My past 3-4 relapses have been the day after sex with my wife

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by StraightEdge3616, Mar 23, 2018.

  1. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    I know the chaser effect is real but in the past it's always been like 2-3 days after sex with my wife. Yet my past 3-4 relapses have now been the DAY after sex....at least I know my latest problem but how is the chaser effect coming that fast?
     
  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    I'm no neuroscientist, so I couldn't tell you why it's coming that fast or why it's changed or anything like that. It's probably nothing to be concerned about. I think the more you know about your body and your cravings, the better equipped you'll be to fight your addiction. If you know that sometimes you'll experience the chaser effect 2-3 days after sex and other times you'll experience it the day after, then that's useful information. You can prepare yourself for that feeling and identify it in your mind before you lose control and relapse. Have you talked to your wife about it?

    EDIT: more about identifying the feeling in your mind: I think this is an incredibly useful technique, and it's pretty simple to implement. I think if you make some sort of verbal note of your cravings in your head when it happens, it makes it a lot easier to deal with. I.e. think to yourself "I'm experiencing the chaser effect right now" or "I'm having a craving right now." Usually just starting with a thought like that leads to other thoughts, and if I start with something simple like that, the natural follow up is almost always "why?" If you can answer that question, you're really getting somewhere! Good luck with your recovery, and remember that a relapse is just a new lesson for you to learn on your journey.
     
  3. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    Thanks man but unfortunately I've been on this journey for almost 2 years now. I always do think to myself "this is the chaser effect" already but it's like I still can't stop it.
     
  4. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    I don't think that thinking those sorts of thoughts will necessarily stop a relapse in its' tracks, but it might help you gain a better understanding of why the relapse is happening, which will help you in the long run. I guess the next step after you've identified an urge or chaser effect is to ask yourself why you're experiencing that. Better yet, ask yourself what purpose porn is serving in your life? The answer to that question might show you what areas in your life need some more attention. It could be that you're feeling self conscious about your body, in which case working out might make you feel better and fill the void that porn was filling in your life before. Maybe it's something wrong in your relationship, in which case talking to your wife openly will point you in the right direction. Maybe it's because you're feeling inadequate or boring in some way, in which case exercising a creative skill like writing, music, or art might be the right way to go. I don't know what it is for you in particular, but those are some of the reasons I've watched porn in the past, and the solutions that have helped me get through those times.

    Just remember that relapses are okay and that recovering for almost two years is also okay. The important thing is that you're here, you're still recovery-oriented, and you're trying again. From what I understand, the battle against porn addiction might last your whole life. It's not about ending that battle as efficiently as possible, but about coming to terms with your addiction and yourself as a person. The urges might never go away, but they can become easier to deal with, and they'll definitely get easier to deal with if you dig deep and ask yourself the tough questions about what's missing in your life and why you're trying to fill that gap with porn.
     

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