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Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by MadWoman, Apr 19, 2018.
I don't even know where to begin.
Welcome. There are many of us here that know how you feel.
You just did.
Welcome to the forum!!
Welcome! We are sorry for the reason, but glad you have found us. You are not alone. Many of us know exactly how you feel.
Welcome, check out my signatures for resources! You are not alone and there are tons of SO's here that have probably experienced similar things. This is a long journey, and there is support here to help you through!
I had to work today. I just don't have the energy to process and deal with this right now. I want this to just go away like a bad dream.
There are so many that I understand where you’re at right now. Hold on to us. We will help you through. I’m not that far along but I found a lot of support here.
Hey @MadWoman - we're all with you.
Glad you found your way here.
(As a PA, I said the same thing when I'd enough of my addiction.)
Welcome and thanks for joining this group. I'm sure you'll find a myriad of support from the fine SO's here.
If I could suggest anything, it would be this: This is sometimes a long road. His addiction didn't form overnight and neither will his recovery. I was 'stuck' for way too long - making efforts, but slipping back to where I started often. For me personally, my recovery really started to take hold when my wife began to show some compassion for me. Not for my habit, but simply for me, in understanding that the things I was doing weren't the things that the real me wanted to do. She hated what I did. Never condoned it for a second. Nor should she have. And for a while, I'm pretty sure she hated me.
But once she acknowledged that she saw the addiction more like a monkey on my back (as opposed to me being the monkey), I felt better about talking to her. I began listening to her be vulnerable with her emotions (how I was really hurting her), and I became more vulnerable as well. That helped mend intimacy and honest issues and we are both in a better place today.
So if the two of you can work as partners (obviously willing ones), then you may be able to get through this faster and come out stronger on the back side. If you love him and want a healthy sexual life together - regardless of the fact that he dumped this problem in your lap - you have a vested interest in him getting better as soon as possible.
Wishing you peace as you move forward,
Welcome! Take it one day at a time, if that seems too much, break the chunks down, One hour at a time, or even one minute or one step.
It’s Saturday night, and I’m so mad I don’t know what to do. I am literally shaking. While my husband was off on a boys weekend trip, I had a friend go through and analyze his computer. I’m not so technically savvy. Some of it was so disgusting, I threw up. I don’t know if he has done any of these things. Does he really like this stuff? Gross. Why would he want to look at this let alone save it? Am I not good enough for him? Would he rather have sex with them than me? He has lied about his pornography so much so often I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I have read so many others stories in here, and I am terrified. I don’t know if I can go through this with him. I don’t know if I want to go through this with him. He really needs help, but he acts like it’s no big deal. Is this the place to talk about it? I’m interested in what other women have experienced, but I’m not in a place where I feel comfortable talking about it in a forum.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but youre in good company. I suggest therapy - it helped me get through the really dark time for me. The first 3 months I was deeply depressed and low functioning, and therapy (and occasionally this forum) were my only outlet. It took me about 6 months to stop feeling sudden rage or sadness towards him. Most of the terrible questions you're asking yourself have answers that probably aren't so bad, but your husband really needs to accept the problem and acknowledge your pain to make a change, otherwise you'll be stuck in the whirlpool indefinitely. I hope you begin to feel some relief soon.
There is a group you can join that is just for us SO's. It may be easier for you to talk there, everyone is going through some version of the same and are very supportive.
I hope that link works.
She's right. I think this may be the right place for you right now.