My girlfriend needs space

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Motiv3, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    My girlfriend told me she needs space.

    After 3 days of no talking ay all I talked to her today and we we are talking all good

    I answer her like 15min later sometimes 1 hours because I'm busy of course I got a life

    And I know I fucked it up because I should have waited for her to initiate

    So my question is shold I leave her on seen? Keep talking? End the conversation?
     
  2. htxgirl

    htxgirl Fapstronaut

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    Instead of who should do what, ask her outright. I know that's what I would want. Ask if it's okay to keep the conversation going and if she says no, respect that but let her know you're not giving up on your relationship and you'll be checking on her in a couple days.
     
  3. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    Oh sure I asked her If she wanted to keep talking and said yes. She's cold and distant tho.
    I don't want to ask her meet up but I know she wants to go to watch toy story 4 and I dont know If to tell her to go or wait for her to tell me
     
  4. RequestDenied

    RequestDenied Fapstronaut

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    Yo.

    From my own experience:

    "I needs space" is girl speak for "you're being too clingy."

    Here's how you solve that problem in 3 easy steps:

    1. Text - Wait at least as long as she does to text you back.

    2. Text Volume - Never invest more in a text message than she does. Look at your text history right now. I bet your texts are longer than hers, aren't they? It's all good - we've all been there. Here's a good rule of thumb to live by: only invest 2/3 in what she gives you. She texts you 3 lines worth of communication. You respond with 2. She talks for 3 minutes. You respond with 2. She kisses you 3 times. You respond with 2. And so on and so forth.

    3. BF/GF Time - Do you see her more than once a week? I bet you try to spend a lot of time together. From now on, put her on a diet of your time. She only gets to see you once a week because you have a life. If you don't have a life yet, then you need to work on that first (fundamentals and whatnot). The time you spend together on that once a week date can be as long as you wish (one hour, one day, even 48 hours straight), but it has to be one contiguous period of time - otherwise familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

    Wash, rinse, repeat and report back letting us know how it goes.

    Thanks for sharing and go get 'em tiger ;-)
     
  5. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    I do all of that
    But lately I been investing too much on her like was just me texting to hook up when she used to tell me to hook up.

    Time to retreat
     
  6. RequestDenied

    RequestDenied Fapstronaut

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    :)

    Exactly.

    Fundamentals, bro.

    GL!
     
    Motiv3 likes this.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    No matter what you decide to do, right now you're coming from a place of "how can I keep her interested?" rather than just being the person you want to be, living the life that you want to live, and allowing her the choice of whether or not she wants to be a part of that.

    Should I ignore her or talk to her?
    Should I hang out with her or do something else?
    Should I respond with more text or less text?
    Should I show less interest or show more interest?

    That kind of mindset is playing games. Which is trying to convince someone to be interested in you. It's immature and coming from a place of fear. If you choose that path, you will have to continue convincing her to be interested for the rest of your relationship together and you will always be paranoid / walking on egg shells / playing it safe / manipulating / trying not to make mistakes / and ultimately not expressing yourself honestly out of fear of being rejected.

    Do what you want. Text and give her as much attention as you want. Show her as much interest as you want. If she doesn't like someone that behaves the way that you want to behave, then find someone else that appreciates it rather than trying to convince someone that doesn't like you for who you are to like you for someone that you're not. It's a lack of self respect and a sign of throwing away your own values for the sake of being liked by someone that doesn't appreciate you.

    She wants space? Then give your attention to someone that wants to get close with you.
     
    GottaBFree, 1978 and ameliorate1 like this.
  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Whatever you do, stay true to yourself. At the end of my last relationship she became cold and distant and more focused on her own life, in fear I became a pathetic thing who only begged for more time with her. This was the last straw, as I was no longer even tolerable, she left even sooner and more sudently than I ever thought it would happen. Remember that you are a person too and you need your dignity.
     
    Deleted Account and 1978 like this.
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I'm certainly no relationship expert, far from it, but what @elevate and @Infrasapiens say makes a lot of sense. If you keep thinking about what the right thing to do is, you will get yourself very stressed by doing that. It's much better to approach life in a more relaxed way, where you can feel free to just be yourself.

    There is a lot of dating and relationship advice out there, and I've become quite skeptical of a lot of it. Why? Because if you are trying too hard then it means you're putting on an act rather than being yourself. Soon into the relationship the facade will fall away, you will tire of thinking too much and using too many tricks and techniques, you will drop the act and end up being yourself. For a successful long term relationship, you have to both be comfortable with how the other person naturally is.

    It's quite possible you are being too clingy. But maybe being clingy is just your style? So maybe you need to find someone who wants you to cling to them?

    I know my situation is not the same as yours, but last time I heard the phrase "I need space", it was when I'd had a first date with a woman which hadn't quite gone as well as we'd both hoped it would and she decided she wanted to date someone else instead. Not the same situation as yours, I know, but women tend not to say things bluntly, they tend to hint at how they are really feeling. "I need space" probably means "I'm not really into you anymore". So go and find someone who is. It's easy for me to say as an outsider, I know, but it's probably the best thing to do.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    A lot of guys are afraid to scare women away by being honest, silly, weird, and intense. Basically who you are when you are at your most free from emotional guards, convincing, performing, and compensating.

    But you should scare a lot of people away. Scare the ones that aren't right for you away. As fast and as hard as possible. Get rejected from the beginning. So you can move on to people who want to be with you.

    So many people are overly concerned about being liked by everyone (in a generic castrated lame censored way) rather than being polarizing (hated more, but also loved more by others for who you really are).

    It's because they have an underlying belief that they're not good enough and nobody else will think so either.

    Stand out more. Be more polarizing. Have a more targeted niche audience. Show more of yourself and more intensely. Scare people away. Attract the crazy ones that actually want to be with you.

    You can never find your better place, with better people, and as a better version of yourself if you're too busy acting like someone else for the sake of being liked for someone that you're not.

    Want to see if your girlfriend likes you? Be yourself. And more importantly... do you even like her for who she really is?
     
    1978 likes this.
  11. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    She left me on seen so I'm not talking her anymore. Ima wait for her to talk to me.

    I gotta keep moving
     
    1978 likes this.
  12. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Keep on moving, keep on improving.
    Be like a train that's continuously moving towards the best version of your true self.
    Other people, they can either jump on board for the ride or get left behind.
    Be like: "Okay, I'm going in this direction. Are you on board or not? Because this train is leaving the station...toot toot!..."
     

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