My mission to read fiction.

What? Why bother with such a banal goal. Particularly on NoFap's forum.

Well, let's just say it's the final hurdle of what's been (so far) a 6-year long journey to reduce my anxiety, become more present, less self-involved and less of a neurotic slave to productivity.

You know those people that walk slowly through life, drink tea, remember your last conversation, always look up, ask questions that show you they're actually listening, pick at their meals only when there's a break in coversation, stop eating when they're full?? Well I'm trying my best to become one of those and I've recently decided that the final measuring stick for success on these fronts is whether I can read, truly READ and get lost in a book of fiction.

I don't think I've ever been able to do it. I'm 36 now, and with various addictions to porn, food, social media, multitabbed internet usage, I've trained my brain to get whatever it wants, immediately. Reading fiction is almost impossible. I get two paragraphs in and my brain is screaming. I feel so uncomfortable, like I'm wasting possible productive time, and my anxiety returns bigtime. I've made such progress in 6 years improving my sleep, sexual function, self-confidence, care for others etc. etc.... but still, reading eludes me. It actually scares me because the anxiety it provokes is reminiscent of my worst times (now thankfully years behind me).

So here I am, on NoFap's forum, documenting my personal challenge to read a book of fiction. Anyway. I'm going to document the journey here. Given my total discomfort with reading at the moment I'm doing a few preparation steps to curb my monkey brain's impulses.

Preparation stage 1: no PMO for 30 days
Preparation stage 2: no PMO and no impulse eating for 30 days
Preparation stage 3: no PMO, no impulse eating and no internet for 30 days.

CURRENT STATUS: Going into Preparation Stage 2. The first 30 days of no PMO has been pretty easy. I haven't watched porn in a good few years, so perhaps the tough bit comes later for me on that front. No impulse eating means I have three square meals a day, no snacking in between and lay out everything I want to eat infront of me BEFORE I BEGIN EATING. I'm allowed to eat sugar/desserts etc, but as long as it is pre-planned before the meal begins. The idea is to reduce impulse eating (which I do ALOT of), not obstain from all indulgences. As long as the indulgence is planned before the meal, it's cool.