My life with porn-addiction. Help me...

newcatboy

New Fapstronaut
Hello everybody. I do not want to give my name. I masturbate with 10 years. Up to 10 years I watched naked women, eroticism, exciting pictures, spying on naked women. I had many problems at school, everyone hated me, I was very harmful. I hated and hate all women. At first I thought it was a normal state. But 7 years ago when I entered the university, I began to understand that something was wrong with me: I could not study 100%, I quickly got tired and did not understand simple things. I began to think and understood that the reason for everything is my masturbation. Since that moment, attempts to quit jerking have begun.
The first time I did not masturbate for about 3 weeks, then when I passed all the exams I looked at the porn and broke. Then I again got into depression and I was ill. All my feelings I muffled games, rock music and watching TV shows. My day consisted of: 1) Morning, breakfast, viewing porn, masturbation, depression
2) I sat down and turned on the game and played 4-5 hours.
3) If I won - I did not masturbate any more, but included rock music and listened until the evening and during the breaks watched different serials.

I realized again that something was wrong with me, it should be easy, and I was dependent on rock music, porn, serials, online games. Then something happened to me and I decided to stop jerking off and did not do it for 2 weeks, then another two weeks, and then another month. For the first time in my life I did not masturbate for almost 2 months - it was a very big step. But one day I again turned on the porn site and broke. (The cause of the first failure was a very heavy load on the brain, I solved a lot of examples and problems in higher mathematics).

It's been 7 years since I started the fight - it's very difficult. Now you throw it - tomorrow you sit down again and turn on the pornographic site and watch 3-4 hours a day. It is very tiring - you do not even want to swim, eat and brush your teeth. You are satisfied with the dirt in the apartment, you are happy - but it's just an illusion.
A week ago I lasted 6 days without porn. Every day was like during the war. You are afraid of yourself, like a sniper in the bushes, which can kill you at any moment. You go and in your head thoughts about how "good" porn; Look porn; "Relax" - but it's not true. But I did not care, because I did not go to the end.
I have no one to whom I could hug, kiss and spend a pleasant time. I'm afraid of all the girls. It's easier for me to be alone, but I want a better life. My story is deplorable - I'm 24 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend, because I watch porn and masturbate.
I want to get rid of addiction, I want a new life, because what is going on with me is a real hell on earth.

If you read this, know that all my words are true. Masturbation is evil, loneliness, depression, laziness, aggressiveness, selfishness.
If you wank, like me, then for you all this will be the norm and you will swim in shit.

I would like to find like-minded people who would support me and help me find a way out of this state.
Thank you.
 
@newcatboy welcome to nofap. There is nothing to be ashamed of not having good relationships with girls at age 24 as people's background and upbringing play a big role in this. I didn't know much about women around that age either but I can say I have met a few women in my life and had girl friends on and off. What happens in the future depends on you, while it is a difficult task with determination and hard work you can change things.

I began to think and understood that the reason for everything is my masturbation
The reason for everything is not masturbation. You are trying to cope with life and the only tool you have right now is masturbation.
Do you have friends, hobbies, job and other things you enjoy? if not try to get them one by one as you don't conquer porn and masturbation by focusing on it but by replacing it with a fulfilled life. It won't happen overnight. It will take time but it is worth it.
I encourage you to come here on a regular basis and start a journal and you will make progress.
I wish you good luck!
 
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.
 
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