My life is ruined.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by saneagain, Jun 22, 2017.

  1. Hi saneagain.
    I recognized me a lot in your story and your symptoms.
    I'm not a doctor. But it looks like more to a depression.
     
  2. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    Dont think so. Still having wet dreams, nightmares and sex dreams. My teeth and gums hurt. Memory problems. Dizziness and lightheadedness. Plus the fact that it seems to go away veeeeeery slowly. Looks like drug withdrawal to me. Look up symptoms from benzo withdrawal. They are the same.
     
    starved likes this.
  3. I read hundred of topics and never saw someone with so strong, so many and so long withdrawal symptoms.
    I made a hard one and had exactly the same. Depression isn't incompatible with sex dreams.
     
    Bel likes this.
  4. ominous1

    ominous1 Fapstronaut

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    I feel for you and understand what you are going through.
    I dont have much more to add than what has already been said.
    But as far as the teeth go. I had this same issue. Wasnt grinding teeth but was clamping down. Got a moldable mouth guard from sports authority and pop it in when i sleep and when i notice i keep clamping down. It makes you a lot more aware when you are doing it and can help with relieving some of the pressure when you are doing it subconsciously.
     
    Bel likes this.
  5. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    I know at least two guys who have still withdrawal symptoms after 1 year. Even antidepressants don't change anything for them. Because it's withdrawal.
     
  6. Ok. If you are right, I think I would prefer to relapse than living 228 days of such a hell.
     
  7. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. The tooth pain is not from grinding or pressing my teeth. It's like nerve pain as if someone is trying to pull my teeth. Has to do with extremly tight jaw muscles. And I already have this plastic thing I wear at night to bite on.

    Yeah... and depression does not make you all tensed up. Not all muscles on your body. Jaw, neck, back, shoulders or even toes. All typical withdrawal symptoms. And give you a feeling of burning skin etc.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and starved like this.
  8. I had tensions almost everywhere and I was not into Nofap.
    But I won't insist. I just thought fair to warn.
     
  9. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it is true hell. But now I work out and go running. What kills me is the dizziness and depersonalization. I read it has to do with GABA and serotonin deficiency / receptor count.

    I don't even feel like watching porn or masturbating. Sometimes the urge to MO spikes up for a few minutes but then it goes away.

    I will wait 2 months. Then I have an appointment with my neurologist. Maybe I will try low dose AD but I am 99% sure this is not what I need.
     
    Freeddom_Taker, Bel and starved like this.
  10. I just began to try. But I won't tell you how it changed. Cause even if the symptoms are the same, the reasons can be different.
    I hope you will heal naturally.
     
    starved likes this.
  11. andromeas

    andromeas Fapstronaut

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    Try water fasting 3 days for the beginning and after 2-3 weeks try 7 days water fasting

    Studies have shown improves depression symptoms
     
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  12. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. Yes. Drug recovery resembles the symptoms of an mental illness or even a brain tumor. Sometimes clueless doctors prescribe a higher dose of ADs when people are actually suffering from withdrawal symptoms from an SSRI (lookup "Zoloft withdrawal"). It is hard to tell apart.

    Some symptoms improved or are gone like nausea, mood swings, unbearable pressure on the very top of head. Pressure in chest and head reduced to a level where I can work out and go running.
     
    Bel and starved like this.
  13. I know. I had all of this too. The pressure on the top of the head was so much strong that I was thinking to it all the day for months. It was obsessive.

    I can't know if it is anxiety, depression, withdrawal symptoms or just lack of sleep on my side. And the doctors are trying to make me think they know everything. But all tell different things...
     
    starved likes this.
  14. 2 questions
    1. how many years have you looked at porn?
    2. how far did you go with porn related things?
     
    starved likes this.
  15. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    I guess about 12 years.

    But the extreme phase was the last 7 years.

    During the last 7 years I would often PMO until exhaustion. Sometimes up to 8 times a day. Sometimes I would have a day off. I even had some decent streaks of 90 days PMO free. But when I PMOd it always was multiple times a day. I could have 3-4 orgasms in one session. Often it was one specific category of porn which I don't want to name to not trigger people (but it was not some weird fetish). I experienced somewhat similar withdrawals in the past. But they were not this intense and long.
     
    starved likes this.
  16. i would not worry about what your going through right now. it will go away, you will be totally 100% normal again. I used to be a heavy user and such. I had similar effect of it, and they kept getting worse toward the end. but don't worry, you will be a 'normal person again' it just takes time.
     
    starved likes this.
  17. I meant to say I do not think your life is not ruined all you did was look at porn, that really messes up a persons head. you will feel better again with time. just make the best of your days, focus on changing growing or what ever, just really focus on setting a few goals for your self, and act on them. grow into your better self.
     
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  18. how are you doing, any better?
     
    saneagain likes this.
  19. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

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    Still bad. Improvement seems to happen on a week to week or month to month to month basis. I went to the library today and took my laptop with me. I forced myself to read a book on programming and tried to learn something. My memory is shit but I have no choice. Feels like my IQ dropped from above average to 50. I guess this is what people call "brain fog". No concentration, no memory, everything is blurry. Dizzy 24/7.
     
    backlashx likes this.
  20. jacobin

    jacobin Fapstronaut

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    This will last only some time. Get yourself into reading by less productive stuff first. Read Archies comics. Read Dan Brown books. Once you get there, start taking video lessons(youtube, coursera, edx) instead of books. You've probably become more attached to moving pictures than stationary words right now.
     

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