My Femdom Urges

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Usman123, Jul 1, 2020.

  1. Usman123

    Usman123 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Everyone! if you guys have read my previous threads then you guys know that I am battling this femdom addiction of mine. I have blocked all the kinky people and all the sites I was in and I was back to my normal life.

    But I am having these urges which sometimes so difficult to control. when I had them, I masturbate and that's fine but when I again create my accounts in kinky sites and if I spend more than some hours there then it's difficult to quit it even after masturbation cuz I started talking with Mistresses, I started talking to them on whatsapp and instagram then and I just keep getting into it and it's keep getting more difficult for me to leave as much time as I spend there.

    I don't know what to do. please help me out with this how to deal with these urges and how I can stop myself from going to those sites again and talking to those people.

    would love to read your comments about it and I a happy to find this platform where people are soo friendly and helpful, Thankyou
     
  2. IbrahimViking

    IbrahimViking Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps it will be helpful for you to realise that people you speak with are not any 'mistresses'? But vanilla women who are in a subservient position to pretend to be what you potentially would pay for (directly or indirectly)? The phenomenon that is the most surprising to me personally, is how a fantasy created a fantasy of a fantasy of a fantasy, and THAT - a fiction based on a fiction of a fiction, you think you are addicted to.
     
  3. Prince6543

    Prince6543 Fapstronaut

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    Take it like that. If you want to make your life better, don't do anything you can't do in front of your friends. That's the simplest elaboration i could provide you with
     
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  4. Usman123

    Usman123 Fapstronaut

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    whoa! I read it twice to finally make sense to me and it is soo true. but the problem is that even after knowing about it myself, I still do it and I still can't stop it, I mean like at one day I am reading all this and saying that I'll never gonna do that and it's bullshit and the next day I am doing it again.
     
  5. IbrahimViking

    IbrahimViking Fapstronaut

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    Here's more advice. Take it or leave it:
    a desire to engage with a bad, mean mistress that has power over you always springs from guilt.
    It could be of benefit to try to not resist the urge to use a fake porn site, which, as you see, doesn't help (what you resist, persists), but instead ask yourself about the source of the guilt that you must be feeling from your early years. Ask yourself if the guilt is trying to tell you something. Sit in quiet and listen to the thoughts that pop up. Just watch them all. There could be no thoughts at all - just a feeling of guilt consuming you and passing through, so to say. It will peak, and then you'll feel relief.
    I cannot guarantee that this will help, but if this suggestion evokes your curiously, try it. If what I wrote irritates you, it's your intuition telling you not to try it, at least at this point, and I would listen to the intuition.
    By the way, above is also a hint to your second question. Perhaps you try to resist it so hard that it's all you think about.
     
  6. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Please tell me about your emotions. Your non sexual internal struggles
     
  7. Phoenix31213

    Phoenix31213 Fapstronaut

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    Are you experiencing stressors that trigger your cravings, like boredom or fatigue? If you can identify what is leading to the behavior you try to remedy that, avoid the stressor. Also high risk situations like spending too time on instagram could lead you to temptations you'd rather avoid.
     
  8. hey, half of the "mistresses" on internet chatrooms or internetsites are men who catfish u (Trust me I saw and experienced it by myself). The most of them are probably poor sex and porn addicts like us that try to get off somehow. When u know this and u are actually into girls I guess its a big downturn. When u already created new accounts on kinky webistes its probably to late to stop. when u give ur brain any chance to start the dopamine mashine again its pretty hard to stop it. SO dont give ur brain a chance dont make it hope, it can be a pretty sneaky person. ;)
    good luck
     
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  9. PrinceDaniel

    PrinceDaniel Fapstronaut

    I dealt with the exact same problem. I've watched porn for 9 years. When I tried to quit, I switched to these same websites looking for femdom mistresses. I ended up chatting with these mistresses and even paying them. It fucked me up so much that I even wanted to serve gay men and M/F couples, which almost happened. I almost went to a couple that wanted me a their slave.
    If I went through with that path I would have destroyed me.

    Now the only one I kneel before is God. I put all my submissiveness into Our Lord. Please give it a try. It helped me so so damn much.
     
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  10. josedelamuerte

    josedelamuerte Fapstronaut

    This is so very insightful. Thank you!
     
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  11. Peaceful magic 21

    Peaceful magic 21 Fapstronaut

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    Are you saying that wanting to be abused and submitting is based around just guilt? I’ve always wondered why sometimes I’d find myself in that weird place. Why I’d want to just surrender and give away control. It always leaves me feeling awful about myself but wonder why crave it at times? When other times I’d feel confident and dominant. I wondered if there was a bit of a feminine side to me that needed relieving ( I hope not haha)
     
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  12. IbrahimViking

    IbrahimViking Fapstronaut

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    Peaceful Magic, I will answer your question as best I can, but now I have more questions myself.
    "It always leaves me feeling awful".
    Why? What exactly is "awful" about an urge to let go, relax and surrender, could you clarify?
    Why do you "hope" that there isn't a "feminine side" to you?
    Did someone shame you for not being man enough, or did you watch a man or a woman insult someone by saying they were not "man enough"?


    Now to answer your question to me: I said "guilt" because I know that a person always wants to feel better. That's obvious, but my point is that our psychological state changes only incrementally, slowly. We can take a cup of coffee, for example, to feel less lethargic or discouraged, or bored, or a shot of vodka to feel less insecure, but without qualitatively CHRONIC, long-term change, we bounce back to how we felt before. Long term state (and I do call "guilt" one of those states, because some people feel shame and guilt constantly, without being too aware of it - they put it on the back burner, so to say) changes ARE possibe. But they always happen gradually, and "blame" is a feeling that feels just a degree better than "guilt". Many chronically "guilty" (according to how they feel) people will feel relief at an idea of having a "bad woman" to "blame" for their sex behavior, rather than an "innocent pure girl" who they feel they "taint" by their activities. The guilt does not have to be about sexual behavior - it's just an example. When an ego cannot bear its guilt, it projects it onto other people, and feels a relief. It says "I am not the perpetrator - she is the perpetrator". I hope it's clear that I'm talking about subconscious psychological phenomena, rather than rational thinking most of us are aware of on daily basis.
    This enormous relief that one feels from one's guilt is often what attracts one to pretend to sexually submit. Not the chains and latex gags as such. This isn't true about everyone.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2021
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  13. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    here, if you'v read fifty shades of grey and think that's bdsm try this hopefully(imo biased opinion) it will keep from from getting further into the lifestyle but fair warning the writers despite their neutral take on BDSM have an open advocacy of it.
    As long as you are doing pmo you can never truly know wether that is something you truly like or just boredom escalation.
     
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