Time for an update-slash-vent-session. I know it's been forever, guys. And I'm so very sorry. I thought things were improving, I thought he was changing. Last Thursday, 3/29, he had an urge for P that he "couldn't resist". He went on a site for about a minute, and then closed it. No M. But he cleared it from the history AND the cache. On MY laptop. And then proceeded to not tell me that any of this had happened. He was a coward. When I checked the activity on Monday, 4/2, I noticed the cache was gone. I asked him, and he point-blank lied to me. Again. Only after I said I didn't believe him, did he call me and admit to it. I know I said one more lie and I was gone. It was serious this time. So I made him go and stay at his parent's house. It came out that he is SO depressed that he has lost his romantic connection to me. All feelings, gone. Just like that. Our relationship has begun to be only physical for him. He said he stays out of obligation. He says it's the depression, but I don't know what to believe. He said he didn't mean any of it, that he only said those things to end the conversation. That he does truly love me and who I am as a person. That he wants to marry me. I can't marry someone I don't trust. He is calling his doctor today. Supposedly. We'll see. Says he wants to start therapy. I've only been trying to lead that horse for two years now. Why did it take THIS to convince him that he needs help? Yet again, I am not enough. I don't deserve the truth, or to be set free so I can try to be happy. I'm not saying that because I truly believe it, because I know what I am worth and what I deserve. And it's not this. Not this pain. Do I wait one more time, to see if he can fix this? I fucking hate depression. What it's doing to him. To us. I just want us both to be happy.