Been struggling a little today. My eyes have been everywhere when driving. Tried thanking God for the female form instead but not easy. Been having some occasional ball pain but no urination pain or smell with it, so don't think it's infection. Brain trying to convince me it's due to no 'O' and perhaps I should do it to release something. Think that's called self deception me thinks. Can't really get erection without a lot of stimulus anyway. Been that way for last year or so. This might be my high cholesterol for which I have just started on statins. Going to go and pray now. See you later fapstronauts.
That still keeps your mind unhelpfully focused on the wrong thing. How about just ignoring the female form for a bit? Take it off the table as something you dwell on at all. Yep.
...posted that by mistake. Better than....thanking God for female form, but still hard. Tried to practice the presence today like brother Lawrence. Gave me strength in various work encounters. Feeling happy this evening. My dysthymia has abated, due in part to this site.
Today my eyes have been vacuuming and scooping up all kind of lustful morsels today (is that what is meant by P-subs?). Everywhere: a short skirt as I am driving by, a jogger near the park, etc. But, still no PM. 2 weeks tomorrow.
Still no PM in for 2 weeks now. Also, I didn't visit any places of I'll repute in August. In 2018, I visited places 30 times and didn't go a single calendar month without doing so. This year, it's only been in April and July so far that I've gone wrong. Also having had bit of a drink issue, over the years, I have managed to go 2/3rds of 2019 now without a drink. More importantly though, I have started spending more time reaching out to God in prayer. In the parable of the possessed man...
...he gets his house emptied of them, but because he didn't fill his home with good things, the demon returns with his mates, so the guy is in an even worse state than he was too too begin with. It's ok not PMO in, but what are we going to fill our houses with
Came home from work with migraine today. But later on I succumbed and PMOd. Damn it. First attempt: 15 days. Let's try again with Good help.
Back on track with the no PMO. On one level, it's no good being partial about what I surrender to God: it's all or nothing, at least in intent. What I have also found useful this year is to really focus on one area and gain success there. For me this has been alcohol {I have no strong religious reasons to abstain personally though accept some do have}.
...but for me it was a decision inspired by God (and a whole lot of common sense left ignored for a long time). Having a level of dependency on alcohol, I focused on it particularly in Jan this year and gained sizable freedom from it's pull. I now have gone 8 months alcohol free. This victory with God's help has given me a new belief that in Jesus, I could also break free from PMO/ visiting sex workers etc. Success in one concentrated (slightly easier area) promises greater success in others.
Ditto. For me, it's been nicotine, which built my belief and strength. "...and a whole lot of common sense left ignored for a long time..." That side comment echoes strong for me right now. Isn't it ironic that we are fighting with things that, if we had only listened to the simple commandments we were given (assuming we were; not everyone has a good upbringing, and I acknowledge that), how much pain and misery could we have avoided? Ref Lk 19:42-43.
Yes. I think though that as a kid you adapt however you can to survive. For me as a vulnerable young kid moving into puberty, masturbation and porn was like a sane response to insane circumstances at the time. The roots of this unhelpful yet at the time understandable coping mechanism have gone deeeep into my soul over the years (because I let them). Now God has allowed them to come to a head, to reach such a problematic point that I simply have to deal with it all. Praise God though that He has new things for me and new life to experience beyond these addictions, if I am willing to be purged. If I am willing to trust Him.
Need to reset my counter again. Was off again with migraine. Then later in day, bored and in bed recovering, alone in the house ...you can imagine the rest (DONT!). This is a great site, but think I am using it instead of praying and being with the Lord. Gonna go now and 'commune'.
Today was challenging. A personality disordered patient at work has been sending emails about me to other Important people criticizing my care etc in a way that is totally unfair. Still, the rest of the team is supportiv and know me. That, together with a migraine hangover. Then my daughter is distraught because her nose piercing has come out and the hole seems to have healed up and there's nothing I can do about it...
...I was feeling like the red mist was decending and I had a flash of me smashing a glass against a wall, but luckily I didn't. Lots of hugs later, she (and I) feel lot calmer now. Still, I haven't PMOd yet today.
