BoxPlot Fapstronaut

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    DAY 2: CLEAR! Still hate what I’ve done, and have no desire to turn back. I have kept my mental energy focused on why I wish to stop all together. I have been working all day, that does help. However, even during work I did see a couple of girls that were pretty attractive, yet no thought came into my mind whatsoever. I know better than to dwell on something I hate. It’s the appeal to my body is what makes it hard. But I separate the body from my mind and its desires. Today I was successfull all day, but this is a journey, so I will see how this plays out each day.
     
  5. BoxPlot

    BoxPlot Fapstronaut

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    DAY 3: CLEARED! Today went pretty smooth without any desires or pressure. My thoughts were clear all day. Not a single thought about sex, and definitely not dwellign on it. This is sort of unusual since I was so so tired. I wake up at 3am and had to go to work and already had little sleep to begin with. I notice the more tired or exhausted I get from such little sleep that the easier my guard comes down. When my yes burn from tiredness then that means my mind and body is also weaker. I don’t quite know how to explain it, and when I had a bit of alcohol it really put me out of it! It’s points like this that could really put me to the test. I think it was my desire to hate how I feel after pmo that caused me to not even think twice about jumping into it. The more I just considered the temptation as a passing thought in a cloud, the easier it was to not fall to it. The more I succeed in tests while I’m weak like this the STRONGER these weak moments can make me.

    I have to say I really do feel a lot happier and my mind more focused on positive things when I don’t induldge in any lustful thoughts. DAY 3 PASSED!
     
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  6. BoxPlot

    BoxPlot Fapstronaut

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    DAY 4: PASSED! I felt weaker than usual, seen a few hot girls, but then brushed it off. I noticed that the more you try NOT to think about something, the more likely it will pop up later. This is a curse most of us are falling into without realizing it! That’s because one part of your brain is trying to REMEMBER what it needs to forget! Subconsciously it keeps a thought in the back of your head, its a serious loophole that we all need to get out of. Let any sexual thoughts just pass by like a cloud. Realize how easily you can get tangled up if you entertain a sexual thought even for a couple of SECONDS. This is a real war, a real struggle. I realize how weak I am when I get so tired from major lack of sleep. My guard, everything comes down more.

    What I’m learning is...three death traps for me.

    1. If you’re tired to the point where your eyes burn and feel heavy, the point where your head feels fuzzy and warm, then your mind is also going to be weaker and you wont have the STRENGTH to avoid the most pleasurable lustful thoughts. You’re setup to fail.

    2. Do not keep telling yourself that you will avoid sexual thoughts! Do not keep thinking “I WLL AVOID THIS”, because you are already preparing your mind to think of it! The more you try NOT to think about sexual thoughts, the more likely you will think of it eventually! This is a death trap. Accept that you can’t avoid these thoughts entirely, but then let the thoughts pass you by like a cloud. Separate yourself from them. It’s hard to explain, but this is possible if you’re NOT TRYING to avoid the thoughts. AND DO NOT entertain them.

    3. Once you allow sexual thoughts to enter even a TINY BIT, then that pleasure can overpower your reasons why you are trying to stop in the first place. It’s like the thought of extreme pleasure can actually cloud your mind and heart from your positive reasons to quit. Sad but true. You won’t be able to help it, it will be too late, you’ll relapse. You relapse because now all you can think about is pleasure. Your heart gets involved with lust and you won’t be able to think straight. This is why after you have an O you feel guilty. That’s because once you climax, that lust and pleasure instantly vanishes and your mind and heart clears, and now you’re like “WTF DID I JUS DO”...now suddenly all your reasons why you wanted to quit come back to you. This is EXACTLY what is happening to us who struggle. Many of us just don’t know how to explain it. Glad I’m posting this here on Day 4.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2019
    Nugget9 likes this.
  7. Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

    You explained it very well that you must not keep thinking about NoFAP, but rather keep it in the back of your mind so you are more likely not to relapse. It is a difficult situation.
     

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