My girlfriend hates my mum

Stanza

Stanza

Fapstronaut
I am a 20 year old boy. I am studying languages in portugal and my 19 year old girl lives in Milan. We live a long distance relationship. Together we have done many beautiful things. We have been together for 5 months. But now we are having a bad time or that she hates my mom. Because? Because my mom doesn't want me to sleep at her.

She tells me that I must also be with my parents after months that I don't see them (I haven't seen my parents for 2 months). But I love my girlfriend and I would like to be with her. But I am realizing that I have a house and a family and therefore I should stay at my house. My girlfriend is pissed about this. She hates my parents, she would like me to always sleep with her. I am confused, I have on one side my girlfriend who wants me to always stay with her, on the other my parents, who gave me the money to study, who want me to stay with them at night . I don't know what to do.
 
Your post is not Problematic Sexual Behaviour. o_O This should be in the section: Dating During A Reboot.
 
Try to talk with her and your parents.Talk about that she hates your parents,hate just can't help situation.
You are torn to two sides that is bad situation.Try to find some mid,sometime be with your parents and sometime with your girlfriend.You say you didn't sleep at your house for 2 months?Might your mom because of that said to you don't sleep with her with good the intention.
Parents are only one,girlfriend is something that can be changed much times.If you think this one is special and ideal for you and you love her and her loves you then try to find some mid and balance this problem.
I will never chose between my parents and girlfriend,for me parents is only one.I understand weight of situation that is your life and choice is yours.
 
Kligor said:
Try to talk with her and your parents.Talk about that she hates your parents,hate just can't help situation.
You are torn to two sides that is bad situation.Try to find some mid,sometime be with your parents and sometime with your girlfriend.You say you didn't sleep at your house for 2 months?Might your mom because of that said to you don't sleep with her with good the intention.
Parents are only one,girlfriend is something that can be changed much times.If you think this one is special and ideal for you and you love her and her loves you then try to find some mid and balance this problem.
I will never chose between my parents and girlfriend,for me parents is only one.I understand weight of situation that is your life and choice is yours.
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Thanks so much. You are saying that parents are always important isn't it? I considered my girlfriend impirtant. But i need to stay also with my parents. My girlfriend said that i am too attached to my mum.... i can't understand.... for me love isn't a reason to have eyes only for my girlfriend
 
I think it boils down to what you want from your life. Do you think the boundaries your mom has set for you are reasonable? If yes, your gf has to either accept that or find a new boyfriend. If no, you should do what you think is right and make it clear to your parents that as a young adult you are your own person and can make the decisions in your life by yourself.

However you'll need to also realize that once you have made your decision, you'll have to take responsibility for it and live with the consequenses. If you choose to obey your parents, you can no longer hide behind them and you'll have to tell your girlfriend that this is something you have chosen for yourself and if she has a problem with that, her problem is with you, not your parents. Alternatively, if you choose to disobey, your parents might be mad at you and maybe even kick you out or stop paying for your studies and you'll have to live with that. You are an adult. Sometimes your parents might forget it, but you have no obligation to do what they tell you to do. You have the freedom and responsibility to make your own choices and bear their weight. Allowing your parents or your girlfriend to control your life might be fun and easy for a while but will end up with you unhappy.

Also you might want to try to compromise if you feel like you'd like to have the best of both worlds. But even then the final desicion must come from you and first and foremost serve your needs.
 
ShadyPerson said:
I think it boils down to what you want from your life. Do you think the boundaries your mom has set for you are reasonable? If yes, your gf has to either accept that or find a new boyfriend. If no, you should do what you think is right and make it clear to your parents that as a young adult you are your own person and can make the decisions in your life by yourself.

However you'll need to also realize that once you have made your decision, you'll have to take responsibility for it and live with the consequenses. If you choose to obey your parents, you can no longer hide behind them and you'll have to tell your girlfriend that this is something you have chosen for yourself and if she has a problem with that, her problem is with you, not your parents. Alternatively, if you choose to disobey, your parents might be mad at you and maybe even kick you out or stop paying for your studies and you'll have to live with that. You are an adult. Sometimes your parents might forget it, but you have no obligation to do what they tell you to do. You have the freedom and responsibility to make your own choices and bear their weight. Allowing your parents or your girlfriend to control your life might be fun and easy for a while but will end up with you unhappy.

Also you might want to try to compromise if you feel like you'd like to have the best of both worlds. But even then the final desicion must come from you and first and foremost serve your needs.
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Thank you so much
 
Hey buddy your mom raised you, your girlfriend has only loved you. To me it’s blood over water as selfish it is to say.
 
Stanza said:
I am a 20 year old boy. I am studying languages in portugal and my 19 year old girl lives in Milan. We live a long distance relationship. Together we have done many beautiful things. We have been together for 5 months. But now we are having a bad time or that she hates my mom. Because? Because my mom doesn't want me to sleep at her.

She tells me that I must also be with my parents after months that I don't see them (I haven't seen my parents for 2 months). But I love my girlfriend and I would like to be with her. But I am realizing that I have a house and a family and therefore I should stay at my house. My girlfriend is pissed about this. She hates my parents, she would like me to always sleep with her. I am confused, I have on one side my girlfriend who wants me to always stay with her, on the other my parents, who gave me the money to study, who want me to stay with them at night . I don't know what to do.
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Hold a meeting of both sides and finalize the rules of the battle on a paper. Example Monday-Friday you stay with GF and weekends you both stay with parents. (Remember both is the keyword here.)
 
ahighertruth said:
To me it’s blood over water as selfish it is to say.
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Fun fact! That phrase "blood is thicker than water" actually means "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

So it actually means exactly the opposite of what we usually use it to say. It means that the people we choose in life (or those we share blood with in battle) are more valuable than the ones who were given to us through genes at birth.

Not saying I necessarily agree with the statement, but it's interesting nonetheless.
 
GaroldG said:
I agree, relationships are important, but mum always knows the best about everything
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That's definitely not true... some people have moms who abuse them, or do drugs, or bring dangerous men into their home. Or just moms who are plain old stupid.
 
Stanza said:
I am a 20 year old boy. I am studying languages in portugal and my 19 year old girl lives in Milan. We live a long distance relationship. Together we have done many beautiful things. We have been together for 5 months. But now we are having a bad time or that she hates my mom. Because? Because my mom doesn't want me to sleep at her.

She tells me that I must also be with my parents after months that I don't see them (I haven't seen my parents for 2 months). But I love my girlfriend and I would like to be with her. But I am realizing that I have a house and a family and therefore I should stay at my house. My girlfriend is pissed about this. She hates my parents, she would like me to always sleep with her. I am confused, I have on one side my girlfriend who wants me to always stay with her, on the other my parents, who gave me the money to study, who want me to stay with them at night . I don't know what to do.
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It's really you're decision my friend. Have you tried talking to your parents about her and how you feel? I feel as if there's not a good relationship brewing between the three. If you really love her you should talk to her about your parents to. If there's family intrusions that get in the way of a relationship. It may be difficult to keep it going on.

I have had a long distance relationship with a woman from thailand in my past and I knew her parents didn't like me to much even when I saw them on face time, online video call. Some how we kept the relationship going for two years and my parents accepted her because I really loved her and it was a serious relationship. I am trying to say its not healthy for you and you're girlfriend to have this feud with your parents. If your parents love you they will learn to accept her over time and what she wants with you. She should learn to accept them and their feelings as well. If it continues with this hate maybe talk with your girlfriend about the relationship..

Good luck my friend.
 
ahighertruth said:
your girlfriend has only loved you
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Only. Interesting way to see love since you're mother has raised you because, in her way, she loves you.

Moms raised us knowing that one day we will them for other people, it's called life. I was raised like this, mom tells me if she doesn't like someone, and warn me too. But I think it is just selfish not to allow you to sleep with her with no reason.
As @MuscularSherlockHolmes said the only way is a negotiaton, to show your mother that you will always love her, no matter what, but you're growing and you need to make your own experiences but you will always come home when you'll have time, on the other hand you'll show your gf that you're a grown up man but that still family boundaries are important, of course you will sleep with her, but that does not mean you will forget your family.
And after that it will be easy because there's 2 options:
1) They accept and you enjoy life
2)One side refuse, at the point you have to choose the other side, people that don't allow you to have your freedom are just toxic(If you'll always live with parents you'll never be a man, if your gf can't accept that you love your family too she's just selfish)
 
Castielle said:
Fun fact! That phrase "blood is thicker than water" actually means "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

So it actually means exactly the opposite of what we usually use it to say. It means that the people we choose in life (or those we share blood with in battle) are more valuable than the ones who were given to us through genes at birth.

Not saying I necessarily agree with the statement, but it's interesting nonetheless.
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Considering the scum that is my father's family, I agree with it.
 
Infrasapiens said:
Considering the scum that is my father's family, I agree with it.
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For the most part I agree with it as well. Being born into the same family doesn't mean you automatically have to be bonded for life or something. Certainly not if they're abusive.
 
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