My Journey to a 100 cold approaches

S

Stoic101

Fapstronaut
I'm 29 and live in a major American city. I've done cold approach on and off for around 2 years , but never did enough volume to get good at it. I think I have around 100 total approaches, most of them with pretty bad body language and vocal tonality.

From tomorrow, Dec 21 2022 - I aim to do 15 cold approaches a week. I've been inspired by this other thread https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/100-cold-approaches.298416/

I will use this thread as a journal to document my approaches here. Any feedback or tips are always appreciated :)
 
Did 3 approaches in the morning.


Session 1:
Approach 1
Girl in red dress walking:
- She never stopped, but we talked for 30 secs. Ejected


Approach 2

Did a London day game stop on a girl walking in front of me and did the "I thought you were cute opener"

Pretty good reaction. We talked for about 5-6 mins. I got the number and went on my way.

Texted her after an hour but she never replied.



Approach 3:

Day game stop, "You're cute" opener. Turns out she's engaged, but she was very happy that I approached her


Took a 3 hour break.

Session 2:

Approach 4, 5:

Instant rejections since my delivery was off
 
Big ups for doing this! Cheers for the reference. :)

I'm actually trying out the "London Daygame Model" myself too lately. Going direct is very difficult, but there's not a better way to get calibrated than going up to a girl and say that you like her. Embrace the countless ego deaths.
 
Did 4 more approaches today.


Conversation 1:

Cute girl - did a London day game stop with a direct "You're cute" opener. She responded pretty well and was giggling throughout.
I told her to take my number and text me if she wants to meetup sometime. I'm not going to ask for numbers anymore, only leads to heartache when they don't reply.

Time in set: ~ 3-4 mins

Conversation 2:
Instant reject. She said "OK" with a bitchy expression and kept walking. It stung for a few seconds before I forgot about it :)
Note to self: Never be rude to someone who's earnest and trying to improve.


Conversations 3,4, 5:
- All of these had boyfriends. 2 of them thanked me a lot for coming up to them.


Things I did well:
- In conversation 1, I went with pretty good energy. And cracked a few jokes. It's amazing how much humor helps an interaction.

Things to improve:
- Tease the girl more
- Ask if she dances -> can then spin her around to make it playful
- Still have some AA. Missed out on a few sets
 
StoicContemplation said:
Big ups for doing this! Cheers for the reference. :)

I'm actually trying out the "London Daygame Model" myself too lately. Going direct is very difficult, but there's not a better way to get calibrated than going up to a girl and say that you like her. Embrace the countless ego deaths.
Click to expand...

Thanks man. I spent a few hours reading through your mega-thread. It's pretty inspiring.

I like your stoic and philosophical approach to pickup, really resonates with me.
 
Stoic101 said:
Things to improve:
- Tease the girl more
- Ask if she dances -> can then spin her around to make it playful
- Still have some AA. Missed out on a few sets
Click to expand...
These things are not important. If a woman likes you, she likes you. Other than expressing your interest so she understands why you want to talk to her, you don't have to worry about the rest. Sometimes it will work out, you'll have a relationship, sometimes it won't. But don't question everything unnecessarily. Dating is emotional, it's not a science.

I have been approaching women on the street for 5 years. And if you want a good advice, make friends, develop your instagram, take care of yourself and your appearance. Your style, your body, your hair. And learn to express your ideas more clearly. Forget everything you know because you know nothing. Nobody knows anything about dating, everything is a way to reassure yourself. But the thing is you can find an answer and its opposite with arguments that always make sense on both sides.

I have seen so many guys who are able to approach women but have no friends, no job, empty inside. With a life goal of getting as many women as possible. They've been stuck in this for years.

This thing of approaching women can be as fulfilling as it is brain-damaging. Having relationships by approaching women on the street is difficult. It's easy to fall into a need to always have more or to think that if you don't succeed, it's your fault.

On the other hand, if you develop relationships and your goal is to become a better human every day, it is much more fulfilling. Being able to approach a woman you really like and being you is what counts.
 
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Stoic101 said:
I told her to take my number and text me if she wants to meetup sometime. I'm not going to ask for numbers anymore, only leads to heartache when they don't reply.
Click to expand...

I would advise against this personally. It's better to close strongly by taking her details. You're the man and you have to make the first move. This also means that you have to be willing to put yourself in situations where it's possible to get rejected.

I know it can sting when a girl doesn't respond to your first message, or worse, when she falls off the radar after you've gone on a date with her. Rejection, blow-outs, flakes and ghosts: that's the price you pay for expanding your dating pool through cold approaching. Most men simply can't handle it because of ego defense.

These "heartaches" are a crucial part of the journey. It can make daygame painful sometimes, I know. That's why so many men give up on it. But these painful moments also end up making you. It toughens you up. Your ego will soften. You will learn that your self-worth doesn't depend on the evaluation of others. You will see rejection as meaningless and even as something positive, for those who don't get rejected, aren't approaching.

I don't expect that you will immedietaly gain indifference towards rejection. It doesn't work like that. A simple forum post can't change an attitude. Only repeated infield exposure can do that. Don't panic when you experience negative emotions. I want you to embrace them, whilst also taking the long view where you realize these gutting feelings are temporary.
 
Couldn't approach the past 2 days due to truly terrible weather here.

Day 3: I did 6 more approaches today.

Approach 1,2,3:

Went direct in the street using London daytime stop. Got the boyfriend objection for 2 of them. For the 3rd one, I didn't really know what to say when she started slowly facing away from me - so I just bid her farewell and exited.

All 3 of them did stop for me

Approach 4:
Made eye contact from across the street and received a very subtle IOI (she looked down and had the slightest smile). I let her pass and then did the London day game stop, but with actual emotion. She was really pretty which made it easy for me to put emotion into the opener.

She was thrilled. But she was also in a rush, so I put my number in her phone, but forgot to call myself - oh well.

Approach 5:

Approached Russian on the street. Talked for around 15 mins - but then she had to catch a train, so she left. I didn't bother getting her number as she was leaving America in a month anyway.

Approach 6:
- Brushed off almost immediately with the boyfriend opener. She didn't even stop.

My notes:
- My delivery of the London daytime direct opener is coming off as robotic and fake. I can feel the fairness oozing through as I'm delivering it. I really need to fix this by putting more emotion into it. Or add some profanity/risque words to the opener. I'd appreciate any tips on making this more genuine, I'm honestly at a loss here.
- Need more pauses and smiling. The opener is supposed to be when you're most charming. It's almost like I'm coming off worse than I actually am due to the fake direct opener.
 
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The girl I gave my number to also messaged me. And I have a conversation going with her. I have zero expectations though.


StoicContemplation said:
I don't expect that you will immedietaly gain indifference towards rejection. It doesn't work like that. A simple forum post can't change an attitude. Only repeated infield exposure can do that. Don't panic when you experience negative emotions. I want you to embrace them, whilst also taking the long view where you realize these gutting feelings are temporary.
Click to expand...


Yeah sometimes I forget this when I receive a string of rejections. Yesterday was one of those days. Thanks for reminding me, I will change tack and get the girl's number too now.

Spirituss said:
On the other hand, if you develop relationships and your goal is to become a better human every day, it is much more fulfilling. Being able to approach a woman you really like and being you is what counts.
Click to expand...

Yes, looking at this as a self improvement, ego killing exercise seems more productive. Although getting results once in a while helps keep me going.
 
Stoic101 said:
Couldn't approach the past 2 days due to truly terrible weather here.

Day 3: I did 6 more approaches today.

Approach 1,2,3:

Went direct in the street using London daytime stop. Got the boyfriend objection for 2 of them. For the 3rd one, I didn't really know what to say when she started slowly facing away from me - so I just bid her farewell and exited.

All 3 of them did stop for me

Approach 4:
Made eye contact from across the street and received a very subtle IOI (she looked down and had the slightest smile). I let her pass and then did the London day game stop, but with actual emotion. She was really pretty which made it easy for me to put emotion into the opener.

She was thrilled. But she was also in a rush, so I put my number in her phone, but forgot to call myself - oh well.

Approach 5:

Approached Russian on the street. Talked for around 15 mins - but then she had to catch a train, so she left. I didn't bother getting her number as she was leaving America in a month anyway.

Approach 6:
- Brushed off almost immediately with the boyfriend opener. She didn't even stop.

My notes:
- My delivery of the London daytime direct opener is coming off as robotic and fake. I can feel the fairness oozing through as I'm delivering it. I really need to fix this by putting more emotion into it. Or add some profanity/risque words to the opener. I'd appreciate any tips on making this more genuine, I'm honestly at a loss here.
- Need more pauses and smiling. The opener is supposed to be when you're most charming. It's almost like I'm coming off worse than I actually am due to the fake direct opener.
Click to expand...
- Do you approach women you really like?
- Do you want a result or do you really want to meet these women? In the first case it's selfish, and women feel it so it doesn't work. In the second case it's authentic.
- Stop trying to be perfect. You can be loved in your entirety
- Do you take care of yourself every day? Weight training, healthy eating. Does what you think of yourself become more important than what others think of you? If not, it's time to consider yourself. If you can't meet women authentically, your relationship with yourself is not high enough.
- Do you pay attention to your style?
- Make friends, otherwise you have nothing to offer to the women you meet. A guy who is alone in his life and approaches in the street is desperate. It is inevitable. You will communicate a need instead of giving.
- Develop your instagram
- You can also become friends with the women you approach. If in a year you have approached 500 women but you are still alone in your life, there is no point of trying. You're not there to consume indefinitely and move on to the next one. You can for a while, that's cool. But MEET people.
- Nobody will come to applaud you because you slept with 100 women in your life, nobody cares

You need to have a deeper vision of yourself and others if you want to move forward.
I encourage you to keep going, it is already an accomplishment to dare :)
 
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I'm impressed by your balls but I personally would never do this.
For me it's easier to hook up with a girl who I know from a female friend. Via via. Or trough sports, school, university. Or at Events where there is something to do.
Imagine you are a attractive girl and some random dude comes up to you and says: "Hey you are cute" without context.

I have a sister and she told me that what girls usually want, is a guy who has high status, who is respectful, has manners, is a gentleman and who she knows for a while.


Still, you got balls bro. I respect that. I'm excited to see the further progress.
 
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