MY LAST DAY WITH PORN

Wow have I had a really bad day. It honestly started last night when the temptations started coming. I was so desperate because earlier that morning I had masturbated to girls in bikinis. Then why not just relapse since you partially did already.

I became desperate trying so hard to uninstall detoxify on my phone and get covenant eyes off my computer. Last night I was willing to stay up just too watch porn all night. I was willing to go as far as using my grandmas headphones so I could hear the moaning and not wake anyone up to doing whatever it took to get covenant eyes off my computer.

When that didnt happen it was get in contact with the company to change my password so I could. Then it was on. Now I feel so ashamed.

I wanted to go down this path so I could feel like this to give me some confidence. But now I feel like I may have just fed my addiction even more. Im honestly at a loss of words for myself. I am a broken record and I dont think I am ever going to beat this addiction.

Youd think that by now I would have learned my lesson. That after getting fired from a job etc I would wake the fuck up. What is it going to take? How much more suffering will I have to go through until I finally beat it.

Ive honestly have had enough but I feel like I am probably going to be writting another one of these restart entrys in a couple of days again. How can I get back to where I was at the beginning of this year? Its more like will I ever get to just 90 days?

I dont want to be this loser anymore. I got plans and goals I want to accomplish by the end of this year. I am not going to accomplish them if I continue to allow porn in my life. There has to be an end point to this fucking addiction somewhere.

This is where I am? Does this story sound familiar??? Well if it does please feel free to respond. Success stories are very much needed for a confidence boost.

 

Thanks man! I know I have too. I feel like God put me in a place where I can be able to beat this addiction. I just got a new night time job which usually is when I relapse. So I am going to take this as a way to get out and get my life back. I told myself I was going to quit 5 years ago and have gotten to about day 70. I got to do this for me.