My hard mode life

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Iscarpia87, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

    My entire life has been on hard mode.

    I'm 28yrs old and a virgin, haven't had a GF in 8yrs and haven't had any friends in 4 yrs. I've overcome alcoholism, dependency on weed, and quit smoking cigarettes. I have self-inflicted scars and cigarette burns all over my leg, years worth of it. Have been in the psych ward 2 times in my life, rehabs, all that and came out on the other side.

    Being a virgin, with mental issues, and my history, I pretty much assume no girl would ever want anything to do with me.

    You wouldn't know any of this if you met me. I work in retail management, get along with my coworkers and customers alike, but I'm so empty inside. I'm so much better than I used to be, but I'm still so fucking lonely.

    I had never given much thought to my porn use, but have decided to try and quit to see what happens. This will definitely be the hardest addiction I've ever quit. I'm on day 2 right now after a relapse where I went a week. Trying to abstain has made me realize how much of a crutch it really is. Having no one to talk about this with makes it even more difficult. Luckily I have a great family, but they're religious and I'm not looking for a Jesus fix.

    I've started exercising again as well, but my depression and loneliness are always there, weighing me down. I just want a real connection with someone, preferably romantic, but I don't ever see that happening for me. At least not anytime soon.

    Thanks for letting me vent, I'm still new to this community and am still skeptical. I don't do communities very well.
  2. thatrandomfapstraunaut

    thatrandomfapstraunaut New Fapstronaut

    Hey man! Sounds like things have been rough for you, but I mean, it's gotta be awesome know that you've beat addictions before, even if this one appears to be the hardest one yet. At least you have the confidence of knowing you've already done it.

    The social life seems rough, and I've experienced a little bit of that lately (am sure all fapstraunauts have at one point or another). I've realized not having "real" roommates (ideally other guy "friends" your age) makes it a lot harder to meet new people, so I'm moving to a new apartment next week (as I'm a student) in order to start making new friends.

    Like I said sounds like things have been rough, but it's a lot easier if you have support from others. If you want/need an accountability partner I'm more than happy to help you out. I'm also short of one, and I'm more than willing to help out however I can. I'm just trying to get that streak going just like you
    AndySky180 and Don Gately like this.
  3. RadioactivePancake

    RadioactivePancake Fapstronaut

    Loneliness is something I've struggled with as well, especially after moving to a new place and not knowing anyone. In my past, I was usually always blessed with one really good friend. That is not so true anymore... being in my twenties, we've all moved on to other things and places. Being rather introverted, I had to really force myself to get out there and attempt to make social contact. I ended up on and even OKCupid (it's actually pretty good for looking for friends, too) and have at least met up with some people and go to a community drum circle once in a while. With a lot of those meetups, you can hang on the periphery until you are comfortable enough to introduce yourself.

    If you're weary about meeting with physical people right away, the forums are a great start to getting social and fighting against the loneliness many of us Fapstronauts struggle with. We're in this together. We encourage each other. Keep up the good work, man. Two days is a great start.
    AndySky180 likes this.
  4. Iscarpia87

    Iscarpia87 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replies,

    I can be social, when I want. I work 40hrs a week dealing with the public, I'm usually all socialed out after that. Group gatherings drain my energy really fast, plus a little social anxiety (or apathy in large settings) thrown in makes it difficult to meet new people. I want a few like-minded people, that's all.

    I'm pretty insecure, plus I can push people away. I've tried OKcupid, didn't work. maybe quitting PMO will give me more motivation to meet people, I don't know. I don't like a lot of people to begin with though. I'm really up and down and all over the place with my moods too, but I internalize it so you'd never know.

    I'm doing this out of curiosity more than anything else. I read the book Your Brain on Porn and the science behind it makes sense. I really don't expect a cure-all for all my problems, but maybe rebooting will have benefits.
  5. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

    Hey man,

    Just wanted to say. You'vre been through a lot of shit. But you kept your head up, and you show volonty to improve yourself. That's just awesome. I'm pretty sure if you stick to NoFap you'll see your mood change drastically. I experienced this.

    I also know that loneliness is hard. I had period with lot of friends, and some with just no one to talk. But hey.. what's the point to have so much people with no deep connection ? Why not inviting someone with whom you have good "contact" for a drink or share a workout/running ? let's try ?

    Good luck buddy.
    AndySky180 and Yesodi like this.
  6. sih

    sih Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I'm going through huge mood swings and no to little close friends to talk. Living in a foreign country, this place helps.
  7. Congratulations on having the awareness to realise that porn use can be a problem, and the courage to decide to change. These are the first steps to improving your life, yourself!

    There are lots of great people here, supporting each other. Best wishes.
    Yesodi likes this.
  8. snowman_pj

    snowman_pj Fapstronaut

    Hey one thing that helped me was meditation. I do 20 minutes before and after sleep. Start with 5 and work your way up to 30.
    Good luck!
    AndySky180 and DannyCool like this.
  9. Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

    You're right about quitting porn not solving all your problems, but I think you'll be surprised at how much it does change your feelings and moods. Not that you'll suddenly love being around people once you've left work, but your moods will be a little easier to manage. Porn really is like other drugs, and just like smoking or alcohol or any substance, people get antsy and then take a hit to calm down, not realizing how much control it has over them. Low expectations are probably wise, but I would not be surprised to see that you feel way better if you can stay away from PMO (pornography, masturbation, and orgasm) for awhile.

    Thanks for sharing your story!

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