My Opinion About Loneliness

I don't know if this will help any guys out, but I want to share some experience.

When I was divorced in 2017, I went through a lot of bitter loneliness.

Trying to get a date was impossible.

But what I started to realize was that I might be on my own for some time.

If that was the case, I might as well work on my goals.

The first thing was to get a reboot and lose weight.

This in and of itself has made dating 75% easier.

But the real lesson I learned about loneliness was this:

If I feel lonely, it's a problem with my attitude towards MYSELF.

That is the weird thing.

Loneliness feels like the whole world rejected me,

in one big unanimous blackball vote.

That was my opinion, which was that I was some kind of defect.

Over time, I kept working on the goals, and I started to realize

that I couldn't be defective because I was the one who was willing

to work, to survive, to feel pain, and to keep going.

Knowing that, I realize that the world had no credibility,

when it came to how I should feel about myself

or my loneliness.

And also, the world just has no credibility anyway.

This was the freedom from loneliness I had sought.

I could be alone, and the loneliness was not there.

I didn't dwell on the past anymore,

I didn't cry in the grocery store,

I didn't chase women around who were not cool,

because I was ok, and what I did was ok.

And it's like that, that if I feel lonely, there is a problem with

my self esteem.

A person always has self esteem when they work on their goals.

It's that simple.

Some goals are harder than others.

Some goals are more worthy than others.

But that goal or goals that are in a man's heart, they are more than important.

They are who he is.

A guy who slags off the inner challenge is destined to be lonely,

and also, suprisingly enough,

to never achieve those goals.

I didn't get rich, I didn't get famous,

I'm still the same me.

The one thing that I did do the right way,

is something every guy can do

which is to "leave it all on the court".

In sports talk, it means to give the best effort in a game.

We win and we lose, that's inevitable.

But I sincerely believe that every guy who tries,

puts in the sweat, the tears, the time, the work,

I think they can and will achieve their goals.

One proof I have is this:

There was a study done in the 1980s of the richest Americans.

Few of them had genius level IQs.

But the one thing they did have was motivation.

Motivation is a positive feedback loop.

When a person can see daylight on success, they tend to keep going.

And this process is a real loneliness killer.

I think a lot of dudes sit at home and cry in their beers on a streak.

Don't do that. Be sober.

Code that idea for an app.

Write that song.

Practice that language.

Do that thing that you know you've always wanted to do.

Set aside worries about whether it pays or not.

When you have learned to work towards your goals,

you will be richly compensated.

Trust me, if you are here, reading this,

this post is for you.

You can do it, you will do it.

 

Thank you for reading. Here's my thoughts:

Look up the Japanese concept of ikigai. Ikigai is the idea of intersecting what you love to do for a career with what the world needs. But the concept is more about one's "Higher calling".

Studying the concept probably won't help you get an answer.

But the answer is simple: do what you love to do, find a way to make money at it.

Most people look into their preexisting hobbies or skills.

Few people take up accounting as a hobby.

I had that empty feeling for a long time even though I knew what my life plan was.

The emptyness comes from either the feeling of missing out on what you want to do with your life,
or feeling like you didn't take the necessary steps and risks in order to get there.

A man always feels empty when he isn't actively working on his mission.

Yes all those are vague ideas, but probably what you need is something more concrete.

You need an exact plan.

Try to ignore the money factor in this.

The money will come when you are on your mission.