Thank you, @Broken3 - I've always been more comfortable with death than a lot of other people, but I figured I'd feel way more than this with her. She was like... the most important person. I think it helped that I got to get closure with her before she died. Everyone got to have conversations and she got to tell everyone what she needed to. My 15yo female cousin got to tell her the truth and she accepted it(she's queer, my mom and I are the only other people who know so far, her parents are religious and anti-lgbtqa+,etc.) and my sister who lives down on Cape Cod was able to come up to tell her goodbye too. She knew about the PA, too. I talked to her about it last year. I'll probably cry some more around Christmas. It was her favorite time. I don't think I'm done grieving yet. Anyway, on to write an update from last night.