My GF broke up with me, and I feel betrayed, although I am not better

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Jonny1992, Aug 19, 2020.

  1. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    She did not sleep with him. But was not telling me, that she had a regular contact with a guy who was interested in her. It is the same for me as cheating. Like for you watching porn is cheating. For me watching porn is cheating. And if a woman doesn´t want as much sex as the guy, porn is not an excuse.

    She and me did both wrong. I was honest to her when a woman fell in love with me, altough i was only nice. I told her that, and then told the woman that I have a gf. She did not tell me that.
     
  2. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Well I also don´t agree with those woman who are in a relationship and say that they don´t have a problem with their partner, if he watched porn. Exept when both do. I am confused when a woman tells me that.
     
  3. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, that helped me.
     
  4. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Why don´t you ask me how it went, I can try to write it in an
    more understanding way.
     
  5. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    that was an more balanced comment.
     
  6. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Wish you to find someone like this. But at the same time educate yourself on women/men relationship and maybe you will change your point of view. I am not saying that men are higher/better, we are just different.

    Good luck @Jonny1992 !
     
    Jonny1992 likes this.
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Was she dating him? I have had a lot of guys that I’m just friends with, even the guys who might/were interested in me. I can’t control their feelings. Once I got married, I did however stop with the friendships of men who were obviously interested in me and if it bothered my husband. Basically could they have just been friends but once she broke up it became more? Either way, she should’ve been honest with you about what she was doing and feeling. Just as you should’ve been honest with her.
     
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  8. used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    It's ok that you are hurting. And being aware that you are hurting, and voicing it, is a good thing because you can find a way to develop healthy outlets for pain - ones that connect you to other people, to develop intimacy. Pmo may lie to you and soothe in the moment, but it is not lasting and it doesn't connect you to anyone. My husband has now learned this the stupid way and he is hating himself because one, it did nothing to fill his heart or calm him really - if anything it just made him angry and ashamed. And two, now he has had to watch me go from a very strong, capable woman and mother, to a shell of a person - I am struggling to parent our children, to do the things I loved, to basically make it through the day without falling into trauma mode. In the past when people hurt me he could just swoop in and soothe me, building me up when I was crumbling. Now, he is watching me hurt like I never have before and he knows that he did it. And the irony that he just wanted to connect to me was at the base of it all. Stupid freaking porn burned us down. I still don't know if we will recover or not, jury is out. So fight this so that you can go into your next relationship knowing that connection is what you want. Fight your hardest to get rid of porn so you can have the connection that you want.

    And I agree - a beautiful love is one where each partner cherishes the other so highly and so fully that a connection so mutually deep is forged. That kind of connection has power to banish all these terrible feelings. I am so angry at all that porn is - all it does is hurt so many people, yourself included.
     
  9. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you buddy.
     
  10. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Well, she knew he had feelings for her, and she regulary had contact with him and did not even told me. For me that is cheating. It was not just an normal friendship. If it would have been, she would have told me and did not kept it a secret. It is like playing with the fire.
     
  11. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Can a therapist help you, and your husband? To develop a deeper connection and to be able to build up trust?

    THank you for you lovely words and your understanding. The last sentence was like healing a wound in my heart. It was really great. Thanks
     
  12. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    So she was friends with a guy that likes her. Is she not allowed to have male friends?
     
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  13. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Sure it is allowed to have friends. Is it ok for you if you husband or so is regulary with a woman who has feelings for him?
     
  14. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    My husband is a sex addict in recovery, he would not put himself in that position due to his addiction. Different scenario altogether.

    You are not married, you two had been dating for a few months and hadn't even slept together. At what point did you decide that in a very young dating relationship you get to tell her who she can and can't be friends with? You said yourself that nothing was going on between them, he simply liked her. You were jealous but you have nothing to indicate it was anything more than a friendship.

    On the flip side, for the entire duration of your relationship you regularly feasted your eyes on other women. Real or imagined. You regularly spent your sexual energy through masturbation/self sex on other women. Your mind and body were never faithful to her. Yet you have the gall to say she was cheating.
     
    Jonny1992 and Psalm27:1my light like this.
  15. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    ok, so if you are not married but in a relationship it is ok? Sure then keep going. I never did this with real woman. I did not wanted to. And I do change. So I would not have been here and try to fix myself. And I did not wanted to have sex on purpose! And why is your husband a different case, only because he is an addict and I am not an addict? gg

    If you are divorced, and start a new relationship and it is ok for you, that your bf starts going out regulary with another woman, who has feelings for him, and he is not telling it you, well then it is up to you if you are fine with that. But I am not, I struggeld with porn and camgirls. I am happy to say that I am free from camgirls and sexting, the last thing is porn, and I will get to it! But I always made to other woman clear that I am in love with antoher girl and kept my distance.

    I tried my best, but I failed, next time I succeed.
     

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