My Journey Towards Peace (Journal)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by WantsToBelieve, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    See... that's so funny.
    Because I just realized how wrong I was.
    I remembered.... it wasn't even a goat she rescued.
    It was in Africa, it was a gazelle.
     
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  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Still not a lama lol
     
  3. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    I know.
    But it was funny.
    They're all similar animals.
    But go ahead with the memes!
    I love a good dank meme.
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  4. My dad has pygmy goats -- about 4 or 5 of them -- not as indoor pets, but he lives on a big piece of land and built out an area for them. They are quite fun creatures....never imagined doing yoga with them though! :)
     
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  5. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    A PSA ON HONESTY
    FYI: This is not about my life or relationship, but something that just went down on here that I and several others were upset by.

    What is the basis of a good relationship?
    Is it sexual chemistry? A good solid foundation of friendship first?
    Or is it honesty and loyalty?
    I think it's all of these combined and more.
    Honesty is part of a good basis of communication.
    If you can't talk to your partner, who can you talk to?
    This is the person who is most intimate with you.
    This person (especially if married/engaged) has agreed to love you through thick and thin.
    Better or worse, sickness or health, all that wedding vow stuff.
    By lying, or hiding the truth (which is still lying, by omission) you are breaking those vows.
    How can you have a true relationship at that point?
    If only one person gets to make the call on what the relationship is, that's no real love.
    It's false love. False promises, false statements. Words and actions have to line up.
    And the stupid excuse of "protecting" your partner's feelings by lying? That's bullshit.
    You're only "protecting" yourself and your lies.
    Your "freedom" is on the line with addiction.
    Lying about it makes you free to continue that addiction.
    It's no wonder some guys can't make it over 60 days.

    Will post my own journal-ish thing later. I just had to get that out.
     
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    *tears
     
  7. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Been going a little stir-crazy. We haven't had check-ins for the last two weeks. Looking forward to Friday when we can finally check in again.
    Yesterday we had a snow storm and his work cancelled. So he was home all day by himself.
    I was really worried something was going to happen.
    I'd asked him to do some dishes, wasn't expecting a whole lot out of that request.
    I hoped I'd get let out early, but I didn't.
    He'd dropped me off in the morning so I didn't have to drive in blizzard conditions, and my dad gave me a ride home (we work together).

    I got home.... and the dishes were almost entirely done apart from some he'd just used when he ate lunch.
    He got me beer (pricey beer at that - I love me a good IPA) and chips.
    He waited for me to get home to nice surprises.
    He actually got stuff done.
    He was watching a nature documentary when I got home and had paused it on a scene he thought I'd like.
    He was absolutely right. It had big cats. I love big cats.
    I was.... floored. In the absolute best way. I honestly almost teared up.
    He got touchy-feely which didn't surprise me, but I did have a thought which I had to get rid of quickly or it would have ruined everything.
    I thought "did he do all this so I'd have sex with him?" and I gave him that look.
    He said he'd thought about M but wanted to wait and be intimate with me.
    Said he missed me and thought about me all day, wanted me home with him.
    Nearly literally swooned.
    This is a hell of a lot of progress.
    The sex was amazing. O-ing together? Can't beat it.
    That's it for today, probably.
    I'm a happy girl.
     
  8. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    That is so amazing, so happy for you!
     
  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I want to cry just reading this post... So happy for you :) :) :)
     
  10. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys :emoji_two_hearts::emoji_two_hearts::emoji_two_hearts:
    Trying not to let it go to my head.
    But it was so damn sweet.
     
  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Yeah but you deserve it.
    You deserve a moment.
    Enjoy it
     
  12. Yes! Yoga will be sooo good for you! Relaxing and stress relieving even for a short time is wonderful!

    You get along well w McFly and his family! Beer ppl :) I’m a wine girl ;)..and vodka...

    Best kind EVER! And he waited for you and was honest about it! That’s progress! Win!
     
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  13. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Hey journal followers and passers-by. I know it's been a while.
    I've been.... neurotic/paranoid at worst, nervous at best. For a long time now.
    But he's been doing well, apparently.
    I'm just still having a hard time trusting.
    This check-in schedule won't work anymore, though. I've just decided that now.
    We need to change it to Saturdays, because that is the only full day of the week now that we can have together, just the two of us, alone. All day.
    Unless you guys don't think that is a good day to use for that, because we always seem to fight during check-in.
    So doing it on Saturdays might ruin the one day we get.

    We had a situation the other day... I checked the history and got really suspicious about some stuff. So I hacked his email and synced our google accounts.
    He got kinda upset that I locked him out, so then I confronted him and he denied having done anything wrong.
    Turns out the cache settings are set to GMT time, so the time gap I thought existed... didn't exist because of the time conversion.
    But we ended up having a conversation about it afterwards, with me suggesting he research the addiction more to get a handle on his urges.
    I asked him why he hadn't been having a problem lately, and he says that avoiding thinking about it as a whole helps him avoid temptation.
    That.... made a little bit of sense but it's still off-putting.
    He can't handle thinking about why he PMO'd in the first place so he can avoid it in the future because it might cause relapse thoughts?
    That's why I want him to come to me when he DOES have triggers, or urges. So we can work through them together.
    But he chooses to brush it under the rug completely. Compartmentalize it even further.
    This isn't healthy and I know it isn't.
    How do I get him on board with letting his emotions occur naturally?
     
  14. Is he in counseling?
     
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  15. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Nope. Neither of us are. Hopefully with his new job/new insurance he'll be able to go without having to pay a massive deductible before anything is covered, like I'd have to do right now. Ugh.
     
  16. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Here's hoping. How long before he finds out what his benefits are and when do they kick in?
     
  17. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Thanks :emoji_hugging: When he starts, the benefits should start right away from what they told him. What those benefits are, I have no clue. I'm not sure the exact date he starts but it's this month. He just passed the drug test a few days ago, and they still have to do his background check.
     
  18. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Awesome!
     
  19. Does your SO read regularly or is willing to read about this stuff?
     
  20. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately that very thing has been a point of contention between us for quite a long time now. He is NOT willing to do the research unless I force him to read specific things, and until he said it might trigger him I didn't know/understand why. While it does make some sense, I feel it could be a cop-out, or an excuse not to follow through. Do you think it's legit?
     
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