My journal - stories from The Wife of a porn addict

TheWife · Jul 22, 2016

i've been pondering for a few days now what to write here @IGY, but am not really sure how to respond.
I do come here and do some mod jobs, but have not been journaling.
Personally, I really have not felt like journaling, and so I haven't. It's the new improved me with a backbone of steel!
You may be right, perhaps, I am not a good moderator. To be honest, I do what I can and I am not going to lose any sleep over it.
I really am in awe of the moderation team. They do an amazing job. The things that happen in the background to make NoFap a safe and beneficial place should not be underestimated.

IGY · Jul 22, 2016

TheWife said: ↑

I do come here and do some mod jobs
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OK, fair enough. thanks.

programer · Aug 6, 2016

IGY said: ↑

OK, fair enough. thanks.
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Make me a Mod. I can help since I am a Programmer. I applied to be a Mod when the Need arise and Alexander Posted it but I was not Successfull. This has been My Dream. Thank you In Advance.

hopingthereishope · Feb 28, 2020

TheWife said: ↑

Hello all,

I need some advice to help me get into a better head space. And the ice cream supplies are running dangerously low, so I need to snap out of this self pity before my sugar level flat-lines.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for nearly 10. My husband confirmed he has a porn addiction 3 days ago. It was an email I found to some call girls to arrange a get-together whilst he was on a business trip that brought everything to a head. He apparently did not go through with it, but then again he is an addict and a liar, so who knows.

We have talked about where he is at. He is realizing that at all the low points in our marriage correlate to when he was using a lot of porn. He has been a heavy user the past two years and is escalating, hence the email to the call girls.

I am angry, sad, confused and angry. Did I mention I was angry? Yup, very angry. How dare he risk our marriage, put our future in danger and have such disrespect for me and our family. Angry.

I have given him an ultimatum. Now the ball is in his court. He has to do the work to fix it. I said I would be supportive (a brief moment of clarity amongst the anger) and I will once I can wrap my head around this situation.

I love my husband very much. He is intelligent, funny and a lot of fun. We have a great time together and have had some amazing times over our relationship. But I will not put up with this. We have 2 small children. I refuse to let them see their father treat their mother with such disrespect. I refuse to be a doormat. I will model good healthy relationships, and if my husband does not get help and fix this problem, then I will take my children and leave.

I understand that we are dealing with addiction here. A sickness. But jeez, it just seems like a bit of a cop out. An excuse. I need him to take full responsibility and deal with the consequences without being able to blame something else. (Yes, I do see this is the anger talking).

I have watched Ted talks great porn experiment. In fact, I showed it to my husband during the "discussion" that followed on from discovering the email. It was something that I stumbled upon a few weeks ago and there were some signs that it matched some symptoms. He has now done some extra research and has said he is an addict. He has said he will get some professional help with an addiction specialist. I have now been to the yourbrainonporn website to find out more about this addiction.

I need some help with resources for me. I refuse to sit here enraged, in self pity and wallow in chocolate cake. How do I snap out of this, preferably before I need to dig out my maternity clothes from the attic? How can I get an understanding of this beast? What am I up against? I don't know where to start as it is all so confusing and difficult to accept.

I have also come here as I need someone to talk to. To let it out. I have contained my rage with my husband, as exploding on him will not help either of us. I have lived in my husbands home country for the past 4 years. My home country, with my family and close friends, is 25,000kms away. I have friends here but they are also my husband friends. I also am not great with the language, I'm working on it, but not at the stage where I could express all that is going through my head in this language (although I do know enough swear words to get me by). Hell, I am struggling to find the words in English.

So, please give me your top tips and advice for partners. Where do I start and what will I see going through this? What can we expect on the road ahead? Any suggestions to reduce the rage so I don't neuter my husband? How successful are people in beating the addiction? Any help would be greatly appreciated by me, and my bathroom scales.

Thanks
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I have just read your post and wondered how you got on. I didn't see,until the end, that it was posted a few years ago. I hope you are well. I am on that journey now and feel broken.

hopingthereishope · Feb 29, 2020

Hello, I have just found this thread and it's been so helpful for me as I start this journey. I am up down and all over the place - fight, flight and freeze happening consecutively. Does anyone know what happened to TheWife? Her honesty was amazing and really helpful. I hope all you others have had positive outcomes. I also wonder how long my journey will be and where will it end.

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My journal - stories from The Wife of a porn addict

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