My history again?

Sorry to hear you're still struggling - hang in there! The most important thing is that you're always fighting, always trying, no matter how well you're doing at the moment.

I know what you mean about feeling like you shouldn't go to church or pray when temptation is so strong. Sometimes I find myself kneeling to pray and I have thoughts of past content I've viewed or encounters I've had actively going through my mind. In these times, I don't even ask God to help me stop PMO. I just ask God to help me want to stop PMO. Just the grace to have that basic seed of desire. Then I know I"m being truthful in my prayer.

Remember that the true sin of Judas was not that he betrayed Jesus to the authorities. His true sin was that he despaired and believed he was beyond help. Peter also turned his back on Jesus on Good Friday, but he ultimately didn't fall into despair. That is why Peter is a saint and Judas is not.

 

Yes, it's the key. It doesn't matter that you fall - it's a natural consequence of being addicted for many years. What matters is fighting, always trying even one minute after completing pmo session. The worst mistake is to give up prayer and fighting after pmo session. Then the pmo sin becomes stronger and our addiction too. the only solution to victory is - ''always fighting, always trying, no matter how well you're doing at the moment.'' Doing so you won't even commit grave sin if you fall out of being tired and weak.

 

Every addict wants to fall that is - one part of the mind and will doesn't want to fall but another part of them wants to fall. Which part wins doesn't depend on our resolutions and efforts but on our ....prayer at the time of each temptation. When you cease to pray then the part wanting to fall wins. The key is prayer at temptation.
Even after 9 years there is a part of my brain saying every day from time to time - do ''it'' , do ''it'' , do ''it'' .... but I check this part with my prayer and the actual promise (ending next year).

 

What is your plan when you get tempted? I shared a plan with you that I use, but something else may work for you. Think about your plan then write the steps down. Then practice your plan. Read and say your plan out loud during the day. You like many of us are in a battle. Practice your plan when you are not tempted. Even if you fail, keep trying and practice your plan again. Hope that helps.

 

This is it. Use some of it or all of it.

When you are tempted, try these five steps:

1. Physically move ourselves away. (go for a walk, work in the garden, anything just move.)
2. Say: in the name of Jesus I bind you spirit of lust and send you to the foot of the cross to be judged by the Lord.
3. Say: Precious Blood of Jesus, wash over me and protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil.
4: Say: Jesus, Mary and Joseph, St Marie Goretti and my Guardian Angel, please help me.
5. Imagine something good. (the beach, the mountains, flowers, anything good.)

 

Has anything changed in your recovery/ daily discipline?

 

Did you have prayer when you woke up this morning?

 

In that prayer time do you specifically ask for a day free from this vice?