Been staying out in a nothing to do town for a couple of years now. Most people out here go to bars and the what not and I'm a pretty sober person so It's hard to make friends. I spend most of my time alone in my room reading books,meditating, and watching YouTube. I want to get my life together but I suffer from ADHD and I don't want to take Adderall, Ritalin, etc. This isn't to excuse my lack of progress in areas of my life that I want to improve on, but It's hard without something to supplement my behavior especially when your brain is constantly looking for dopamine due to a lack thereof. I don't know what to do. I haven't had intimate interaction with a woman since the beginning of this year and I haven't had a relationship in 4 years nor a steady dating life. I'm a pretty odd guy I just read, wotkout(when I can muster), write poems and raps, dance a bit, I don't use social media with the exception of YT and now NoFap, I won't even touch sugar unless I can't ignore it, nor do i eat fast food, also I'm vegetarian,and I don't watch T.V. I ruminate alot and want to talk about deep things(philosophy,science, and spirituality). I need friends and a gf I can do that with otherwise I end up bored with the mundane topics people tend to linger on. I hate small talk but see it as a fundamental component of social interaction in an era where people are more invested in their phones than each other. I hope I don't come off as pretentious I just feel very different from most people. It sucks just going to a job I hate and coming home everyday just to do the same thing. Just to be alone again with barely anyone to relate to. My mind a frantic jumble of random thoughts incessantly looking for a way to express themselves and be known. Looking at the very device that contains my vice, wondering if I can use it to escape from this existence I can't help but approach with a tortured ambivalence.Immersed in a most noxious political environment when all I want is peace and a clear sense of sanity. I miss being where I used to live because I could go to the museum, go downtown to talk to beautiful women, visit various bookstores, join a club, or go to a social function. Out here those things are sparse at best and this place is rife with excessive nepotism. Don't get me wrong I needed to move out here to get away from bad habits that I'm fairly certain I've overcome. However my stay is now proving to be detrimental and I need a way out.