slitebg
Fapstronaut
Hey guys, I have somehting I need to get off my chest bad and I wasn't sure where to post so here it goes: long story short, my ex (for a lack of a better term) has been a toxic influence in my life for years now. Just as my other bad habits and addictions, communicating with her (especially on the internet) has become a nasty habit.
Enough backstory - now to the point. Yesterday I made the huge mistake of innocently sending her a link for a song she would like, I though. That spiraled into hours-long chat, where I wanted to cut her off but just couldn't. She then proceeded to share with me her fantasy she has right now - having a threesome with two men from the small town she lives in. You would say, people do nasty stuff, it's okay. You would say what do you care, she's not your gf or anything. I have to say I care deeply for this girl even though it's clear we are never going to have a serious intimate relationship. She calls herself a whore and believes this is the real her, which of course is nonsense, she is pretty much addicted to porn like all of us and her brain has been brainwashed by it.
Now don't get me wrong - in my heaviest PMO days I would have been much worse fantasy-wise. Problem is, she actually was thinking of doing it. As much as I got into porn and fantasies, I always knew they were just that - illusions and temptations.
So why am I sharing this? The moment she shared that perverted fantasy with me, I was not that much shocked as I really felt on an energetic level what she was considering. My gut turned to a stone and my heart felt like it was pierced. And no, I was not jealous (I am used to her talking about other men). It was the way she told me 'I want to have a threesome with these guys'. I hated her then and there. I hated myself for talking to her at all. I should have know. Now I know this isn't really her, it's the demonic little voice that always tries to lie and deceive us. That's what really hurt, seeing how she is about to darken her soul, even by thinking that, God forbid she really does it.
What is difficult here is that I am 20 days into NoFap so such images and information really work as a trigger. Becoming suddenly emotionally unstable, brief thoughts of reverting to PMO flashed in my mind. 'C'mon, give in, you will forget all about that stuff.' I know this is a trick of the mind and I won't give in, but last night and today I feel like crap. I know this is not very manly or whatever, but it's still the truth. I feel good just bringing this to light here on NoFap. I know you guys will understand. I would love some tips on how to cope with this right now or just plain support. Thank you for being here!
Enough backstory - now to the point. Yesterday I made the huge mistake of innocently sending her a link for a song she would like, I though. That spiraled into hours-long chat, where I wanted to cut her off but just couldn't. She then proceeded to share with me her fantasy she has right now - having a threesome with two men from the small town she lives in. You would say, people do nasty stuff, it's okay. You would say what do you care, she's not your gf or anything. I have to say I care deeply for this girl even though it's clear we are never going to have a serious intimate relationship. She calls herself a whore and believes this is the real her, which of course is nonsense, she is pretty much addicted to porn like all of us and her brain has been brainwashed by it.
Now don't get me wrong - in my heaviest PMO days I would have been much worse fantasy-wise. Problem is, she actually was thinking of doing it. As much as I got into porn and fantasies, I always knew they were just that - illusions and temptations.
So why am I sharing this? The moment she shared that perverted fantasy with me, I was not that much shocked as I really felt on an energetic level what she was considering. My gut turned to a stone and my heart felt like it was pierced. And no, I was not jealous (I am used to her talking about other men). It was the way she told me 'I want to have a threesome with these guys'. I hated her then and there. I hated myself for talking to her at all. I should have know. Now I know this isn't really her, it's the demonic little voice that always tries to lie and deceive us. That's what really hurt, seeing how she is about to darken her soul, even by thinking that, God forbid she really does it.
What is difficult here is that I am 20 days into NoFap so such images and information really work as a trigger. Becoming suddenly emotionally unstable, brief thoughts of reverting to PMO flashed in my mind. 'C'mon, give in, you will forget all about that stuff.' I know this is a trick of the mind and I won't give in, but last night and today I feel like crap. I know this is not very manly or whatever, but it's still the truth. I feel good just bringing this to light here on NoFap. I know you guys will understand. I would love some tips on how to cope with this right now or just plain support. Thank you for being here!