My log/e-diary

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Thanks man . I'm trying to remember why I even started this bullshit in the the first place. If I can find out why I started pmo int the first place maybe I can find out how to stop it . I have to work backwards .

 

Figuring that out can be a help. For me my problem continued on after the cause was no longer there, as I was unaware I had a problem. Discovering a big part of why did help me in my fight.

 

I started this when I was 14 to deal with stress . The first time I ejaculated I thought I was on Mars , little did I know I would remain in this space for the next 5 years , suspended with no gravity and away from the earth and reality …distant. I moved to a far school so I was the new kid . Then I skipped a grade so I was the new kid again . I had no time to make real friends . It didnt help I was different from everyone . I wasn't shy lol , girls invited me to be their prom date , guys invited me to the pub , but I rejected it . I kept my mysterious allure as a disguise for my loneliness. I don't trust anybody other than my parents .

 

Stress and loneliness, two big ones that got many of us started.

 

The day you relapse is the worst . You stay miserable for 24 hrs until you reach a 1 day streak again......I an going to buy a diary to record my journey , my life journey . There is something magical about a paper and pen that an electronic screen cannot replicate.

 

I have some much at stake at the moment. No second chance.

 

my longest streak ever was 3 weeks but I felt awful and tired . i want to change .Im trying.....

 

You do get past the point of feeling awful and tired, you were probably very close.

 

Thanks friend , its just I didn't even feel like myself during that period , I guess when habits become 2nd nature it becomes hard to remove that part of your identity, its like cutting off your own skin .I don't my want my identity to be PMO when I'm feeling stressed anymore .
Can I ask you what motivates you to do nofap in general ?

 

For me it was getting caught by my wife. The pain that came with it for both of us is what snapped me out the PMO trance. I can understand what you say about not feeling like yourself. In the beginning you are in a fight with your own mind and the PMO you has been you for a long time. The real you will come back out, it just takes time.

 

This was really sincere friend . Thank you for sharing it with me. I want to persevere to see a different side of myself in the forseaable future .Cheers

 

Any time brother.

 

i never knew I was so immature . I don't take myself seriously..

 

I woke up with morning wood and am feeling much better with at least a 1 day streak now . I am studying now and will exercise later on day . I am trying to go on a cut and lose around 8kg-9kg within 3 months and gain muscle too(hypertrophy) . I have never gone on a cut/bodybuilding in general before . This will be interesting. I will post pics of my progress.

23/03/19 -Day 1 of Cut

 

I'm feeling very angry for leaving everything so late , regarding my weight , eating patterns , studying habits , nofap in general . I want to start something and finish it .

 

I stayed away from the toxic forums I used to read .I feel less stressed.

 

Good work, keep it up.

 

I feel I'm on a time limit

 

I realised for the past 2 years i have been trying to befriend people that are alike to me in some form/ nature without considering if I myself indeed is a commendable person . I personally would not look up to somebody with no self control .

 

I am happy to see 3 days. My last relapse was difficult.