My long and dark addictions that ruined most of my early years

Hey! new here so i thought i share a very personal side of my life. If this is the wrong section pls help me move it

Been on Semen retention for 30+ days, and wish i started this sooner.My story is long, but i’ll make it short and straight to the point.

Im 31 years young. I was introduced to porn when i was 14-15 (very young imo). At around 17-18 porn became a habit to me (every day sort of thing) Back in high school and most of my 20’s, i was very shy, didn't want to speak to people or make new friends. Had some girlfriends here and there, enjoyed sex with them, but porn was always on the side.

At the age of 19, i started experiencing with escorts. My first experience was awful and felt disgusted with myself afterwards. This however, lead to my second addition, escorts. All these years have passed and i cant count how much money i have spent on this ‘hobby’ (people who does this call it hobby..), but now that i been clean, i do feel some regret. Believe it or not, I did meet very cool and beautiful women on part of my life, but those women, they were damaged, just like i was.

Together with the escort addiction, there was porn.. hand to hand. Now looking back to my life, i can see how blinded i was. Lost so many opportunities with good girls for being an addict, always looking for the sluts/the easy route. But without that experience, i wouldn’t be where i am today.

Although these additions ruled my life for most of my teens and twenties, thankfully i managed to get into a good career, and so far its going good, and i feel very graceful career wise.

I stopped watching porn on August 2020, and haven’t watch that nasty shxt since, but i struggled to quit the escort addition... Early December 2020, i was a very low point in my life, its like i felt lost and that i had no purpose on my life. I decided that i needed to change my habits. On December 14th, 2021, i started writing a daily journal (which i still do until today and will continue to do so) and having a to do list every day, while hitting all my daily goals. Any fears/insecurities and all my goals/desires i write them down every day. This help me a lot, since i can see a progression on how my life is changing. However, i still relapsed two more times with the escort addiction. Lastly, on Jan 18th, 2021 was the tipping point and i started going cold turkey. Deleted social media accounts, no escort, no porn, no masturbation, blocked sites, etc..

My life has changed a lot this past 30+ days. I feel that i have a purpose in life now, and i’m back on track in my journey. Im working on myself everyday, studying to become better in my career and working out almost every day. Also feel very spiritual as well, in a way that i can sense people’s energy. Its funny/sad because its like i can see how dead most people are inside..

Another thing, i stopped was smoking weed (which was mostly daily). I don’t smoke as often anymore... I do feel that in a moderate way, weed helps you clear your mind and relaxes me when on stress (like work stress). However, i’m working on smoking less and less, and at some point don’t smoke at all.

I don’t have by any means the sex appeal/magnets from women that people claim to have when you are on NoFap/semen retention, but i do feel good about myself (which is the main thing i care about). Working from home however, limits my social life a lot, so i don’t get to meet new people that often, plus its winter and cold here where i am. Maybe on summer i can meet new people lol. Looking back at my old self, sometimes i cringe on the way i was, and how immature i behaved.

Porn and addictions will destroy you. You must kill your demons, kill your addictions. If you are a porn addict or addicted to anything in particular, then you are being controlled. WAKE UP! , stop living in a loop, don't waste your time, its the most valuable thing and you will never get it back!

I hope that someone finds this useful and learn from my mistakes, you can turn your life around!

This quote is very meaningful to me, its from Steve Jobs:

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something”

Be the best version of yourself and have faith.

 

Thank you! - As i mentioned on my initial post, i stopped watching porn on August 2020 (6 months ago) This was after many times, and multiple relapses. Looking back at it, i have no desire to watch porn anymore, and really just thinking about it disgust me. However, it took more effort to beat my escort addition.

Here are the things i would have done years back, that have helped me beat my addictions:

1. Accept that you are an addict and learn and follow the 12 step program.
2. Delete all social media accounts. Block all the sites that you visit for porn from your phone or computer. Those sites/apps will only trigger your addiction back.
3. Use your time to improve yourself (young people should focus on choosing a great career and follow their journey, not chasing women)
4. Work out frequently and take care of your appearance.
5. When you feel the ‘urges’ try to remember that those are your demons that want to hold you back and make you be miserable, you MUST fight them until they are destroyed. They are your enemy, and they are within you.
6. Its good to talk to someone close you to that you can trust about your issues and your path to recovery. In the case you dont have that or dont want to, take a pen and paper and write down how you feel in that moment. All your negative thoughts, struggles, shame write them down! . If you feel like crying, then cry! ( a good cry is good sometimes ) . This help me a lot because to me it was like i was vomiting all my negative thoughts in that paper, which then i will destroy in pieces and flush them in the toilet.
7. You must have determination that you want to defeat this addiction. Its helpful to keep a daily journal and every morning write down how you feel, what did you dreamed and what you want to accomplish on that day. Put it in checkboxes so throughout the day, you can ‘check’ the task you have accomplished (this is very powerful imo)

Remember, everything is in your head. You brain is a power computer can re-lean and re-wire by destroying old habits and by creating new and positive ones.