My first real step to become hard

Hi guys,

I have became aware of this forum 4 years ago when I discovered the root cause of my Erectile Dysfunction which is....surprise Porn. Today I decided to create a forum account and share my personal secreted story, because I have been fighting my PIED with wrong methods and this can no longer continue and I need (your) help.

[--[ prologue]--]
I'm a 38 year old guy that came into contact with porn at a very young age, around 8 years. At that time it started very innocent with magazines,playboys and porn strips. It escalated when I (age14) got a VHS+television unit in my room and started watching porn with the corresponding masturbation acts. My sole concern at that time was not to get caught by my parents, but I recall getting busted by my parents with their rental tape at least two times. My mom was furious, but my dad chuckled because he was a bigger wanker than I was.

Anyway, things got very very problematic when I reached 17 years old and Internet porn was becoming a real thing. Why waste time with acquiring porn tapes when you can download from the biggest database available and secretly store all those goodies on drives and cd-roms? Well, I'm not going to lie, I had a blast of a time exploring my sexuality at that time which I barely scratched the surface of.

[--[ real sex ]--]
Then Real sex happened around 18 years old and it was the best thing ever.
Often I fantasized how a vagina would feel from the inside and how it would taste. In the beginning I did not have any issues getting hard and staying hard. The first thing I was struck with PIED was when I visited a good looking prostitute and could not get hard. I felt so ashamed of my dead dick, but I attributed this failure to use of weed and stress.

[--[ method 1 : prostitutes ]--]
At that time I thought I could cure my limp dick by just training myself to get relaxed. Because I did not want this to happen when I was with a nice potential girlfriend. At that time I had absolutely nobody to talk about this problem due to shame, so I had to fix it by myself. In the meanwhile I decided to train by using prostitutes and meditation. I was an average good looking guy, that would not need a prostitute for sex, but I felt that this anonymous training could not do any real harm and the excitement i felt in my body prior to having forbidden sex with hookers was worth everything. This continued for years with various results, but at 80% of the time my dick would fail and I would resort to manual to finish the job. During this exciting prostitute phase I discovered that I was mostly at ease with slightly older women(40+) that would offer a Girlfriend Experience. Some young(20) model looking prostitutes got angry, so I did not prefer them until I was fixed.

[--[ Method 2: V1agra ]--]
Around 23 years old I started dating older woman (30+) and guess what?
My PIED was at its worst. I panicked and chucked my life work gigantic porn stash in the trash outside. Gigabits of CDR's and DVD's all gone in a moment of fear, like tears in the rain. I really felt useless and ran out of ideas and got desperate and decided to visit a doctor that subscribed me V1agra. Holy crap, that worked instantly and my dick was hard as rock and I could perform till deep in the night. All my problems were solved, well so i thought..... My main problem was that I never could tell my girlfriend that I had to use V to get it up with her, because she would have definitely dumped my dead dick right there, and I would not blame her. So what could I do than to keeping silently using V? The other problem was that V (due to subscription) was very expensive and it only works when you take it 20 minutes prior to having sex. This secret planing and lying put a lot of stress on my relationship with this nice older woman and in the end I guess she suspected my V usage. Obviously there are also many health disadvantages of using V.


[--[ Married : PIED dormant ]--]
Then the best thing ever happened to me, because I met the girl of my dreams not long after the breakup with the older girlfriend. Still a PIED patient, I also continued using V with my dream girl, but somehow I managed to lower the usage until my PIED went dormant. At that moment, my Porn usage heavily declined and I was so relaxed with my new girlfriend I never felt the PIED stress. Not long after I married this fantastic woman and started a family with her. Life and sex was good to us, but then.

[--[ PIED resurrected ]--]
Every married man here knows that the sex life will suffer when having kids and so did our lives. As a man I knew I had to lower my expectations for a while. But due to her hormone problems, destroyed vagina, crying babies, saggy tits, work, etc. My wife's libido diminished to almost 0 and we end up not having sex for almost two years. I was uncertain what to expect at that time and resorted to heavy porn usage to keep my sexual urges in check and this eventually escalated to me cheating on my wife by going to a prostitute. After the first visit I felt shocked and was disgusted by my act of adultery. But my loathing wasn't enough to stop my pathetic transgressions, so I continued throughout the years and my dark friend PIED was always there with me at every prostitute visit.

[--[nofap easymode ]--]
Meanwhile I discovered the root cause of my PIED and stopped using porn sites and restrained my sexual habits only to masturbation, (the very occasional) real sex and pictures of naked women. This soft method brought me some decent results and wasn't that difficult to maintain. But, in the end it was not a stable method for me because it only took one good fight with my wife to send me on a porn binge that lasted for days. Oh man, how depleted and depressed I was after each binge. Suffice it to say, this method was not the right path. I also noticed my fetishes to sporadically shift from hetero to transwoman sex, rape sex and other genres. Self loathing after a fap was normal for me, but these genres brought me to the next level.

[--[ Day 1/90]--]
Now its 2019 and I'm almost 40 years old with a PIED dick and my sex life with my wife is 0. It's not the best situation to initiate a reboot by going for a hard method, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes. After reading many fantastic topics I decided to go for the 90 day hard method because nothing else will suffice for me. From experience I know that not watching any porn is doable for me, however I suspect some trouble not being able to release the pressure by masturbating. The longest I have ever managed was about two weeks, so I'm very curious to see how the next 89 days will progress. As a newbie I will be prone to failure, but all my recent faps have brought me zero fulfillment, so I wont miss anything fantastic. Of course curing PIED will require me to make some other lifestyle changes as well, like eating healthy, sports and getting 8 hours of sleep. My biggest masturbation triggers are boredom, stress and depression. It will be key for me to keep these triggers far away as possible. In all honesty I do not expect to be 100% PIED cured in merely 90 days, but I really think this method will give me some important insights and mental benefits that will thrive me to continue far beyond the initial 90 days.

I will proceed this lifestyle project and will do a lot of reading and sharing with you. It's strange, but just writing this confession of my darkest secrets makes me feel significantly better. Thanks for reading.

 

Hey man, really thanks for responding and your help!
I read your story as well and you are absolutely right. There are so many men here suffering from PIED and most have them have become "woke" only
in the last years. PIED is a new phenomenon that mainly damaged the last two generations and continues do so in a surging rate. But, due to ignorance and shame this
subject is still underexposed. Most doctors don't even know what PIED is let alone how to cure it for us desperate men.

Besides reading the nofap threads I also benefited greatly from the
- Youtube channel : "PornReboot"
- The book : 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson
- The book : Can't hurt me by David Goggins and his amazing youtube channel.

By hearing successful stories from other young men I became aware that PIED never comes alone and there is always something else accompanied with it.
It can be loneliness, depression, gambling, sickness, poverty, drugs, etc. So many addictions have a similar patron but also have a similar way out which is
getting your life back together to become a better version of you. Therefor just stopping P en M will just not cut it. Everybody has an unique situation where
their PIED is currently residing in. I have identified all the negative habits in my life and have implemented big steps to replace them with something positive.
For example I have 100% quit Facebook, Instagram, Partying, Binge eating/drinking, negative friends. Doing this resulted in having far more time to spend
on sports, my kids and reading. Unfortunately I still have the habits of extensive gaming, netfix and procrastinating but these things can be kept in control for now.
There is always the risk of making too many sudden changes and failing big time, therefore I'm fine for the time being.

I envy the men here that can openly talk about their Porn Addition with their partner. There is so much hassle going on in my own relationship so I don't
feel its the best time to come clean to my wife. But who knows, maybe someday I will be ready.

 

I relapsed yesterday after doing a 6 day streak, fucking hell

I thought i was in a flatline state since my normal trigger locations did not trigger me like the shower, computer and bed.
So i tested it by going to a hooker review site where one my steady hookers from 1.5 years back is still listed. no pictures just explicit details, but it was a dumb idea because I ended up getting hard and rubbing myself with my pants still on.
I did not orgasm, but I failed by pleasuring myself like this and having very vivid sex scenes racing in my mind.

OK, I'm back on the horse again, counter reset and on the trail.

 

Yesterday night I made love with a woman I recently met and was eagerly looking forward to a romantic session at her place.
After kissing and cuddling on the couch She quickly invited me to her bedroom.
As I entered the bedroom she started to undress me and quickly wanted to pull down my shorts, but I kindly
stopped her and threw her on the bed after lifting her dress and continued to slowly kiss, nibble and lick her from top to bottom.
We then slowly proceeded with oral sex and it felt so good and I can truthfully say that she gave me the best blow job I ever felt.
It didn't take us long to orally orgasm. After a long kissing break I tried to penetrate her, but my biggest concern became reality.
My PIED came back and I was severely struggling to keep an erection.
A flush of defeat rained over me, since I didn't see this coming looking at my NoFap progress.
Eventough my dick failed me once again, I still had a fantastic evening, night and morning with this woman.

After last night I'm left with more questions than answers, but various things have become more clear to me.
My PIED has to stop. Years of porn did so much damage to my dopamine receptors, I need to do a longer NoFap streak to improve.
Although I fully quit looking at porn, I still failed because of edging, so edging is off the table starting from today. Counter reset.