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My Life is Like Skyrim - An Endless Quest of Solitude

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by CarlosRay, Dec 25, 2015.

  1. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    Okay, that title is dramatic, but I couldn't deny the opportunity.
    In reality, it is something like this: I find that I am the kind of person who cares; genuinely cares, about peoples lives. I empathize, and almost carry a burden of others problems.
    The problem is, I know few who do the same for me, without me first reaching out to them. I have some great friends, and we would do anything for each other, but none go out of their way to ask about what is happening in my life. I have recently been struggling with a lot of emotional turmoil, and I don't feel like asking people to hear me out. I guess I just want someone to care enough to ask me.
    Now, I am not trying to throw a pity party. My life is not as hard as a lot of people around me, and my problems are overall pretty trivial, but I find that my loneliness is stemmed in a lack of people who reach out to me to show that they care.
    I don't know what I am looking for posting this here, it just feels good to share my mind. Maybe there is someone who can profit from knowing someone else goes through the same thing? I don't know. I guess this also stands as a declaration that if anyone needs someone to talk to, about virtually anything, I am here for you.

    Merry Christmas,

    CarlosRay
     
    Lexy likes this.
  2. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    Isn't the title from that Nerd Rap battle? XD
     
  3. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    It is one of the lines in it, yeah.
     
  4. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same as you do. "You are your best friend", sounds weird i know but i'm totally convinced about this since a while. What are you looking for exactly ?
    A friend that would come at you asking how you are, trying to solve your problems with you by kickin your ass sometimes, pushing you to your limits, always available ? I'm not sure it's real, can see that into movies maybe. The fact is that people are so focused on themselves.

    Personnally i enjoy company of any positiv people that would enter in my life.. But don't need it anymore as i did in the past. Being needy is being unhappy in life.
     
  5. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    The truth is, nobody(execpt your closest family) cares about you. If you really need to get something off your chest I'd suggest calling your closest buddy to grab a beer. He probably doesn't care either, but sometimes we just need to talk for a while. Get your shit together and realize that if you want good social life, you must put in massive amounts of work. Throw parties, invite friends out, do hobbies. Read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by the way and have great holidays.
     
    ChristoX8 and Lesoldat like this.
  6. Reid Davison

    Reid Davison Fapstronaut

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    I understand. It's kind of like a line in the song Shine by Anna Nalick that says "you're the one to whom nobody verses I love you unless you say it first"... I'm a very loving person and I try my best to give it out to every single person I come into contact with, but I've never found someone besides my close family who takes the time to care about me or love me if I don't initiate it... I don't really have any close friends besides God and my sisters because when I reach out to people to connect, they never try back... That's why I think I pmo. I look for a bond... My best advice is to talk to God like he's your best friend because in reality he really is. I talk to him like I would a best friend all the time telling him about my day, what I like, my struggles, my pain... And the best part is he has the ability to help. It will still hurt from time to time, but I'm praying that one day God will send me my two people (a girlfriend and a best friend) and I know he will when I'm ready and they are ready... I've been praying for seven years for them, and have had my heart broken several times thinking they were them when they weren't, but I'll never give up my faith. I talk to the Lord about it allot and I know they are coming no matter what. I hope this helped you. If you ever want to you can pm me and we can chat...
     
    Napav likes this.
  7. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what I am looking for... I guess I just wish there were people around me who cared like I do? I know that sounds dumb, and it isn't that I hold myself in the highest regard, I just find myself having to deal with everything on my own, when I feel like the strength in humanity is humanity united. Sure, it is hard, but I think that humans aren't meant for absolute solitude. In the very least, I am not meant for solitude. And I will always be there for my friends who need me, but isn't it hard to constantly check up on them when they never do the same? Don't you get burnt out? When you spend a large sum of time investing in others, and no one invests in you in the same manner, it is hard to continue the same path. Not to neglect them, but to understand that they truly don't think the same way as you.
     
  8. Reid Davison

    Reid Davison Fapstronaut

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    Again I understand dude completely. For me that's when I need the Lord the most. When I pour myself out for others I look to him to fill me back up again and he always does. But I understand. I find myself wishing for it just like you do that someone would actually take more than a minute to talk, listen or get to know me.. But you have to keep going. Not to sound boastful or anything, but the world needs more people like me and you. People that genuinely care and love others, because I love people so much, even those who hurt me and from the way you talked above, you love people even the painful ones too. I've heard that the best way to live is to expect nothing and be grateful for everything if that helps you. For me I'm an optimist so I can't help getting my hopes up over everything so it doesn't help. For me I've had to learn that no matter how I feel, I'm never alone. I always have god and my family. Im still trying to learn that. Our identity isn't in who surrounds us. It's what we have inside. We are special people dude and I'm serious. There's not a lot like us. Don't let the world and pain keep you from loving people, because loving people is the greatest thing anyone can do.
     
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  9. Reid Davison

    Reid Davison Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the dude above too. You can't love others if you don't love yourself first. Help yourself before you help others because otherwise you'll end up worse off. It's okay to tell people no sometimes. I'm still really working on this part lol
     
    ICleansedMe likes this.
  10. Keemo

    Keemo Fapstronaut

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    Merry Christmas! Hey here is what I learned over the years: if you genuinely care about others, find ways to make them feel loved and they WILL love you in return. But as long as you keep your love in your heart, you will remain lonely because others do not know how much you care about them. Learn ways of expressing your love to others and you WILL see the difference because in life you only reap what you sow. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Good luck!
     
    Eric'sBlue, CarlosRay and ICleansedMe like this.
  11. Dave0007

    Dave0007 New Fapstronaut

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    Merry Christmas! solitude is not always bad. I think of it as a chance to get to know myself better. I guess you do need people in your life and all but as you said only few people will be willing to share in your bad moments...a family member, a really really close friend..etc At any case, as a man, I've learned to deal with my emotional mess and any problem I face for that matter, on my own. I don't know how old you are but that's a skill you'll and should be working on acquiring. You are a man, you take care of other people's emotional turmoil. You are tough, collected and emotions don't mean much to you.
     
  12. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I am glad to hear from another who has struggled with this, and I agree with what you said. I know I should keep being the way I am; I just do get fed up with being one of the few thoughtful people around, not trying to sound rude or arrogant. The Lord does help, but there are times when I really desire an earthly discussion with someone. Anyways, I am glad to hear from you.
     
  13. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    I think that is a little stereotypical, but I get your point. I do find that I want to be involved with other peoples problems, so I can aid in whatever way I can, but that doesn't really mean I can't hope for someone to do the same, right? Being a man doesn't mean that my emotional turmoil has to be dealt with solely by my own efforts, unless I missed something. Don't you find that humanity is at its greatest when it is in harmony with itself? Humanity's strength is in numbers, not in solitude. Just some thoughts. I appreciate the input.
     
  14. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it is. You feel it inside because it's true. That's why there are forces that constantly divide- and the unknowing people go along not realizing. Focus on the One, reap what you sow, and see as the other poster mentioned when you really give, not just inside your head, but with action; others will give back to you. It's the only true way.

    I find myself ignoring social convention and focusing on what really works. It's a lot of hard work...but it does pay off. There are a lot of liars out there.
    I'm having the same struggles you are. Except I'm beating myself up over how I've sold myself out to go along to get along; the blame comes out...which is destructive. I say pray to God, read the word and keep your eyes on the prize. Read and get wisdom; get understanding. If you're running a race if you stop to look around they'll pass you, not only that but you're not running anymore. Just keep moving forward. Also, the more you have an expectancy - the more somehow it will be unmet. ...Idk why this is, I think of it as a magnet, it begins to somehow polarize other people and they flip off of you like the same ends of a magnet. The need is too strong. Over sharpen a blade and it will dull, fill a cup and it will spill. I read somewhere some wisdom that said that the more expectancy you have for something, will create the opposite.
    People ARE self absorbed, selfish and narrow minded. This is just, the nature of man. I at one point thought I escaped that by living in a place where 'I thought' that was better. But it turns out....it may have been a tad less but I was younger (everything's better when you're young) and...I greatly embellish it because I'm dissatisfied where I'm at.

    Don't wait around for it, sow it... and then you'll reap it.

    I constantly feel that it should be easier, things should be easier. ...I always felt that way, growing up. That it should be easier than it is, that - it's not fair how it is, how (seemingly) cold and ruthless the world is, and it isn't - the truth is both actually, in some strange paradox. People are capable of great empathy and good things...but most of all - you just see the bad, that's how it is. The more people work along in harmony together, with eachother, the more beautiful and easy life will be. That's why, when you really think about the concept of America, it is kind of a nightmare...actually.
    I also think where you are at makes a huge difference too. My Mom always says choose your circles. I say yes I understand this - but she fails to understand that it goes "beyond" my circle - it's not just self preoccupation. People like you and me are worried about bigger things. Our own little circles won't satisfy us.
    Just something to think about. I'm considering moving elsewhere; Canada, Europe, etc.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
    CarlosRay likes this.
  15. Sight

    Sight Fapstronaut

    A lot of what you say resonates with me. Been feeling a lot that way myself the past couple of days.
    My family and a couple of cousin siblings know about my issues, but they are often (unintentionally) ignored by them, and they just forget for a second and assume I am on top of the world as far as mental health is concerned.

    Just a minute ago I got comically berated(as in, not meant to be completely serious, though I ended up taking it as such) by my immediate sister for stepping out of a social event tomorrow because I genuinely need some alone time.
    "You get to get away with stuff like that so easy" - Paraphrasing, for fuck's sake I actually WANT TO GO, but I also know that it isn't the cure to the turmoil I am feeling right now, it will just make things much worse.

    Would be great if for just once they took the time to understand in better detail what I am going through and asked and listened and whatnot.
    Still, I am aware they are going through shit too, and I know it's just withdrawal pains making me take this more seriously than usual.
    Just a little tired of reaching out myself consistently...would like it to be the other way around.

    Er, so to end what was meant to be a empathizing(is that the right word?) post but has apparently instead turned into a pseudo-rant:
    I get where you are coming from mate, maybe not completely since certain circumstances are different but I do get the general feeling.
    So to end this - Forgive em. If there's something in your case that you need to forgive. Forgive yourself for feeling this way too, you are allowed to, it will pass and it's just part of the human condition, right?
    They are human too, and everyone has flaws or flawed moments, don't hold it against them. It's not all they are.
    Because if you hold it against them, you are also liable to hold such things against yourself in the future.

    And at this point I basically have confused myself to what I was trying to convey when I started this so let me ACTUALLY end it now >3>;
    Thanks for posting this, it definitely helped me to read about someone else going through something similar, hope you are doing better now and finally -
    Brain fog, YOU SUCK.

    And a random song:
     
    CarlosRay likes this.
  16. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I guess I have already reached a point of investing with no expectation; even more so then when I posted this. I have a much more clear head, and have been able to just go through life, without thinking anyone owes me anything. I think it is healthier this way. Anyways, thanks.
     
  17. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    Dude, I am glad you were able to benefit from this posting. I sometimes question why I post things, but when I get feedback like this is when I remember why I do. Same boat, different seas, right?
    Anyways, I would just like to say that I have never not forgiven people, in fact, I don't even know if I was truly holding it against them, I simply noticed that I think differently than my peers, friends, etc. That being said, I also find that I enjoy being there for people. It is hard, and that isn't always enjoyable, but knowing you helped someone, even in the smallest way, is. I love knowing that people know they can talk to me when they need to clear their mind, or when they are going through some crap. Sometimes I am the confidant to people, and that also feels good; makes you feel valuable. Where this is going is that humanity is what makes life worth living, even if they occasionally make you feel like life sucks. We are both the best and worst things to ever exist, but the best moments are so much more valuable than the worst.
    I would also like to add that your message was coherent; at least coherent enough for a person in a similar situation to understand. You adequately conveyed your point, and I appreciate the correspondence. I would also like to wish you the best on your own journey. May we all find solace as we walk our lonely roads.
     
    Dizzy Lotus and Sight like this.
  18. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Hm. I didn't read every post in here as I'm supposed to study. Anyway.
    I don't think I recognise this. Just today, I had somebody messaging me asking me how I were, stating I haven't messaged her in some days, saying she's been praying for me, et cetera. Is that the sort of thing you feel like you're missing?
     
  19. CarlosRay

    CarlosRay Fapstronaut

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    So, I found myself thinking recently, and I have started to consider a career as a Guidance Counselor for High School students. This seems like such a positive way for me to invest myself. As I often care, and listen anyways, what about making a career out of it? I still have some thinking to do, and decisions to make, but I am going to keep it in consideration.
     
  20. I like the ODST helmet. I know this has nothing to do with your message.
     

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