This is my first post on this site. I'm 22 years old. two years ago, I tried pick-up , and it didn't go well. In addition to that , I started getting social anxiety around girls I wanted to start with. A year has passed , and I started going to collage for programming. I wanted to try again. So I searched for anything that could help me with my social anxiety. From that, I found about the benefits when not masturbating for a certain amount of time. At first, I was motivated and when I started I felt A-L-I-V-E ! A month or so has passed. I relapsed and tried again. From that time I started realizing what was going thou my mind. Since I barely got any good reaction from any girl,my mind usually shifts me about fantasizing on my crush from high-school. She was the only one I had good time talking with her. its were my lust really begins to shine , for the bad reasons of course. I've never met her again since high-school but I can check her social profile online, browsing her images with her soulmate. Call me a stalker , but no matter what, you'll always want that good feeling that happened in your life, and for me it was her. When I go outside, I'm well aware of my surroundings and I can be a friendly guy with everybody. Sadly , my comfort zone doesn't last long , when I see a couple doing what couples are doing. So , what happens when I start the challenge again ? motivation ? happiness ? No .... the same depression with a bit of lust that grows everyday with the challenge. When week passes , I start getting more aware of my "social status" and anger begins to consume me. Currently I in the 10th day. All my negative emotions are boiling all together. Somehow, I manage to stir myself with my anger. Aiming to become a better person on all platforms. Finding a job, learning new programming languages, hanging out with friends. Its strange to say this ,but I would would rather feel raw emotion of anger rather than feeling nothing at all. As long as I'm aware of myself I can keep moving forward. And hopefully , I'll forget about my crush and feel good about myself. As you have probably realized , I'm a very twisted guy. I have lot more to talk about but I feel as I've introduced myself clear enough about me.