My journey begins

Hello there!
I've joined this site some months ago. Back then I really wished to delete this bad habit from my life. But for some reason, I never tried the reboot program. So here I am, trying to stop this habit. Why? Because I'm catholic and this habit is taking my faith away and because I'm tired of spending my time so unproductively. So... Tomorrow I'll start a reboot program. Maybe 90 days is too much for now, maybe I'll try 30 days, or maybe I'll start with one week and then increasing the time.

Oh, I forgot to say that the habit I was talking about is spending my time on gay porn sites and chats. I guess this (the fact that I like men) makes everything tougher. But hey, I will win this battle one day!

Please pray for me if you are catholic, just give me some good advices if you're not! Any comment is appreciated!

 

Thank you!

 

Here I am. I'm starting with an easy(?) goal. 7 days no PMO

 

I was writing in another thread, but then I remembered this one. Reading when I wrote it hurts me a bit. It's not even the addiction itself... it's that I haven't made any step forward in fixing my sexuality. I have not told anyone about my sexual orientation (?) apart from the priests. I have neve had a date. I don't know if I want a relationship and still don't know if I like men or women. And sometimes I fall in those awful spirals of self criticism and self esteem loss... Today I played tennis after a long time. I was happy I was playing again. I lost and my opponent and he told me I should train, cause he made really no effort in giving me a lesson. In short that I am not good at all. This made me think that the only thing in wich I do well is study. In other fields: sports, drawing, relationships, physical aspect, work, faith... I suck. And NoFap is just another thing that I can't do. I feel so weak and messed up. Why am I not one of those guys I see every morning on the bus, confident, with frinds and girlfriend, not porn addicted, not gay, good at sports...?

 

Today I fell. But after 151 days! Now I feel more the self blame for the step back than the pride for my huge success. But 151 it's still a huge accomplishment for me, regarding in which state I was at the start of the year. I may come back here to try to find the reasons of this success and why I fapped again this morning.