My goals, my story and my vision

G'day Fapstronauts,

I am pleased to join you all here. I believe peer support is of tremendous value to folks who are going through rough times; it's what helps us get through to the other side.

Goals
My goal is to use this platform with the support of fellow Fapstronauts to abstain for 90 days. That means staying away from porn, masturbation or orgasm for 90 straight days. I'd also love to be kept accountable by peers and I will do the same for you.

I'd even be open to meeting in person to strengthen each others resolve and keep the accountability going. I am based in London, so if you're from around here then please do not hesitate to message me.

To facilitate my efforts to be the best man I can be I am also following these rules daily:

When I feel triggered, I will follow it with the desired behaviour (trigger/behaviour re-patterning)

I will maintain my daily Yoga practice

I will record my thoughts, feelings and observation in a journal

I will use mood tracker software to proactively manage my hormones (moods)

I will get out of the house every day for mindful walking

​

My Story
I was 19 when I went through some of the most difficult times in my life. I became very depressed and even considered suicide on numerous attempts. From being a top student at University (professors predicted by me to get a 1st class honours) I flunked it and wasn't even awarded a 2nd class. Life was pretty shitty, I felt like a failure and I felt like there was no point to anything. I turned to porn and masturbation for stimulating my numb mind and body. It became the default way for me to handle what I was going through and soon I'd do it anytime I felt stressed out. Fast forward to when I was 24 and I began to shed off the heavy depression that had come over me, mostly thanks to Elizabeth Wurtzel's memoir about her on depression (Prozac Nation). I realised that my depression was not the core of me and that it was possible that it was just a phase. I started reading more and studying philosophy, including Ayn Rands 'Objectivism'. I even enrolled myself into see a existential psychotherapist (who was of no help!).

This streak of learning got me studying how I could embody new ways of being. Within the next two years I was transformed. From being a painfully quiet, shy and introverted person I found myself more engaged with life, believing in myself. I jumped from being a software developer for a startup (when coding wasn't cool back in 2002) to being a successful sales exec at a multinational mobile services firm.

In some ways, this external form of success took me away from addressing the way in which I was handling stress. I still often turned to porn and masturbation when I felt stressed or helpless about something. It had become a habit - my mind associated PMO as a way of handling stress - of course it is, but it provides short term relief as the causes of stress are not being addressed.

While I tried to stop this addiction over the last 15 years, it has not been successful. Although I rely on it less and actually do it less - I sometimes still relapse. I've recently observed how I also get triggered when I am excited about some project and keen to get started. Interesting isn't it? I think it is called eustress, a good form of stress but to my brain PMO is still the best way to address it!

So in addition to abstaining, I need to find better strategies for handling stress, boredom, dullness, restlessness and excitement.

​

Fast forward to the present day - I've been working in management consultancy for the last 7 years or so and it's been very challenging. I think the accumulation of stress from my career and from masturbating too much has affected not only my neurology but my biology too. About 4 years ago I became intolerant to a few food groups and about two years ago I started to feel less energetic as I usually did. I was often tired and found it difficult to get out of bed on most days. Anyway, things got worse a few months ago when I could not sit up in the office without feeling back pain and I walking a few hundred meters was a struggle. Only in 2012 I completed the Tough Mudder challenge, in 2011 I cycled the Gran Fondo New York and in 2010 I cycled from London to Amsterdam. I was always fairly active and fit before the the fatigue kicked in.

Now I have a case of adrenal fatigue, which I am trying to make better and so I quit my job in March - still don't feel well enough for a full time job. However my aim is to eventually work for myself as a coach and consultant. I am in the process of getting the right accreditations and setting up my business - all of this has had to take a back seat whilst I address my health head-on - this means also addressing PMO head-on.

I believe that by disassociating PMO with how I handle stress (the good and the bad) I will be able to achieve my life's goals. PMO has been a an obstacle to my success and I am so ready to deal with this properly now - my life is worth it.

The Wholesome Vision for My Life

Wellness
I am supported by my vitality, physical and mental health and I feel great. My fine-tuned cognitive functions support me in my professional and in my personal goals and challenges.


Money
My desired lifestyle is maintained easily; my needs and wants are satisfied. I've earned enough money to invest in my business and now it is self-sufficient and profitable.


Spiritual & Personal Development
I am always experiencing and expressing my authentic, uninhibited and peaceful self. I shine like the light of the sun, as do my thoughts, behaviours’ and inner conditions.


Romance
I enjoy nourishing my partner and enjoy being nourished by her; we both savour deep intimacy by caring for each other and validating each other; we create fun and romance often.


Fun & Friends
I live an enriched life as I regularly spend my time and energy on the experiences and with people which nourish my body, mind and soul and make me feel happy and alive.


Work
Through my business and professional services I help organisations, their stakeholders and individuals create and implement solutions at a systemic level for some of the most important issues of our age. I am also a masterful coach who is loved by his clients.​

 

Hey thanks for the welcome Septimus.

Yes, having greater awareness is important!