My life struggle

Hello friends forgive my English, this will be long .. I am Latin and I am new at NoFap but I have been visiting the page for 4 months. I was addicted to porn, masturbation, video games, and sugar since I was 12, now I am 30 years old. My life before the age of 12 was great, I was an extroverted boy, sportsman, the girls looked for me, i was fun and cheerful, I was doing well in school and i was very spiritual, I prayed every night to my guardian angel and to the universal energy called god. I did not go to church and I did not belong to a religion, but deep inside I felt that I was connected to the stars and the universe, so I felt grateful for it. At the age of 11 I was exposed to pornography, which was quite disturbing to me and the images of that first video are still recorded in my memory. With my family we went to live in another city to a house that, because of what my parents told me when I was older, It had a room painted entirely black with very strange red signs. Unfortunately that was my room until I was 18 years old and everything started, I do not think it was a coincidence but something took hold of me in that place, at the same time my addiction began. Like everyone, I started watching pornography in magazines, then cable TV and finally the internet, at the same time I started playing war games, eating junk food, and listening to toxic music. Now I understand that all this was the perfect mixture for isolation, loneliness, depression, and a host of other consequences that led me to think about suicide at the age of 19. One day being alone at home while watching TV, I felt a presence in the room, first turned on and off the light and the TV, the curtains moved (the windows were closed), then my bed began to move, I felt a tremendous panic to the point that I was paralyzed with terror and could not do anything. After this event something in my change, stop praying at night and rejected everything that had to do with spirituality and god. My mind was in chaos, I thought about sex all day, my nightmares were horrible, I woke up at 3 in the morning with cold and scared. Years passed and as with hard drugs, I was climbing to harsher pornography, because the normal thing no longer exited me, I will not mention what I saw, it is simply enough to not be able to sleep at night. My life was in a black hole, I did badly in college and with girls, I could not even read a paragraph of a book without thoughts of sex coming to my mind, it was really annoying. At the age of 20 I was in a mess, I was extremely shy and thin, my eyes were dull, I was walking towards the ground, I was dragging my feet as if I were carrying a sack on my back, my voice trembled when I spoke, I said incoherent all the time, etc ... i was like a real sexual zombie because everything that came out of my mouth were twisted thoughts about sex. Then I left the university after two years, so I had plenty of free time, I worked only on weekends and on free days I saw about six hours of porn per day, I masturbated three times, and the rest of the day occupied it in video games. Develop severe depression, social anxiety, nervousness, promiscuity, low self-esteem, erectile dysfunction, insomnia, panic attacks, poor memory, anger, thoughts of suicide, etc. At this point I could not fall lower, but I did ... I started watching videos of people's deaths, this contaminated my mind even more and distorted it to such an extent that I could not sleep at night. From 20 to 25 years my head, mind and life were hell, to such an extent that I try to take my life twice. Two years before I realized my addiction, I played at the Ouija board, fatal error .. I feel that this opened a portal in which invisible entities They stalked at night, my bed was shaking strongly to the point of waking up, sometimes I took off the sheets, and woke up with cold at 3 AM. I think addiction to pornography is a mental and spiritual struggle, in which you must ask for help from a higher energy to free you from this. I did this at the age of 25 years when I cried and pleaded with an energy that I did not believe in, that freed me from my feelings of depression and anguish. At this point I received signals .. sitting on the beach I fell a white feather on my chest, this happened three times in 2 months, so I looked in a book about this event, this opened my curiosity about reading and knowledge. I feel that the universal energy was unconsciously guiding me towards the books, so I looked for a self-help book and found that my symptoms were caused by an addiction, it was a matter of time before my mind understood that what I was experiencing was not normal , but a serious addiction to pornography, masturbation and video games, but the most dangerous and hurt me the most was the poison of porn, which kills you slowly and silently from within, like a cancer. Finally at age 25 alert my family of my problem, they understood and helped me to cope with it .. I left pornography, video games, and masturbation, I bought a basic cell phone and did everything necessary to get rid of this monster. My time was spent reading self-help books, spirituality, psychology and personal growth, this helped me enormously to take control of my mind and brain, which had been abducted and imprisoned by addiction. I discovered meditation and spirituality .. I meditated for a while and one day something incredible happened. At 25 years and a half, I was meditating in the morning and I entered into such a deep state within my being that I could feel that something was about to happen. Something filled my head to my feet, as if a warm light full of love was coming through my head and then down my body .. I felt incredible peace, happiness, compassion, and love indescribable .. at that time I knew that the universal energy had passed through my being. The sensation lasted only about 15 seconds but I change my way of seeing life completely, recover the spirituality I had as a child, I prayed again at night, I understood why my life had taken that direction at the age of 12, and that now I was not alone in this fight against evil, now God was on my side and we would fight together. Five years have passed since that event, now I am 30 years old and I still have a hard time believing what happened that morning, I feel that I had to live all that suffering and agony in my life to finally find and find God within myself, and begin a new life of mental purity and living a normal life. I have tried four years to stop this addiction, but relapse twice a month .. now I understand that this drug is incredibly difficult to abandon, because it takes over our brain and mind. Four months ago I discovered NoFap and it was a huge help in my process of change because I understood that if you do not have a plan of strict meditation, cold showers, good nutrition, sports, and reading you will not be able to leave this addiction by sheer willpower, everything will be complements, and you will realize after each relapse that you are missing or doing something wrong, that's why I learned that I do not have to torture myself every time I relapse, but to learn and implement what it takes to not fall again. In four months my best streak was 38 days and I felt incredible, I do not think that the benefits have to be described because a lot of that has been described here. I simply thank this page and all the pages on addiction to pornography that have served me well on this trip. Goodbye and strength brothers.