Hi there, Your story is like mine 1:1, except that I got one step farther than you, I did graduate to gay porn. But I always preferred shemales than guys and also, I never met one. I never met one, mostly because they had to be black also and in my region that does not exist (I guess). I am recovering slowly, I am not over the hill yet, I would say. But I don't feel guilt for what happened and how I behaved, and neither should you. Did you see what was happening to you in all this fog? I am married for two months now, I never told my wife. But someday, when I know it's over, I will. What is a relationship good for if you're not able to talk about everything?