My Friend's Godmode

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by MercenaryKing, Jan 9, 2016.

  1. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't describe most sex as meaningless. It's not a binary thing. There is a spectrum between casual sex with multiple partners -- the mindset of "whom ought I fuck tonight?" and celibacy, right? There is such a thing a monogamy somewhere in there.

    The tone of the original post was very much about "friends with benefits" and sexuality without commitment. I'm not saying sex is meaningless. I'm saying this kind of sex is meaningless, and I don't think it's out of line to bring it up on a message board where many people are here because they are struggling to stop objectifying women. Reducing real women nothing more than instruments of sexual gratification is not better than doing it to pornstars!

    And that is not to say that that's what you are doing or what you want, but you talked an awful lot about casual sex and not at all about relationship or commitment in the original post. Sex is good. It is the natural outgrowth of the intertwining of two lives. Taken out of that context, it destroys people from the inside out -- which is exactly why we're all here.

    And yeah, Lonely Island. That's the good stuff!
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
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  2. Tototheto

    Tototheto Fapstronaut

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    So you basically assume that only men enjoy casual sex? It has nothing to do with objectification. You still live by this old taboo around sex. There is nothing wrong with it. Also in your last sentence you stated that everybody on this forum is against casual sex, did I give you the permission to speak for me? Open up your mind, this isn't the 50's anymore.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
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  3. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sure many women enjoy casual sex as much as men. And I'm sure it is equally destructive for them. Objectification can go both ways.

    And, I did not state that everyone in this forum is against casual sex. I said we are all here because our lives have been affected by taking sexuality outside of a healthy context. It's pretty obvious in this thread that many people on the forum are not against casual sex. What else would you expect from a forum for people with a subset of sexual addiction?
     
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  4. Tototheto

    Tototheto Fapstronaut

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    Casual sex is only meaningless if you want it to be that way.
     
  5. Crispy21

    Crispy21 Fapstronaut

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    Lol way to edit your post to change a "bunch of porn addicts" to something that didnt make you look like a tool. We saw it.
     
  6. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    @Tototheto wtf is up with your quoting? The post is like chopped up at random random places. Are you doing that or is it bug in the forum software?

    Anyway, my response to you would be that casual sex is destructive whether or not you lie to yourself to justify what feels good. Rationalization doesn't trump genetic programming.
     
  7. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    yeah. It didn't quite sound right after I read it again. I meant to include myself in that, but when I read it, it definitely came off as "You guys are porn addicts and I'm so much better than that."
     
  8. Tototheto

    Tototheto Fapstronaut

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    @Aaron_0 it's my blackberry, I can't scroll in text boxes.

    You also forget that we're still animals, somebody once decided that we should stay with one person our entire life. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against that. It's just not in our nature not to have casual sex. There's nothing destructive about it.
     
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  9. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Awesome, man, awesome. Thanks for writing!
    This paragraph struck me especially:


    I've never thought this before: but you may actually be right. Perhaps there is a chance that a girl I like will once like me too. I never had any confidence in that, as I legitimately thought nobody could like me in that way. But you know, that might be the reason... I need to go to bed now, but I want to keep coming back to this thread, as there is great power and knowledge in your post, that's for sure!
    And I have just had another day without porn, so I can do it!!!
     
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  10. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    @Tototheto
    We are also wired biologically for specific sets of social behavior. The social part of our genetic programming is often at odds with the immediate fulfillment of things that might rank higher on Maslow's latter. People who let their survival instincts run their lives end up dead or in prison. Certain behaviors which provide an immediate genetic advantage to the individual can damaging to the herd. I didn't invent the social connection between sex and commitment. It is as older than recorded human history.
     
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  11. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    But I do agree that men are wired by evolution to seek as many sexual partners as possible.

    I just think that is not the only thing they are wired for, and letting that instinct take over provides no benefit to the individual because of the way it conflicts with our bio-social programming.
     
  12. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    I think the term "friends with benefits" gets really misrepresented. People seem to think that it's two people who *just* have sex and that's it. That's all they have in common. Totally devoid of any intimacy or connection.
    When I was talking about friends-with-benefits relationships in this post, I absolutely must stress that it's stupid to have sex with someone you don't respect and enjoy spending time with. You're right @Aaron_0 that this is a porn addiction forum so we must be careful with objectification. But I must respectfully disagree with your views on monogamy. To give a salient example, my friend has been in a non-monogamous relationship (you could call it an open relationship or a friends-with-benefits relationship) for nearly a year now. They both have sex with whomever they please (that said, he only sleeps with girls he really likes and enjoys spending time with). They're both incredibly happy. They adore each other. There's a lot of intimacy and connection there. But that has nothing to do with who they have sex with. He has positive friendships with every girl he sleeps with, and it's usually only two at a time (the only reason there's a rotation at all is because he keeps striking up friendships with travelers that inevitably have to go back overseas!) He's happy and fulfilled. The girls are happy and fulfilled. And the scientific argument about whether humans are intrinsically monogamous or polygamous is far from over! It's incredibly difficult to decouple from social/cultural influence and there's a lot of disagreement in the scientific community. The fact is this: friendship, love, intimacy & connection are important and natural. Sex is important (at least to much of humanity) and natural. I say put them together! Let the love be shared. Contemporary exclusive relationships sort of seem like a weird distortion of the natural human condition in this frame: a contract of exclusivity often borne out of fear that "this is all I can get." That's not a good place for relationships to come from. It should be more like "I really like this person and enjoy spending time with them! I also enjoy having sex with them! Let's do those things!" Despite it's intimacy, sex is really just an enjoyable shared activity like any other, only with increased levels of oxytocin and dopamine.
     
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  13. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not even saying monogamy (well, I did use the word once). I'm saying commitment. Many polygamous cultures have thrived at various points in history and some are still alive today (though I can't think of any that I would want to live in at the moment...). I have trouble recalling any where the open acceptance of sex without commitment hasn't been associated with a period of decline.

    And that includes modern Western culture.
     
  14. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    Also @Aaron_0 you have a good point that we're fitted with contradicting hardware in some cases: we want sexual variety but also quite like monogamy etc. But I say that fulfilling our dreams of sexual variety (which most guys can't do or WON'T do because they're scared of women) DOES provide benefit to the individual. But ONLY IF a) they have a grander purpose, vision, vocation and meaning to their life beyond sex which cannot fulfill you on its own, and b) that sex isn't devoid of meaning, connection and friendship.
     
  15. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    Commitment to what though?
     
  16. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Commitment to the other person; to long-term sharing life and helping and protecting the other person.

    This is why, even in polygamous cultures, most people only have one mate -- It's too expensive to have more! (this is funny, but it is also true. I lived a couple of years in the Middle East)

    Though one Muslim guy did say, "What would I do with another wife? I have one, and she drives me crazy!"
     
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  17. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    I'd happily "commit" in that sense (with the right person of course!) I'd just *personally* do it in the context of an open relationship. Because sharing life and helping and protecting someone has nothing to do with who you have sex with.
     
  18. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    @MercenaryKing Well, hopefully the person you want to commit to feels the same way. Relatively few women are interested in long-term open relationships, but apparently they are out there, so good luck with that.
     
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  19. Aaron_0

    Aaron_0 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting side note: my brother, who is more or less a secular humanist, was in a couple of open relationships in the past and he didn't like it at all. He felt like it didn't provide the kind of intimacy he was looking for. Apparently, he's wired for exclusivity.
     
  20. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    Great post, I hope you fully reboot just like ur friend
     
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