My mind is becoming more and more perverted

Hello everyone, I’m 19 year old who has big problem. For the past two years I’ve been trying to quit masturbation and porn. Well it’s been kinda unsuccessfully. First of all I started masturbating when I was 10. I was introduced to the porn while I was 9 years old, but I wasn’t that much interested in it. Mostly I would jack off with help of my thoughts. I started masturbating regularly with at the age of 15-16. At first couple of years I mostly mixed thoughts with porn, but porn majorly. But later I could rarely fap without porn. At some point I realized that I was being bored by the regular porn and started to watch other more disturbing but tolerable categories. Last two years my fetish’s where just bizarre. I started enjoying to cuckolding and interracial sex. I was at point where I wasn’t enjoying women anymore. I was thrilled by the thought she was some kind submissive . Also I forgot to mention before that I was also attracted to old/young porn, where old man use young women. I don’t know why but I guess i was turned on by seeing those women used and “humiliated” by that old man. I was just deeper and deeper into that. But that wasn’t top of my moral degradation. One and half year ago after I had my first sex I realized that I couldn’t ejaculate that quick. I didn’t have much enjoyment in sex (just to mention I’m circumcised, maybe that’s because of it) so I had to masturbate so I could finish. But I wasn’t jerking off to a girl which lay next to me(just to be clear that girl was smoking hot from head to her toes), I was masturbating to a scene from a old/young porn which I saved in my degenerate head. Anyway I didn’t bother to that so much. (I need to mention that I’m very good looking, I don’t mean to be narcissistic but just to explain you the problematics). Two months after my first sex I stumbled upon gay site for matchups. We were calling them just to tease them and laugh a bit. But when I came home I found that very erotical so I started reading those ads and I was pretty aroused to it. Soon I was imagining myself to be in that position. My already sick mind started turning on on gay porn. In december 2019 I started watching religious people who talk about everything that I named above. Suddenly I felt so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t believe it. But even though I perceived all of that I couldn’t quit porn and masturbation because it was just stronger than me. I managed to sustain myself from jerking off 17 DAYS. Every time I start NoFap process I feel so empowered and happy, but usually every fourth day my mind gets bombarded by sick thoughts and I just can’t help myself. The real thing that mentally destroyed was sex I had this summer. I met a girl which had body like brazilian dancer(literally I have never seen such a booty in my life!!!!). But even though she had stunning body I wasn’t feeling near like I expected to feel. I had problem with my erection. My penis was pretty limp for some part of the sex. And on top of everything after over an hour of sex I couldn’t ejaculate. That was the point where I realized I’m in huge problem. After that there was a few attempts to stop masturbating but everything was unsuccessful. Lately I’m just being attracted to gay porn and thoughts and I even chat with some gay strangers. I started contemplating how would it be to have sex with those men’s. Even though it erouses me currently, I know that I’m not gay. To summarize everything I’m writing this because I touched rock bottom. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m 19 years old and I would like to have a normal relationship with girlfriend like all my friends do, not to be pounded by some hairy old dude just because it kicks my serotonin and dopamine.
I have feeling that I’m destroying my life.
PLEASE HELP!

(sorry for my bad grammar, English in not my mother tongue)

 

thanks for the positive and compassionate reply. For the gay part I know that I’m not gay. Before all that started I felt really disgusted by the thought of anal sex in general(in both sex not to be hypocrite). I found that way of sex way too contrived. Now when I get aroused by gay things and then masturbate, after ejaculation I feel so disgusted by the thoughts I had before orgasm.

 

Actually she wasn’t brazilian, she is from my country, I just compared her to brazilian dancer(cause of her booty).

Anyways, I met her in the club in the morning hours. We just maked out that night. I contacted her couple of days later and we met in my apartment. She was obviously one night stand type of girl I guess. Before we met at the apartment I didn’t masturbate from the day after we hooked up at club. I don’t know why I had problems with ejaculation, during sex I felt pretty anxious. Probably because I felt nervous because at some moments I had problem with erection.

When I’m masturbating to porn it takes me around 10-15 min or sometimes even less depending on type of video that excites me. But when I masturbate on mental pictures it also takes me like 10-15 but sometimes even longer.

 

Sure, why not.