Alright here is my conflict recap for future self and anyone who want to read. Tuesday: I was feeling irritable and not dealing with it in healthy ways. (I.E. drinking 2 beers and yelling at kids) My wife noticed and tried to be curious. She got triggered within about 30 seconds and needed to disengage. Things got messy. I, already being in a bad state made the bad choice of going up and picking a fight with her. Doors slamming, yelling all the works. After kids went to bed, we talked again with more ugliness. I knew I was in a bad place and I was feeling very hurt and manipulated at the time. That night I did some arousal seeking activity, browsing. I did not reset, but I was one decision away from it. Wednesday: I decided to leave for work early and not engage with my wife in person. This was triggering in an of itself for her so I sent her an email first thing in the morning stating what I had done the night before (this is part of our boundaries around technology). We fought through email all day. That night, we tried to talk it through again. It went on and on. It started on the drive home over the phone and I just kept driving in circles through town and arguing, then she hung up on me and I made a call to my AP, vented and headed home. We were up until about 11 fighting it out. She had a full trauma response. On the floor screaming and crying. It was terrible. The one victory from that night is that in that moment I did not abandon her emotionally. I held her and let her cry and told her I wasnt going to leave her like last time. But over all it was a rough night. Thursday: We both avoided talking about things until the evening. We started talking after the kids went to bed and she expressed how I don't get it many times. I would estimate that she said "you dont understand" or "you don't get it" about 20-30 times this week. So I looked up how to express empathy. Up until that point I definitely had a cognitive understanding of why she was feeling what she was, but I was not going there with my emotions. So I decided to talk through the whole conflict asking myself "if I were her how would I feel?" So I did that and she started crying and things got better for her. That night ended around 1030. Friday: I overslept. She woke me up and was in a way better mood. So that was it. Today I went to counseling and group and talk through my side of it. My disappoinment with my relationship right now. I really feel trapped by my own choices. My counselor gave me a book called how to help your spouse heal from your affair which I read this afternoon. Today is a new day. And I will choose to learn from this conflict. I am not going to let this pain go to waste.