My observations after 90 days of hardmode

My observations after 90 days of hardmode:

1. I'm physically fitter then 90 days ago,
2. Eyesight has improved -> I can read text further away and have less eye floaters,
3. Emotional numbness is gone -> my emotions are now often exaggerated, causing mood swings, but things are slowly normalizing (not numbing),
4. Depression symptoms have improved considerably -> I still have dark days but I'm not depressed all the time,
5. Social anxiety is less intense -> I still get uncomfortable around people, but not to the point of avoiding them,
6. General anxiety has lessened -> I'm still anxious when I overthink how to fix all missed opportunities and the mess I've made when living in addiction rabbit hole, but I'm not completely overrun by this existential fear anymore,
7. Porn doesn't excite me anymore -> I'm not saying I've completely recovered as I have still found myself on torrent site with explicit material without even wanting to go there, but I could easily close the tab without cravings, not downloading anything. Old habits die hard, especially for former addicts like us, that's why we should always stay vigilant and humble. I have no illusions; no matter how long one is free, all it takes is one unexpected disastrous life event and us being emotionally weak at that moment to fall back into the PMO rabbit hole,
8. I obviously can't tell if I still have PIED as part of hardmode also includes no MB or sex, but based on morning woods observations and not much improved libido, I'd say PIED is still a problem
9. I have more energy -> it's not that I'm super active now, but I do have enough energy to start implementing new heathier habits into my life and try to change those I don't like. It will take time and I'm still failing on many fronts, going from stagnation to slow progress is still better than no progress.

Well, that's about it. It has been hell of a ride. A lot of whining (I apologize for it) but also some precious moments of rediscovered hidden strengths and qualities within us, reminding us we are stronger than we think and can do a lot better than wasting our lives by jerking off to some pixels on the screen.

And let us never forget that:

 

Thanks man... I intend to give up PMO and MB for life, but from now on I don't intend to abstain from sex anymore when opportunity arises. We'll see how it goes. I heard someone, who was off heroin for more than 40 years, say that day has 24 hours for everyone, so be humble, try to give your best every single day but never be arrogant enough to say never again.