My gf’s really depressed. I don’t know what to do.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by greenman82, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. greenman82

    greenman82 New Fapstronaut

    My girlfriend’s old nanny (when she was still a toddler) has stage 4 lung cancer and a brain tumor. She got the news a couple of months ago and right now, she won’t last much longer. My gf is really depressed and keeps crying everyday day and night. I’m trying my best to comfort her but seems like there is little I can do long distance.

    I’m checking out some plane tickets right now and head on over to her hometown to be with her personally. I was thinking if I should just surprise her or let her know. I already know where her address is since I met her during an international dating social event the first time. She’s really close with her nanny since she was the one who raised my gf since birth. Her parents never really took care of her as a child and her nanny was only the one there for her.

    She’s been visiting her nanny everyday now, but when she heads home and contacts me, she breaks down and cries herself to sleep every night. I don’t know what to do. It pains me to see her like this and it seems like every advice I give would just tear her apart. Please help me guys. Should I surprise her? What kind of advice can I give her to comfort her pain?
  2. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    You really can't give her any advice, but you can just listen and let her know you are there for her. Let her talk, cry whatever she needs. As for surprising her, that depends. You know her. Some people would welcome the surprise others want to be alone. I'm one how would welcome it. Personally I'd ask her if she wants you there for support.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. You're being a supportive boyfriend, which is a lot more than you think. I'm with @Numb, and would ask her whether she would like you there to support her in person. I personally wouldn't want anyone else, but that's just me, and if I've had partners in the past who were of both mindsets. Ask - even if she says no, I'm pretty certain she'd appreciate the sentiment.
  4. It’s great you want to support her but I don’t think this is the best time to surprise her. Tell her you’re going to see her fiirst.

    There is little you can do to stop the pain and grief she is feeling. What you can do is support her—hold her when she needs it, take care of little things for her, like preparing/obtaining meals, driving her/securing transportation, helping coordinate any details etc.
    scote73, Numb and Deleted Account like this.
  5. greenman82

    greenman82 New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for all the suggestions and sympathy. I just really need outsider's perspective since I really don't know how to help her out.
  6. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    Your presence is the most important thing here. Being there as a shoulder to cry on, and a witness to her pain, is the most important thing you can do to help her. You need to provide the space for all of her emotions to come out whenever they need to.

    This is also very important - taking care of the little things that she may not be able to do right now. The little things go a long way.
    Baldur likes this.

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