My girl can only O when she M

[ibedobedo]

Weve been seeing each other for about a month now, shes an old school friend + ex. We hadnt spoken for 5 years but now we hit it off again and things are going very well. She says she has never been able to O except for when shes on her own (I believe her). I also knows she does PMO quite a lot, but I dont know exactly how long. When I ask when the last time she did it was, its always under 24hrs. She also says shes never been able to O with any form of penetrative M, just by stimulating her clit. I have made an effort the last few times with oral, a few techniques and really trying to find out what she likes. I think we're making progress but hard to tell. I honestly want to make her O more than I want to myself.
I used to have problems with O'ing with someone, but now Ive stopped P completely and massively reduced MO, Its no longer a problem. So with this is mind (must be different for guys and girls I know, but also quite similar too?) and with the fact that she PMO regularly, should I advise her to try and cut down on PMO at the very least? Is this going to help her like it helped me? I love that she watches P on the other hand. Shes very adventurous and up for trying stuff, and no doubt thats because of the P. I dont want to say the wrong thing or make her feel self conscious by criticizing her.
Any other advice is good too. Thanks

 

[Deleted Account]

I believe leaving PM away will help your girlfriend tremendously. Like men also women can experience a loss of sensitivity when masturbating too often and/or combining it with porn. Simply said, it has the same effect on both men and women. As you, I also had issues in the past with my sensitivity. I couldn't reach climaxe anymore even though I loved the girl I was with. When being alone I could reach it quite easy, even a few times in a row.

I love that she watches P on the other hand. Shes very adventurous and up for trying stuff, and no doubt thats because of the P.

I highly doubt she will lose interest in being adventurous by just quitting porn. I think being adventurous is more a thing of character and she will stay the same way even after quitting. There are many great sources where you can get knowledge or inspiration for sexual activities from. Porn is mainly artificial and is not displaying what sex should be in reality. It influences us all in a negative way by changing our views about it.

She also says shes never been able to O with any form of penetrative M, just by stimulating her clit.

While it is indeed harder for some women to gain an orgasm through penetration only than for others, there are many sex positions that do allow penetration and the natural stimulation of the clitoris at the same time.

Look up concepts like "Tantra", "Yoni Massages" and "Slow Sex". These are great concepts that I think can be very healing when having issues with your own sexuality. It helped me for example getting rid of my ED and change my unhealthy ideas about sex that I got through my porn consume.

Remember that the most important when having sex is to have fun together and not stressing about orgasms. You can have great sex with out them as well. There are so many aspects when having sex that can be fullfilling and make fun.

 

[Sad_wife]

Weve been seeing each other for about a month now, shes an old school friend + ex. We hadnt spoken for 5 years but now we hit it off again and things are going very well. She says she has never been able to O except for when shes on her own (I believe her). I also knows she does PMO quite a lot, but I dont know exactly how long. When I ask when the last time she did it was, its always under 24hrs. She also says shes never been able to O with any form of penetrative M, just by stimulating her clit. I have made an effort the last few times with oral, a few techniques and really trying to find out what she likes. I think we're making progress but hard to tell. I honestly want to make her O more than I want to myself.
I used to have problems with O'ing with someone, but now Ive stopped P completely and massively reduced MO, Its no longer a problem. So with this is mind (must be different for guys and girls I know, but also quite similar too?) and with the fact that she PMO regularly, should I advise her to try and cut down on PMO at the very least? Is this going to help her like it helped me? I love that she watches P on the other hand. Shes very adventurous and up for trying stuff, and no doubt thats because of the P. I dont want to say the wrong thing or make her feel self conscious by criticizing her.
Any other advice is good too. Thanks

I had a chronic M problem and vaginal sex never felt good. Honestly took 45 minutes or longer with a partner to O with clit stim. Never got wet with a partner.

after quitting I found my husband and it was magical. Sex felt so good. I’m wet. Etc. it’s definitely her M causing the problem.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I had a chronic M problem and vaginal sex never felt good. Honestly took 45 minutes or longer with a partner to O with clit stim. Never got wet with a partner.

after quitting I found my husband and it was magical. Sex felt so good. I’m wet. Etc. it’s definitely her M causing the problem.

At his ( her) age I tend to agree with you. But. Menopause has changed everything for me. I don’t get wet anymore. I don’t want sex. It’s much harder to orgasm. And intercourse now hurts terribly. The lining of a woman’s vagina thins with menopause so sex is painful. I told the doctor it’s like paper cuts, but inside. Doctors are not much help. Very little is know about helping women once they go into menopause. So, she might need to be checked out by her doctor as well.

 

[MikeSilva]

Weve been seeing each other for about a month now, shes an old school friend + ex. We hadnt spoken for 5 years but now we hit it off again and things are going very well. She says she has never been able to O except for when shes on her own (I believe her). I also knows she does PMO quite a lot, but I dont know exactly how long. When I ask when the last time she did it was, its always under 24hrs. She also says shes never been able to O with any form of penetrative M, just by stimulating her clit. I have made an effort the last few times with oral, a few techniques and really trying to find out what she likes. I think we're making progress but hard to tell. I honestly want to make her O more than I want to myself.
I used to have problems with O'ing with someone, but now Ive stopped P completely and massively reduced MO, Its no longer a problem. So with this is mind (must be different for guys and girls I know, but also quite similar too?) and with the fact that she PMO regularly, should I advise her to try and cut down on PMO at the very least? Is this going to help her like it helped me? I love that she watches P on the other hand. Shes very adventurous and up for trying stuff, and no doubt thats because of the P. I dont want to say the wrong thing or make her feel self conscious by criticizing her.
Any other advice is good too. Thanks

Oral works best

Read the book = She comes first

 

[Be Inspired]

To the OP. My current GF is severely addicted to O and she will only finish with the particular toy that she's used to. She also watches P on her own regularly.

Unfortunately, not much that can be done.

In my opinion, they won't stop their MO or PMO habit until it becomes a real problem for them. You may either accept them for who they are or find someone else. It's almost impossible to change them.

 

[Sad_wife]

To the OP. My current GF is severely addicted to O and she will only finish with the particular toy that she's used to. She also watches P on her own regularly.

Unfortunately, not much that can be done.

In my opinion, they won't stop their MO or PMO habit until it becomes a real problem for them. You may either accept them for who they are or find someone else. It's almost impossible to change them.

Toys are really bad. My ex introduced me to toys. If she stops she will get better.

 

[Sad_wife]

At his ( her) age I tend to agree with you. But. Menopause has changed everything for me. I don’t get wet anymore. I don’t want sex. It’s much harder to orgasm. And intercourse now hurts terribly. The lining of a woman’s vagina thins with menopause so sex is painful. I told the doctor it’s like paper cuts, but inside. Doctors are not much help. Very little is know about helping women once they go into menopause. So, she might need to be checked out by her doctor as well.

I am 46. I would be upset if I just lost my desire.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I am 46. I would be upset if I just lost my desire.

Yeah, I just started a year and a half ( in 56.5) ago. I’m lucky, my symptoms aren’t as bad as many, but because my symptoms aren’t bad I didnt seek help right away. Doctors blow you off. It’s frustrating as hell. Start following Dr. Mary Claire Haver. If you know what to look for in periomenopause you can really help yourself.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I am 46. I would be upset if I just lost my desire.

Not everyone loses their libido. Although I’ve heard it’s incredibly common. Supposedly once you are @ done” libido can come back?

 

[Sad_wife]

Not everyone loses their libido. Although I’ve heard it’s incredibly common. Supposedly once you are @ done” libido can come back?

I think I am pretty preventative with health, exercise, diet and supplements. Looking some stuff up now. I never in my life had functional parts until I met him. Dryness was not a problem until I M again. Now that I quit not a problem at all. The thing is when I was a teen/through my 30s it was always a problem. I was just dry. It was all 100% due to M. I really hate myself because of how I harmed my own body. If I knew, I just wouldn’t have. But at the same time it’s a blessing in disguise. I mean the only one person I’ve experienced real sex with feeling is my husband. And I have experience to guide my children with.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I think I am pretty preventative with health, exercise, diet and supplements. Looking some stuff up now. I never in my life had functional parts until I met him. Dryness was not a problem until I M again. Now that I quit not a problem at all. The thing is when I was a teen/through my 30s it was always a problem. I was just dry. It was all 100% due to M. I really hate myself because of how I harmed my own body. If I knew, I just wouldn’t have. But at the same time it’s a blessing in disguise. I mean the only one person I’ve experienced real sex with feeling is my husband. And I have experience to guide my children with.

Just fyi-menopause is a totally different beast. It’s crazy. The good thing, if you are already fairly healthy ( I have always been very health conscious) I think you don’t suffer from the myriad of symptoms that some people do. Also, if you have had children you enter menopause later in life. My biggest symptoms - insomnia, but I have had that my whole life, it just got much worse. Joint pain, mine isn’t bad because I take tumeric and omega 3 daily. Period just stopped. ( that’s how I knew) Biggest thing, I was gaining weight, albeit slowly and nothing I did worked. Doctor kept saying workout more, eat less. Lol. I workout 6 days a week. Weight train 4 days, long distance road bike 2-4 days. Started hrt low dose, lost the 30 pounds I had put on in the last 3 years. No other changes. So it affect everyone differently. Both of my sisters had horrible hot flashes,bowel issues, and put on a lot of weight. But they don’t workout the way I do, and they don’t train dogs and horses like I do, they had desk jobs.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I think I am pretty preventative with health, exercise, diet and supplements. Looking some stuff up now. I never in my life had functional parts until I met him. Dryness was not a problem until I M again. Now that I quit not a problem at all. The thing is when I was a teen/through my 30s it was always a problem. I was just dry. It was all 100% due to M. I really hate myself because of how I harmed my own body. If I knew, I just wouldn’t have. But at the same time it’s a blessing in disguise. I mean the only one person I’ve experienced real sex with feeling is my husband. And I have experience to guide my children with.

Oh, and of course painful sex and no libido.

 

[Sad_wife]

Just fyi-menopause is a totally different beast. It’s crazy. The good thing, if you are already fairly healthy ( I have always been very health conscious) I think you don’t suffer from the myriad of symptoms that some people do. Also, if you have had children you enter menopause later in life. My biggest symptoms - insomnia, but I have had that my whole life, it just got much worse. Joint pain, mine isn’t bad because I take tumeric and omega 3 daily. Period just stopped. ( that’s how I knew) Biggest thing, I was gaining weight, albeit slowly and nothing I did worked. Doctor kept saying workout more, eat less. Lol. I workout 6 days a week. Weight train 4 days, long distance road bike 2-4 days. Started hrt low dose, lost the 30 pounds I had put on in the last 3 years. No other changes. So it affect everyone differently. Both of my sisters had horrible hot flashes,bowel issues, and put on a lot of weight. But they don’t workout the way I do, and they don’t train dogs and horses like I do, they had desk jobs.

Oh, and of course painful sex and no libido.

oh boy. I work out strength training 3-4 days. Long hikes/walks once a week. Eat Whole Foods mostly plants. We are just now trying to cut all added sugars. Caffeine will be next, but I do think green tea is healthy. So… idk we shall see. I take turmeric, omegas, hyaluronic acid, soy iso (trying to bring estrogen up), ceramides, mushrooms (lions mane etc.) fenugreek. I’m thinking of adding inositol back as it cuts addiction cravings, sugar cravings balances Bain and hormones. Probably 3-6 months. Ashwaganda.

I’m not looking forward to libido drop. Doing everything I can to prevent that. I have not told anyone but we want to do IVF and have one child. All our kids are from my X. This has been planned since before his problems came out. Fx all goes well.