My Life Is Extraordinary, Porn Is Holding Me Back

So, I just checked my tracker and it looks like I've gone 31-days, or a full month without relapsing. I'm not sure when I reset the timer, or whether I watched anything after, but ultimately I haven't had a 'reset' for 31-days, a whole week longer than my previous PB and I didn't even realise. Below, I have written down whatever came to mind. I don't pretend to be an expert, but this has been my experience, and I hope that it can help someone else.

This streak is very different to any previous streak, and once you push through the first 7-14 days it does get a lot easier. I haven't been chasing my streak, and as a result I haven't been obsessed with fighting my urges.

I believe that it is key to fill the gap that P leaves, for me this has been reading. For example, I would always struggle with P first thing in the morning when I would get to work (I always have the first 15-30 minutes alone in the office), and fighting the urges at the start of the day would guarantee fighting for the rest of the day. A struggle for sure. I have started bringing in a book to read, and by the time somebody else arrives my brain is either bored and ready to work or I have that anchor, or risk of somebody being there to just keep those urges at bay before they flare up.

I have also been spending more time in nature, this past weekend I managed 45k+ steps, just walking along a river into the city, sitting in a park reading for 2 hours and walking back. It's important that we will our time with good habits, and start practicing the life that we wan to live. Saying "I'll start living when I've beaten P" seems to be another mind-trick, just start being the person that you want to be today and the habits will follow with time.

As many have said on NoFap, willpower alone will not win this war, I'm far from over this but identifying as somebody who won't watch P ever again has helped. But, I do think that the past 6-months of seriously trying (and 5-years of on-off trying) were needed to reach this level of understanding. You need to learn your own cues that start your cravings, your own 'why' to beat it, and new habits and things that you enjoy to replace P. But, you will inevitably get there so long as you keep trying.

Leaving PMO needs to be a lifestyle, you need to get off of social media, fast food and all other super-stimuli. To truly live we need to live like our ancestors, using technology as a tool but not as a means to live. To be entertained by Netflix but not let the latest reality drama control our lives. Figure out how to live without the never-ending dopamine cycle and live like a God among men.

Technology addiction is only getting worse. PMO is only getting worse. Attention spans are getting lower. If you are young, there has never been a greater time to be alive! Break the shackles that hold most down, wake up, and you will have almost no competition in this new world that keeps brewing.
 
Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well.

Today is day 41 of my streak, I wouldn't call it a 100% free streak, I had a few peaks early on, but importantly to me it did not result in gooning, or spiralling, and it was just P. No MO. So, I am happy with that. 22 of these days have been completely PM free; just a week out from my highest ever in that regard.

I'm feeling great, brain fog seems to be lifting. Days 10-38 or so were rough on the flat-line, 0 libido, brain-fog, no motivation. The worst that I've ever had, by far. But, that seems to be mostly behind me. Libido is slightly back, so it will be important to keep that in check until I reach the next flatline.

A few things have surprised me about this streak - As somebody who hasn't cried in 3+ years, I can feel emotions coming back. I feel more 'awake' to my surroundings, less tense. But, I also have sore muscles nearly all of the time, often feel sick, despite the fact that I have a pretty good immune system. But, I'll take all of the good and bad as necessary steps towards reaching my natural state. I am not avoiding sex at all in this streak, to me, getting back to a 'natural state', being no P and no M, is more important. No artificial dopamine.

I have been reading A LOT. Digital marketing books, inspiration books, biographies. I am also now on a 100% whole-food plant-based diet, and so far so good. Muscle mass is maintaining and I am leaning out. I thing that these lifestyle changes are helping with my streak, but they could also have something to do with why I am feeling ill, or even more 'alive', so I'll need to keep tabs on things.

I'm also quitting my job within the next month, which is scary. I chased the CEO of our company for 18-months to get a job for him, started working for free, then got a traineeship making minimum wage. I've now been here for almost 4-years, and considering leaving after working so hard to be here is scary. But it's time to go out on my own and chase my dreams as my own boss, with my own company. This should help with my PMO dramatically, as most of my P consumption actually happens at work, I have watched P all of my life, but it seems to only have led to PIED and become a typical addiction at work. 3+ years of gooning and just watching, without M or O.

Leaving to start a business with my wife will be good, to get out of being alone in an office all day and to effectively have an accountability partner with me most of the time. I typically only ever relapse Monday mornings at work. Changing our environment helps us change our habits, that's what I'm attempting to do. I also will not let PMO hold me back any long, with taking a risk on quitting to start my own business I cannot afford to remain the same.

Thanks for reading all, I'm active on here but don't usually post. I'll look forward to checking your updates!
 
I'm so glad you've decided to put out an update. You were definitely one of the most inspiring members I've followed on this platform.

Hey, that means a lot! I'm not as active as I'd like to be, often just browsing a few times a week but I'll try to post out more often.

I think one of the best things that we can do once we've kicked off a good streak is to forget that we're actually fighting - and a part of that is to not come onto NoFap. The more we are here, we subconsciously remind ourselves that we are an addict, that we are fighting against our urges. We need to reach the point where we just aren't the type of person who watches P anymore, and that type of person doesn't come here very often.

There's a place for it, I feel reading through some threads in the morning can keep me grounded, but I've been through the stage of becoming obsessed and learning as much as possible.

I actually read lately that in order to become enthusiastic about something, and thus more likely to stick to it, we should learn as much as we can about it. Want to get excited about a certain country or city? Learn as much as you can, I guarantee that you'll find yourself drawn there. It's the same with a diet, NoFap, school/uni subject.
 
Relapsed today on day 50. But, that's okay. Onwards and upwards. Incredibly proud of myself for making it to day 50.

A couple of days ago I saw something that triggered me on Instagram, then a day or two after that I was trying to check a thread on Twitter and logged into an account which I thought was safe, but it was not. I could tell since first waking up this morning that it was going to be a hard day, and I should have fought harder.

But at least it is only 9.30AM so I can get on with my day, rather than kicking the rock down the road for a few days waiting for an eventual relapse. I will not have done much damage with this 1-hour P session ending in O, so long as I limit it to just this and press on.

Weird that it landed on day 50. Maybe it was my subconscious... I didn't have a specific goal in mind but it looks like my new max streak is day 50. Now onto a full 90-day reboot, backing onto 50-days with 1 relapse that should still be a pretty good 150 days total.

We press on.
 
Another relapse 5 minutes ago.

The hardest part of NoFap certainly is the start of a new streak. Everything feels dull, work is difficult. Everything sucks and you know the solution to "feel good".

It is painful to have let myself down, but I will overcome this for my future self and for my family. We all can. If we can reach the 14-day mark, it's relatively smooth from there.

It's amazing how, when deep into a streak, I start to notice things. How pretty the sky is, the noise of birds. When in the middle of a binge cycle or fighting PMO, these things tend to drop away.
 
Thank you for this post, OP. I can really relate. "It feels like my good side and my bad side are always at war."

This reminds me of how guys like us can be lonely at say, an AA meeting, where stories are being exchanged about ending up homeless, bankrupt, with liver damage. Same thing here where some people are really just in their basement PMOing all day with no reason to come out of that stupor. God bless them, but there also exists this different type of struggle.

I'm with you man. It's like we sabotage ourselves even though we have all of this good to focus on in other areas. I think that is a testament to the dark power of this addiction. PMO can trick us into thinking it's better than the subtle reality of exciting work, a beautiful wife, a happy family, meaningful friendships and hobbies...

Lately I've been smoking cigarettes and last week I went on a PMO rampage up through Friday. I'm 2 days into abstaining from PMO now and I'm weaning myself off of cigarettes.

Stick together guys.
 
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