Like many, I went down the rabbit hole of escalation. Vanilla Girl & Guy anal Gangbangs It got worse and worse until I ended up on TS porn. Never graduated to gay porn thankfully. It didn't take long, only 3-5 years. To the point where I acted out some times when I was under the influence of drugs & alcohol with TS woman. Each time feeling disgusted in myself but repeating the behavior until I was ok with it. Thankfully I never got common STD or worse! All this time I had maintained relationships with girls. Whom I am still very attracted to instinctively & from a primal perspective. I thought I could lead a double life. I was just a guy with a weird kink. Until.... I lost my libido with my gf and started suffering ED along with struggling to form a strong emotional connection with her. That's when I realized there was a problem, my instinctive drive for regular sex had almost vanished. I started to research and I have come to the conclusion, my dopamine receptors have been fried by this insidious porn usage. Currently 7 days into NoFap. I'm finding it easy, I think because I feel so angry at what porn did to me. I hate it and am angry for allowing myself to wander so far from my true self. During the haze of my addiction & escalation, I was content with my lifestyle. NoFap has forced the fog to clear and now I'm ridden with guilt about my behavior, specifically the acting out - something I can never take back. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Did it pass? How can i come to terms with what I have done and move forward with my life? I really want to fall in love with a woman again, but I feel undeserving of them. Like if they knew my past they'd never accept me.