My long list of regrets

This is probably going to be a long rant but here we go:
I have a lot of regrets. Things in my life that I should've done differently and that are too late to make up for now, and they go way back. I believe that all these things are the cause of my current life state, regarding relationships, professional future and mental health.
I was a very smart kid. In elementary school, I always aced my exams without ever needing to study, I would just breeze through my homework easily, and basically get results with no effort. I was what you can call a gifted kid. My brain was simply faster and better than other kids, which caused me to jump ahead one year which means I got put in class with people 1 year older than me. This, in addition to building my ego, made almost all of my friends of my age to be angry at me, and they wouldn't include me when they hanged out. My first regret was not working towards fixing this problem and just accepting them "kicking me out". And also, since this would be my last year of elementary school, I didn't end up being super friends with my new classmates.
Then, my second regret was choosing high school. Where I live, most people choose between 2 high schools. Me however, I went to a different high school for a stupid fucking reason. In those 2 high schools there were people from my town and nearby ones, while on mine 99% of people was from the city it was in. This caused me to not create friendships as tight as I would've wanted, because when classes were over, I just went back to my house and did nothing, while most of the group could hang out after class. (Funny enough, this still happens to me in college, but for a different reason which I will talked about later). These not-so-tight friendships that are now a thing of the past. Because of the nature of these friendships, and most of my hobbies which were more single person than anything (During this time, I was spending a lot of time on single player videogames, or playing other stuff by myself), caused and were caused in a loop that made me who I am today: A very lonely person.
Circling back, I said I was very intelligent. But the older I grew, the harder it became to control my brain. I remember being a kid and crying myself to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the day my parents would die. This discontrol of the brain cost me a lot, but most notably socially. I couldn't start a conversation without rehearsing in my head, without thinking what the other person would say and planning my responses.
Until I found a way to silence it.
Even though it was unconscious, I would feel how PMO slowed down my brain, and I can't remember a time when I would PMO and lose control of my brain.
The problem was now that, since I wouldn't "prepare" for stuff, it just did not go good, which caused me to stop trying by lying to myself and telling me that I didn't need it. I stopped thinking about hanging out after class with my classmates, because after class I would forget about the outside world while doing PMO. Needless to say, talking to girls was and still is scary and hard. My third regret is, of course, being addicted to PMO.
I finished high school with a small group of close friends that drifted apart during summer. During the summers I would sort of reconnect with my elementary school friends, but my brain would always remind me of that year where I was a year ahead and I could never feel at one with the group. Obviously during the school year they were close friends, but not me.
My intimidation and avoidance of everything social (and by that, unpredictable) during my first years of college even if I had some good friends that I still have now in my last year, caused me to of course feel on a different level of closeness than the rest of the group. They would party together, and I would say sorry but I can't and move on, suppressing my thoughts with PMO. But now it has been a year and 3 months since I started seriously trying to quit, and now, in my longest ever streak of 41 days, i finally saw the truth.
I discovered that all these years i used PMO to escape thoughts that I disliked and couldn't control, and excessively protecting myself of the discomfort zone which caused me to not grow as a person. And I realized this just now because I've started to lose control of my brain again. Not as in PMO urges, but as the anxiety, the fear of not being in control, the conversation practice,...
This summarizes many of my regrets.
Where I am now, it's a tough reality.
The truth is, I am 20 years old and I've lived a very boring childhood and teenage years, and I've used it to shape myself a boring future, with a boring job and no friends to talk to once it's over. I have become the very thing my 9 year old version didn't want me to be.
I used to have hope that quitting PMO would restore my life to its fun, interesting, full of friends life, but the truth is that this life has never existed for me. It's too late to build it. There is no going back.
However this is not about giving up. I will fight to get this addiction away from myself. I will become better. Even if I can't become who I want to be, I will spend my life trying.
I want to thank anybody who read this long post and everybody on the forums that has helped me and that continue to help me fight my addiction.

 

RIght now I work 2 jobs, study, play sports, and go to the gym so I don't have time to pick up more stuff haha
I understand what you are saying and I am working to make it better. Thanks for your comment!

 

I think that all the things that I've talked about are forgivable, because in fact forgiveness is the first step towards fixing it. While sometimes we may think that the things we have done are unforgivable, this is not true, because if we can't forgive ourselves for it there's nothing to stop us from doing it again. I am trying to forgive myself for all these mistakes/regrets. It will take some time to do this for myself but it is what I'm working towards, and very importantly, I'm working to not repeat them again.